Posts for shit

Eagles – Bucs: 6 Good Things That Turned Bad

Mark Saltveit - November 22, 2015

A lot went wrong in this game, obviously. All of the Eagles linebackers were terrible, which is why Tampa broke big runs in the first half. Kiko Alonso gave up a TD to an unknown TE (Cameron Brate) that he was covering just by not turning around. On a third and three from the eight yard line.

The Bucs kept making big plays with simple formations that Philadelphia couldn’t adjust to, empty sets and Stanford-style extended offensive lines. Vincent Jackson scored a TD on a play where he and a TE were the only likely receivers. The odds were about 97% that they were passing to Jackson, but the Eagles played off of him and it was an easy TD. There was no reason not to double team him. Hell, triple team him.

But the most frustrating part of the game for me was how even the good things that happened for Philly just set up worse things to follow.

1. Near miss turnovers.

The Eagles gamble on a lot of turnovers, and often do well by it. They lead the NFL in forced fumbles. But it can also bite them.

At the start of the second quarter, the Eagles forced two fumbles in a stretch of three plays, but couldn’t come up with the ball. At least that resulted in a punt.

Near the end of the first half, the Birds batted down (and nearly intercepted) two passes — after which Charles Sims made an amazing catch for a touchdown on the next play. Byron Maxwell tried for an interception at the one yard line instead of breaking up Sims’ catch, which he easily could have done with a hard hit. Touchdown, Tampa Bay with 1:05 left in first half.

2. Over-aggressive play.

The Eagles clearly gave up in the second half, or (at least for the defense) maybe were just too exhausted to play hard. But when they did throw themselves into the game , that often helped the Bucs too.

Zach Ertz knocked himself out of the game attempting to vault over a defender on a shot pass that wasn’t going anywhere. He flipped and landed painfully on his head and neck, suffering a concussion. With only four days until the next game on Thanksgiving, there’s no way he’ll clear the protocol in time to play against Detroit.

There were three neutral zone infractions by linemen trying to get a jump on the pass rush, and one by Brandon Graham in the first half extended the drive that later included Doug Martin’s 58 yard run, and the Bucs first touchdown.

3. Josh Huff trying to do it all.

Huff had a great 39-yard catch and run for the Bird’s first touchdown, and 40- and 30-yard kick returns. But he also ran out a couple of kickoffs he probably should have downed. That resulted in a Philadelphia drives that started at the 8, and a weird confused handoff attempt with Riley Cooper that only got to the 16. Last year, he got injured and missed the first part of the season attempting to make something happen on a similar deep kick in a preseason game.
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Doug Collins Had a Potty Mouth in Front of His Grandkids Last Night

Kyle Scott - May 19, 2012

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Last night after an improbable comeback against the Boston Celtics to even the series 2-2, Doug Collins once again did his press conference with his grandchildren. This time, three of them, who shrugged off the four-letter word their grandfather used when talking about a day in the life of LaVoy Allen. 

The slip made it on-air on CSN. But we’ll direct you to the 2:15 mark of this slightly censored video, which is after the jump.

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Outstanding Video: Shit Flyers Fans Say

Kyle Scott - March 9, 2012

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No idea who these guys are, but this video, posted to YouTube yesterday, was sent to us last night by (@bsandone). While at times dry, it touches on just about every Flyers fan refrain in existence, mostly in a perfect deadpan.

We’ll give them a mulligan on the awfully distasteful Crosby-Lokomotiv joke at the 5:20 mark. Bonus points for the mostly silent Asian friend, though. That’s a nice touch.

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Giroux Sneaks A “Shit” Into A TSN All-Star Interview

Kyle - February 2, 2012

Giroux Grilled Cheese TSN

In an interview with TSN during All-Star weekend, Claude Giroux was treated to a grilled cheese sandwich – his favorite. G couldn't hold back his boner and let a "shit" fly on television.

And yes, that is the most awkward interviewer ever. I felt uncomfortable watching.

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#shitmaliksays is Sweeping the Nation

Kyle Scott - January 17, 2012

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Photoshop via reader (@zacharydt)

Yeah, it is pretty Hawesome.

John Gonzalez had a little sit-down with the Negrodamus himself, Malik Rose. Gonzo asked Rose about his friendship with Marc Zumoff (still think Rose is going to turn Z G), filling the slippers of Eric Snow, and, of course, the on-air catchphrases. That last one led to this exchange:

You know there’s a hashtag on Twitter devoted to – let’s call it stuff Malik says. That’s not the actual hashtag, but you get the idea.

Oh, yeah, it’s crazy how many people know about it. My brother in San Antonio told me about it at first. And, oh, get this: In New York, Jared Jefferies came up to me, and the first thing he said to me was “S—MalikSays Really? Really?” I had to laugh.

 

As you know, I hate to take credit for things (I don't– I'm a narcissist), but #shitmaliksays was unveiled to the world last Tuesday morning right here on CB. Glad to see brotha Rose and Jared Jefferies are getting a kick out of it.

Read the full Q & A here.

Your #shitmaliksays Highlights

Kyle Scott - January 11, 2012

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via reader Heath, who is referring to this… just in case you were unaware

Before last night’s game I tweeted Malik Rose, informing him of #shitmaliksays and asking him to bring his A-game. He was appreciative: Lol. Wow!! Thanks man. Truly honored. Thank you. I'll be ready bro. Go SIXERS!!”

He didn’t disappoint.

Last night’s clear standout one-liner, judging by your Tweets, was Malik’s money shot comment to Marc Zumoff, who was either frightened… or had no idea what it really meant: [via reader Daniel]

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Brilliant segue, Marc…

Does anyone get the sense that Zoo is basically playing the role of Taj from Van Wilder? Think about it, he spent years with The Mayor, Steve Mix, and then had to suffer through Eric Snow’s snoring last season. Now he’s teamed up with Rose– Negrodamus himself. In fewer than 10 games, Rose has already left Zoo speechless on several occasions, including last night’s money shot reference, which I imagine Zoo had to look up on Urban Dictionary (officially: The delicious moment when a male "artiste" let's fly into the face of his female co-star). It’s clear that he’s totally studying under Malik. By February, Zoo is going to be coming to games with a chain hanging low, 22-inch rims on his Malibu, and seven six-foot tall coeds from the Connecticut School of Broadcasting in tow. I can see it happening, and we'll have Malik to thank for it.

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Most Indians would say “cow,” because they’re sacred. But I hear “milk,” I think giant jugs. I cannot go home a virgin. I came here to study the great American art of muff diving, to smack clam, munch rug, dine at just one American pink taco stand. I want to do, how’s it? Park the porpoise? I want to take it through the car wash, baby. And get it waxed. I want to wax it, wax it, waaax it. And air dry. Air dry that shit. I would like to be your assistant.

Wax it, Zoo.

Anyway, here are the other #shitmaliksays highlights from last night: [context provided where possible]

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Presenting “Shit Malik Says” (#shitmaliksays)

Kyle Scott - January 10, 2012

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The biggest change for the Sixers thus far, at least the one with the most immediate impact, has very little to do with the new ownership group. While team itself remains largely unchanged (save for the jettisoning of Mo Speights, who seemed like a genuine jackass), everything surrounding the action on the hardwood is different. Adam Aron is determined to have intercourse with all five of your senses. He brought in an anthemist from American Idol, a lighting team from Broadway, a PA announcer from AARP, and outsourced mascot design to Jim Henson’s Creature Shop, which is based out of New York and Los Angeles*. 

None of that has excited anyone, yet. It’s all window dressing to support what could become (already is?) a great product. But the one change that has made an impact is the addition of Malik Rose to the broadcast team. Rose, who replaces Eric Snow’s pillow, brings his inner “Negrodamus” to spice things up between Marc Zumoff’s damp boxer shorts (yessss, ohhhhh yesssss) and Dei Lynam’s much sexier action figure, Meredith Marakovits… and we couldn’t be happier (with Rose, that is).

*Hearing that the delay in unveiling a new mascot – announcement could come anytime between February and next season – is because the Sixers realized their mistake and may be heading back to the drawing board. Steve Jobs once said that you need to press the “rewind” button every once in a while to get things right. We’d recommend heeding that advice in this case.

Admittedly, I was doing other things while watching most of the Sixers’ five-game road trip, and wasn’t in a place to hear a television during this weekend’s games. But last night I dug in to the broadcast, an action I would imagine Malik describing as move over, couch potato, Kyle’s taking over this sofa, and he’s hot. Hot potato! Baked, with bacon, cheese and chives.

Or something like that.

Anyway, Rose is awesome. So awesome, in fact, that at one point last night Zumoff was forced to apologize to custodians everywhere, because Rose kept referring to Thad Young as The Custodian, cleaning up the glass.

Other highlights, most courtesy of our new hashtag, #shitmaliksays, which was inspired by a Tweet from reader (@zacharydt):

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Jaws Says “Shit” On MNF, Apologizes

Kyle Scott - September 13, 2011

On Sunday, Brian Billick had a slip of the tongue when he said, "they've had some sex with the no huddle earlier." Harmless. Funny. But, last night, when Ron Jaworski said "shit" on Monday Night Footall… well, he was forced to make an awkward on-air apology. You can watch that, after the jump.

Thanks to (@iiice), (@wcm5016), and (@vandit463) for the heads-up, I was flipping back and forth between MNF and the Phillies game before finally giving up on both when Tom Brady hit Wes Welker for a 99 yard touchdown pass and the Astros brought their loserish reliever in to close out the sleeping Phillies.

Apology (plus at least eight seconds of awkward silence) after the jump.

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