This is a Video of Alex Morgan Wearing Only Body Paint

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The bastards at Sports Illustrated, in an effort to break up every relationship in America on Valentine’s Day, released the Swimsuit Edition today. Kate Upton is on the cover, wearing – at best – tea leaves tied together by string. And, returning for another year to prove that God still exists is everybody’s favorite section: bodypainting.

As you may have already heard, this year’s paintees(?) include US Olympic Swimmer Natalie Coughlin, golfer Natalie Gulbis, and U.S. Women’s Soccer player Alex Morgan.

Deep breath.

That sound you hear is cupid firing arrows into the heavens while males across the globe collectively Tebow.

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The pictures of Morgan are somewhat disappointing, though, as we learn that it wasn’t just a super-restrictive Nike sports bra doing the dirty work in the World Cup– Alex really doesn’t have any boobs. But, then we realized there was a video of the photo shoot, and all was right with the world. 

The moving picture actually includes the following line from Morgan: It was art today that they drew on me, I didn’t feel like I was naked, at all. Sometimes I would get uncomfortable, and then I would look at myself in the mirror and go “oh, I’m fine, I have a swimsuit on.”

Jesus. Obama should hire the evil geniuses who convinced her of that line to talk down Ahmadinejad. That’s the real art here– spinning nudity into whatever she just said.

The video, for your viewing pleasure, is after the jump.



Bodypainting section

Swimsuit Edition main page




  1. I have bigger tits.

  2. who cares about the top, that’s one mighty fine a$$

  3. I agree with Chris… While boobs are nice, its all about the part that sits on your face. Fantastic

  4. The ass is important, true.
    However, we don’t see the ass in the pic.

  5. Seriously, “Dat Ass” more than makes up for the lack of boobage.

  6. that ass is asstastic

  7. is there a way you can embed the video muted?

  8. I will bury her.

  9. Cass, try the mute button…

  10. GREAT ASS! Boobs can always be replaced.

  11. The ass is all well and good, but it would still be distracting while she’s on top of you to keep reaching for something or trying to bury your face in her tits and nothing being there. I guess it’s all a matter of personal taste.

  12. You think she’s hot when she’s playing soccer but then when you see her in a magazine that also has Kate Upton in it you realize …. (go ahead and finish the sentence for me)

  13. omgomogmgomgogmogmogmogmogoogmogomgomg

  14. So true kb.
    Upton is a different species.

  15. My bad. pb not kb.

  16. tosh never said anything best

  17. Don’t hate tom.
    Tosh fucking rules.

  18. The Real Iron Balls McGinty

    February 14, 2012 at 11:55 am


  19. Well since were on the subject of Tosh… Ill quote him taking a line from his show to convey how I feel about Alex Morgan. Id like to tongue punch her fart box!

  20. wow…she’s smoking hot

  21. US Women’s soccer. the gift that keeps on giving.

  22. Ok, I ripped on the boobs yesterday but the ass and legs are fantastic.

  23. Definitely not the sharpest tool in the shed… I guess being a forward, you head the ball a ton, and yea, she definitely has dame bramage from the headers..
    But that booty is nice

  24. Do you think she got aroused when the paint brush softly rubbed against her clit?

  25. ohhh my….i would do such naughty things to her back door…. Yeah girl…oh shiiit i just skeeted all over my keyboard –

  26. Once a paper boy for the sister-town La Habra Star, I tried to apply the same ethic to my daily route, with half of Carter’s arm strength.

  27. ohhh my….i would do such naughty things to her back door…. Yeah girl…oh shiiit i just skeeted all over my keyboard

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