Sooo… since the Flyers aren’t playing, and since the Penguins are getting ruined by the Bruins real dirty like, feel free to take a few moments of your day to Tweet hashtagpittsburghisbetter, if that is his real name, and undoubtedly disrupt his day, which, until right about now, was to include masturbating, making memes, listening to Wiz Khalifa, masturbating, sending out applications to Blockbuster Videos, and masturbating. His entire Twitter account is basically just a series of Tweets and images trolling Philadelphia and Cincinnati (and that’s pretty much the saddest sentence I’ve ever written). He enjoys sports, zip codes and, apparently, owns an organ:
Holiday travelers were shocked on Monday evening to see a 10-year-old girl in a dog cage in the back of a pickup on the Pennsylvania Turnpike.
Their calls led police to Millvale, where the child was found unharmed in the cage with a small dog. Her mother and stepfather were charged with endangering the welfare of a child.
Abbey Carlson, 29, who is the child’s mother, and Thomas Fishinger, 30, both of Millvale, were awaiting arraignment on Monday night in Night Court on the charges filed after Millvale police stopped the truck near their home on Evergreen Road.
Fishinger, who was driving the pickup, told police they were driving home from his mother’s house in Beaver County.
When asked why the juvenile was in the cage, Fishinger told them she had asked to be with the dog, a criminal complaint states.
Fucking Yinzers. Although, this reminds me of the time I finished off a night this winter with an extra Mad Elf*, the 11% Troegs Christmas-time Ale that makes you do strange things, and wound up on the floor sleeping in Hayley’s bed. I guess I just wanted to hang out with the dog. Don’t see any difference between that and a parent throwing their daughter in a cage in the back of a pickup on the Turnpike. Tomato-tomahto.
*Two things about Mad Elf: 1) Seasonal brews are becoming less and less seasonal. The Elf shows himself in, like, the first week of October, when I’m all in pumpkin beer mode, and is gone by Thanksgiving. That ain’t right. Sam Summer Ale starts in March. Octoberfest will be out in a week. The brewers need to slow their roll here. I’m convinced they play as much a part in our shifting seasons as Al Gore does. 2) Anyone else experience the Mad Elf crash? An hour after drinking one there’s about a 10-minute window where you’re borderline suicidal… or just really tired. Can’t tell.