Posts for scott

Hartnell and Parveen, Sittin’ in a Tree

Kyle Scott - January 12, 2013

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Hartnell DTF! 

Not since that time NBC 10 sent Sheena Parveen on an awkward lunch date with goofball Hunter Pence have we had a story about, well, Sheena Parveen going on a date with a goofball local athlete.

Dan of Gross of was informed by a tipster, who says he works at the Irish Pub, that Hartnell and Parveen were having drinks at the bar late Wednesday night. Doing his usual due diligence, Gross found that it wasn’t the first time the pair had beverages together: [

Parveen was also seen hanging with Hartnell in the VIP area at Dusk at Caesars in November after the Operation Hat Trick charity game he organized at Boardwalk Hall to benefit Hurricane Sandy relief efforts.


This is huge, folks. Hartnell’s apparent courtship of Parveen puts him in rarified Philly-cock-swinging air once inhaled by the likes of Pat Burrell and, yes, John Bolaris (back in his Lauren Hart days). This story also answers the question: How does Scott Hartnell celebrate being named the fifth hottest hockey player by Cosmo


What’s more is that the decision to go to the IP is a move ripped from the pages of Burrell’s playbook. It’s like the sex manual that Kevin’s brother talked about in American Pie 2– this book that some guys brought back from Amsterdam in the early eighties. What to do with your tongue, things like that. And each year, it got passed on to one East student who was worthy of it.

Only one local athlete at a time is privy to the book's contents– things like, "cab companies quickest to Irish Pub, Public House and Drinker’s," "how much get home money to give in the morning" (it’s commensurate with her education), and “cunilingizing a TV anchor.” HARTNELL’S GOT THAT BOOK! Not saying he did those things with Parveen, but he has the book. Jeff Carter had it before him (Hartnell presumably skipped the chapter about how to start a rumor that you’re nailing your teammate’s wife). John Clark before that. Darren Daulton back in the day. But now it’s Scottie’s. His to do with what he will. Perhaps he’ll marry a Hooter’s girl, dye his hair blonde, or ride down Broad in celebration on a Clydesdale-pulled wagon. The possibilities are endless.

Scott Hartnell is the Fifth Hottest Player in Hockey, Scientific Survey Says

Kyle Scott - January 8, 2013

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Cosmo says he’s hot… and Hartnell’s down with that

OH MY GOD HE’S SO SEXY IN SO MANY WAYS, all the ladies say.

Well, at least that’s what readers of Cosmo say. The magazine's list, Hot Hockey Players, unveiled to thirsty lady loins everywhere today, ranks Hartnell fifth in the league. His position is justified thrustly… er, thusly:

You might recognize this left wing from his cameo in This Is Forty. Or from scoping out his sexy red curls on the ice. 


Claude Giroux didn’t crack the top 30 (which makes at least one girl very sad), nor did any other current Flyers. Jaromir Jagr finished 30th, presumably thanks to Cosmo’s more mature, perhaps bushy, Eastern European readers.  

A few other names of note: Jeff Carter, our former sword-swinging sex machine turned Stanley Cup champion– he finished second (Mike Green and his Gerber face finished first). And Sidney Crosby– 15th, somehow (his inclusion was mandated by the league). 

If a sudden influx of estrogen allows you to click, you’ll be able to see the full list… hither.

The next time I see a feminist nut complaining about men objectifying female athletes – like the luscious Alex Morgan – I'm going to spam them links to the descriptions for every player on Cosmo's list. Just for sport.

H/T to Sarah Baicker

Scott Paterno is Devastated About Losing Twinkies in His Life

Kyle Scott - November 16, 2012

image from

We haven’t heard from big Scott Paterno in a little while – perhaps because he’s been stocking up for the long winter… perhaps because he’s been defending his father’s good name against a smear campaign launched by a committee of valley gnomes who’ve removed Joe’s name from their Tree of Honor – but we shouldn’t be surprised that, today, Scott Pa resurfaced to weigh in on our national tragedy, Hostess closing its doors:

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I thought about checking out what the responses were to Scott, by clicking on his Tweet, but then I learned that he blocked me on Twitter. Victory, it’s mine.

H/T to (@VometCometCapt)

Where’s Scott Hartnell?!

Kyle Scott - October 15, 2012

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At Xfinity Live! PBR! Riding the mechanical bull!

Why go overseas and play hockey when you can just stay home, get drunk, and party away a six-year, $28.5 million contract? No really, why?

Video after the jump.

H/T to reader Brandon for sending along

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Signs of a Lockout: This Looks Like Scott Hartnell and Peter Luukko Tailgating Before the Eagles Game

Kyle Scott - October 15, 2012

image from

After posting this pic in the Monday Afternoon Roundup, I noticed that the person talking to Scott Hartnell looked familiar. Upon closer inspection, it appears to be Peter Luukko, Comcast Spectacor COO. 

As best as I understand it, teams and players are allowed to have contact during the lockout, but not in any sort of official or business capacity. And judging by the beverage in Luukko’s hand and Hartnell’s 90-degree elbow bend, it seems that this was nothing more than casual conversation, which I'm sure touched on the current work stoppage completely avoided the current labor dispute.

Hartnell, of course, has nothing to be worried about. The Flyers signed him to a six-year extension before the lockout.

Reader Christian, who took the picture, also said that Kimmo Timonen and “Hatcher” were there. But that’s hard to tell from the picture.

UPDATE: Hartnell also rode the bull at PBR:

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pic via reader Scott

And of course, if you have video, we'd love to see it.

Flyers Sign Scott Hartnell to Six-Year Extension

Kyle Scott - August 20, 2012

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Pic via The Score

Not more than a few minutes after we posted the latest installment of Where’s Scott Hartnell?!, the Flyers announced that they signed Hartnell to a six-year extension. 

Flyers inside reporter Anthony SanFilippo says the cap hit is $5.5 million per year. In other words, a $33 million deal. UPDATE: Tim Panaccio is reporting that the average annual value is $4.75 million a year, which would mean Hartnell's deal is worth $28.5 million, not $33 million.

If Panaccio’s figures are accurate, this is a good deal for the Flyers. Sure, they’re banking on Hartnell repeating the best season of his career, which he had last year, and being effective through 2019, but his cap hit is manageable for a 30-year-old capable of scoring 30 goals per season.

The funny part of all this is that owners are asking for a maximum of five year deals in the new CBA–you know, the one that is likely going to delay the start of the season. Paul Holmgren, of course, doesn’t care and is handing out six-year contracts like it’s his job (in fact, it is…). Wayne Simmonds got one last week.

Where’s Scott Hartnell?!

Kyle Scott - August 20, 2012

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Riley Cote, who is on a crusade to legalize hemp (for realstons), got married last weekend. Dan Carcillo, Scott Hartnell and Stanley Cup Champion Jeff Carter were all in the wedding party. Car Bomb didn’t bother to comb his hair for the occasion and Carts appears to have found the Casio watch I misplaced… in 1992. But hey, he’s a Stanley Cup champ and can pretty much do whatever he damn well pleases. Hartnell, though, looks like was holding up fairly well at the end of the night. This other guy? Not so much:

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Pics via Facebook

Paterno Family Issues Statement (And The Return of Fat Scott Paterno!)

Kyle Scott - July 12, 2012

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First up, BIG SCOTT PA, who came out of hiding to defend his father.

Speaking to the Patriots News’ Sara Ganim, here’s what Scott Paterno had to say about the Freeh report: [as told by Ganim on Twitter]

Scott Paterno said there was no malicious cover up, people were trying to do what was right. “I know my father did not know Jerry was a pedophile and did not suspect he was a pedophile.”

“We wish he'd have bee more aggressive in following up,” bust says father's legacy will be clear in time. Scott Paterno says the family, in time will respond to specific allegations in the report.


Glad to have you back, Scott. 

Now, a more well-crafted statement from the family, who still champions Paterno for being the only leader to say “he wished he had done more.”

You can read their full statement after the jump. [notable parts are bolded]

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