Posts for Text

Avalanche Fan Texts About Mean Flyers Fans in Size 64 Font

Kyle Scott - February 7, 2014

This is perfect. Soft, potentially blind Avalanche fan, wearing a sweater under his sweater, can’t hack it at the Wells Fargo Center. Thank God he wasn’t sexting on that teleprompter– “I WANT TO SMOKE YOUR ROCK HARD…” hey, the rest cut offWhat does she want to smoke? WHAT DOES SHE WANT TO SMOKE?!

And Now, Tony Romo’s Text Messages

Kyle Scott - December 16, 2013

Not great Photoshopping, but pretty funny.

via, (@DJDouvanis6), (@FauxJohnMadden)

Video: Fan Testing

Kyle Scott - February 13, 2013

The funny men over at Bird Text, who previously warned you not to let your girl get Burrelled, are back with their latest video: Fan Testing. Enjoy.

Michael Vick Texts Sal Pal, Says He’s “Ready to Make a Playoff Run”

Kyle Scott - November 1, 2012

image from

Michael Vick held onto his phone long enough to fire out a few text messages. 

First, QB 7 texted Eagles beat writer Jeff McLane: “It’s great to know I have the support of my coach. It’s driving me to work harder and remain focused to help this football team win games.”

Perhaps Pro Football Talk had the best reaction to that communiqué: Maybe self-delusion and sarcasm is easier via text, because after being left to twist in the wind for half a week, what the Eagles and coach Andy Reid put Vick through hardly seems like support. 

The delusion showed up again in a text to Sal Pauolaslasnoasnaotnoaoatatotonio. Here’s what Vick had to say to Sal Pal: "Ready to make a playoff run. One play at a time. One game time."

One game at a time, six times. The Eagles would have to finish at least 6-3 (to get to 9-7). It’s possible, but not likely. Not with the way the Eagles have been playing.

So many times Andy Reid has turned around a lost season with late-season runs. And the Eagles almost found their way into the playoffs last year. So, 3-4 certainly isn’t an insurmountable record to overcome. But I can’t help thinking that Sunday’s loss was the unofficial end of the Reid era– storm moving in, empty seats, embarrassing loss. If Christopher Nolan had directed that movie and been given access to a newly discovered palette of grey hues with which to film, the scene still couldn’t have been more perfectly dreary for that mess. Though Bane blowing up the field would have added something, I guess.

Nnamdi Asomugha Signing Gets Even More Like Cliff Lee Saga

Kyle Scott - August 1, 2011

Screen Shot 2011-08-01 at 5.10.23 PM
I've seen pigs slobbering around in shit that were less happy

Now this is just getting weird.

First it was the surprise element. Then the New York and Texas thing. Now melodramatic texting.

If you remember, the Phillies’ negotiations with Cliff Lee had seemingly reached an impasse. It wasn’t until Lee’s agent, Darek Braunecker, texted assistant GM Scott Proefrock - writing "is this eating at you as much as it's eating at me?" – that things really got set into motion.

Someone should ask Gilbert Grape that question, but Proefrock's answer was yes, and the deal quickly got done. And that’s almost exactly was transpired between Nnamdi Asomugha’s agent, Ben Dogra (jeez, both agents even have uncomfortable vowel situations going on), and Eagles GM Howie Roseman. We’ll let Peter King tell you the story, since, ya know, he wrote it:

Then, at precisely 12:38 a.m. Friday, Dogra pressed the button on a text message to Roseman that said: "Are u sure ….. be bold. Best deal in history.''

At almost the split second that Dogra sent the message, one time-stamped 12:38 a.m. popped into his phone from Roseman, sent obviously before Roseman had read Dogra's text. "Thanks for taking the time today. I appreciate the process. We need more of ur guys here.''

Dogra thought it was eerie that their texts passed in the ether. And he wanted Roseman to not think it was over, because he knew how much Asomugha wanted to play in Philadelphia. It was true Asomugha liked the Jets too, but he thought the Eagles gave him the best chance to win a Super Bowl in the next three or four years.


Then, Dogra, in some sort of psuedo-Nicholas Sparks acknowledgement of cosmic forces, decided that since both he and Roseman had sent each other the late night texts at the same moment, he should call the Eagles’ GM. The two worked on a deal until 3 A.M., all while a voicemail from Asomugha awaited in Dogra’s mailbox. Frankly, I'm surprised a soaking wet Ryan Gosling didn't enter the equation.

Anyway, the deal was done the next afternoon.

Great read from Peter King. The story truly mimics – from the shock of it all, the cities spurned, last minute developments, and melodramatic texts – the Cliff Lee signing. Only this one took place deep in the night. In fact, I think The Airborne Toxic Event wrote a song about it. I can just see Howie Roseman listening to a band play some song about forgetting yourself for a while.

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Have You Gotten a Text From “King James” Lately?

Kyle Scott - June 10, 2011


Mike Wise of the Washington Post wrote a rather unflattering article about LeBron James today (worth a read). The highlight is this little tidbit about how LeBron introduces himself via text:

For example, a player recently told me LeBron had contacted him about possibly joining forces in the offseason, though he was cryptic about where he actually might play. The text began: “Yo, this is King James.”

“I was like, ‘Give me a break. You’re going to call yourself that?’ ”the player said, on condition that his name not be used.


I once had a friend who had a signature in his text messages. Not sure that relates, but I thought it was worth mentioning. Anyway, LeBron James introduces himself as "King." A king still with no ring…

Shameless? Get the shirt 10% off right here with code CB10.


For now…

Lee to Kinsler: See You in the World Series

Kyle Scott - December 15, 2010


I love you, Clifton.  []

Texas Rangers second baseman Ian Kinsler exchanged some text messages with his old friend Cliff Lee on Tuesday night.

Lee's text to Kinsler said: "It was great playing with you. Sorry, but see you in the World Series."

Kinsler, one of the players on hand for the special showing of the team DVD "It's Time," texted his former teammate: "Uncle. It's about time you made a decision."

No words.

Francisco Rodriguez Sent His Girlfriend 56 Text Messages, Illegally

Kyle Scott - September 14, 2010


Remember when K-Rod was arrested for beating up his girlfriend’s father?  Well, his girlfriend was placed under an order of protection from Rodriguez, meaning he was not allowed to contact her.

So what did he do?

He sent her text messages- 56 of them.  Now he’s in more trouble.

Have you ever texted a significant other while drunk and jealous?  You know, the messages start out civil and sheepish, but whe you don’t get a response they quickly turn into a full-fledged, all encompassing rant touching on everything from “who gets the dog” to “why the fuck did you call my mother a cunt at Aunt Thelma’s birthday party?” 

Yeah… that’s kind of how K-Rod’s went.  Big word score for using “marionette.”

Read the texts after the jump.

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