Morning Wood: The Big Hot Tease

Screen Shot 2012-05-03 at 10.24.47 AMDoc, you don't look so good

Bit of a late start this morning. Apparently, drinking half a bottle of vodka isn’t conducive to getting up early and blogging. Who knew?! 

Had a bit of a crazy day yesterday thanks to some feminist nuts, who had a problem with a picture of a reader’s television screen, which revealed an innocuous, far-away, non-revealing, anonymous, hardly graphic, more-funny-than-it-was-sexual freeze frame of one fan in Atlanta on Tuesday night who had pulled her too-short-to-be-sitting-like-that skirt up nearly over her head as she crossed her legs, showing her skivvies. A few dozen or so zealots on Twitter objected so vociferously that they took the time to spam every business partner and advertiser on this site, along with every media outlet that has ever quoted me, including and The New York Times, to tell them that the guy who runs Crossing Broad is a misogynistic pig who promotes rape culture.

Yeah, that's rational.

[Meanwhile, CSN uncreatively and lazily Photoshopped a Flyers hat on Kate Upton's head].

Those bitches need something better to do with their time. And I don’t want to waste any more of yours. Let’s Wood! 

Last night’s game almost – almost – felt like a Phillies game from seasons past… except, you know, last year the Braves would have lost that game in a somewhat hilarious and embarrassing fashion. Instead, the Phillies lost 15-13 on a walk-off home run by Chipper Jones, who was playing the role of Kirk Gibson on this eve.

The takeaway story, however, was Roy Halladay. He was given a four-run lead early on, which led to the Phillies broadcast busting out every possible jinx.

Halladay is 107-0 when given a four-run lead.

Halladay hasn’t given up a home run in 41 innings, the longest stretch in his career.

The next inning, after the Phillies tacked on two more runs: Halladay gave up six runs, including a grand slam.

Tie game. Thanks, booth.

Truth is, the jinx had nothing to do with anything (I know– crazy, right?!). Halladay told reporters after the game that he felt good. But video tells a different story. Halladay was red – really red – and appeared to be suffering from the same type of exhaustion he had last year in Chicago. He denied that was the case, but again, I’m not so sure.

[UPDATE: Halladay left the team this morning to tend to a "personal family issue."]

The other issue is his velocity. It’s that elephant sitting over there in the corner. Here, let’s approach him:

A few weeks ago, we, like everyone else, noted that Halladay’s velocity was down nearly 2 mph from early-season starts last year (~92 mph vs. 90 mph).  

That was again the case last night.

Comparing it to his start in Atlanta on May 15 of last year, Halladay’s velocity was down significantly. He also didn’t throw as many fastballs last night. 

Last year he threw 54 fastballs (four and two-seam). Last night? 12 (Brooks Baseball, a website for pitch tracking and other geekery, says that he didn’t throw any four-seam fastballs last night, though distinguishing between different types of fastballs and cutters is sometimes difficult, especially when velocity is down). Whatever the case, Halladay relied on more off-speed pitches this time around, and perhaps that’s because, as mentioned, his velocity was down on his fastball. 

The 12 two-seam fastballs he threw last night averaged 91.1 mph. The 14 he threw on May 15 last year? 93.1. The max speeds (92.4 and 94.3, respectively) also differed by nearly 2 mph. Not good, folks.

Endearingly Fat Chooch did his best to save his hero, however. He drove in seven runs, including three on this bat-flipping bomb: 

ChoochPic via Zoo With Roy 

None of his efforts mattered, though, because, well, this:

Screen Shot 2012-05-03 at 10.39.43 AM

I don’t believe what I just saw.

The whole game – from Doc’s strong first few innings to the Phillies actually scoring runs – turned out to be one. big. tease.

Screen Shot 2012-05-03 at 10.40.30 AM

via (@iNibbz)


Our D.C. Takeover trip was mentioned in this Wall Street Journal article. The New York Times, Washington Post and ESPN have all inquired about it, too. 

Zoo With Roy’s post-Doc jams are always a good read

Video of Doc speaking post-game is after the jump.

via Ryan Lawrence of the Delco Times


  1. An unprecedented amount of intrusive, unwanted, and unneeded anti-abortion/anti-contraception/anti-women laws are currently being passed in DC and all over the country, one of which likens female reproduction to pigs and cattle, and these feminists decide to focus on a sports blog that posted a blurry picture of some panties? Awesome! I wish Chooch would swat these crazies away with his baseball bat (and by bat, I mean large penis)
    And a game where the phils score 13, with 7 coming from choochs wood, and lose? Don’t even wanna talk about that.

  2. Feminists always like to ruin a good voyeur fetish.
    On a serious note, I kinda talked about Halladay’s location on my site yesterday. His velo is down (takes him longer to strengthen he said) so he’s relying more on off-speed and out-of-the-zone pitches to get outs rather than daring the hitters to hit his stuff like he normally does. He’ll be fine. It’s Roy freakin’ Halladay.

  3. The most interesting Flyers fan in the world.

    May 3, 2012 at 11:31 am

    Okay, but when you plastered some dudes ass hole on your site (mooning harper), that was ok? You are correct sir, these was dumb bitches. Probably resembling Mastiffs.
    Seriously though The Sears catalog is more provocative than your post was so these women are really off their rockers. I hope they are sterilized to save future generations from their most likely dumb as a box of rocks offspring.
    Stay classy Philadelphia…

  4. Andy Troutman

    May 3, 2012 at 11:36 am

    imagine all the wt on that wip bus

  5. pens fan who goes to temple

    May 3, 2012 at 11:36 am

    something negative about lesbians.

  6. Phillies fan who dropped out of elementary school

    May 3, 2012 at 11:50 am

    Great Jew fro on dude in second pic

  7. The more we tell people they have the power to change anything, the more idiotic society becomes.

  8. @Pete H – bravo…couldn’t have said it better.
    My first reaction to the picture, was “LOL look at this idiot getting caught on camera”, not “ooh titillating upskirt photo!” Kind of the same reaction you have watching a fat kid get tasered, or the chick getting boob squeezed after a HR a few years ago, or way back when Steve Lyons forgetting he’s on 1st base and not in private, dropping his drawers to adjust his athletic supporter and re-tuck his shirt.
    Whatever, Jezebel is on it though. I now expect lots of posts from them exposing what their parent company (who also owns Deadspin) does right down the hall from them. (not holding breath)

  9. The difference between the guy mooning Harper and the girl is that the mooning guy INTENTIONALLY showed his bare ass right behind homeplate where he knew cameras would be focusing. The girl did not purposely pull her skirt up to be caught on TV for some douchebags to get off on while trying to see whether or not she shaved her bush.

  10. mgoss79-
    Seriously, chill out about it. No one was getting off on that picture- ever think people might just find it FUNNY? In a non-rapey kind of way? And if anyone was getting off on it, it wasn’t just that picture that was going to get them off. And, since they were seeing it on the internet, there were many, MANY other places they could go to get off. Even to voyeur-type upskirt photos. So, stop over reacting. It’s ridiculous.
    Seriously, there are many other places where women are being demeaned/sexualized. Choose your battles better. That one picture did not promote a “rape culture.” (The fact I even had to write that sentence is ridiculous.)

  11. keep posting what you post, kyle. that shit was funny and i’m a female. girls that got upset about that probably have ugly vaginas.

  12. @Maggiesox is the idiot that has a problem with all of this. She said that she had an “upskirt” pic of her taken & it was posted on a site with out her knowledge. Now who ever took that pic should be shot as she’s a -46 and what site would post it is beyond me, well with the exception of people of walmart maybe.
    This is a “woman” who had a pic of Beckham in his tighty whities with his posh basher in full view…but thats OK. A mans junk is ok to be seen obviously. Get a grip girl and realize there’s more important things to go to the NY times about. Like Pete said above DC is trying to pass laws left and right (No, not take back their park) about womens rights, etc…worry about that. Worry that our economy STILL stinks regardless of whats being said in an election year. Worry that our Vets are coming home from over seas to no jobs, no health care, houses foreclosed because of greedy banks & stupid legislation. Worry about the people that are fighting for YOUR rights to say the shit you want to say are killing themselves from the shit they’ve seen over seas. What would happen to you if the Taliban takes over the USA? You wont be able to say anything, and you’ll be covered from head to toe. Wait, on second thought a burka might do you good.
    Your twitter page is now private, so if you’re trying to “Do the right thing” and “Stand up for women” you would allow everyone to see/communicate with you.
    Just realize your rants, bitching & complaining about trivial shit is just making Kyle’s shitty site become more popular.

  13. I don’t care what you say, the jinx is what did him in….damn McCarthy! As soon as I saw that stat and then heard McCarthy counting every inning Halladay had gone without giving up a dinger I knew something bad was gonna happen.
    If anything I think this site needs more up the skirt shots. I just figured that chick was taking a different approach to the morons who wave at the camera while talking on their cell phones to someone watching at home.

  14. Chicks should stay off this site

  15. Oh, I thought that was a picture of YOUR vagina you posted.

  16. Fatblacklesbian

    May 3, 2012 at 7:20 pm

    I kinda liked the photo of her %#&?&

  17. The difference between that dude’s asshole & the upskirt shot is the dude knew and did it purposely. The woman didn’t. The difference between the Beckham shots/Sears catalogue are contracts that are signed stating “hey, you’ll get x money for doing y!” was the woman aware of what had happened? Had she agreed to have it broadcasted further?
    What is upsetting is people not knowing the difference between the above situations. And using “but other people did it first” as an argument for why it isn’t wrong is disturbing.
    Also, @maggiesox has always been private, but went public for one day to share her story about a cause close to her. I don’t understand the comments degrading her, but then again I pride myself on being a compassionate and decent human being, whether hiding behind the anonymity of the Internet or not.
    I wish you could just see what was wrong and why, without resorting to 5th grade name calling an defense tactics, and move on. I fully expect to be ripped apart (oh i must have an ugly vagina since I care about other people!) for my comment, but thats the nature of the game.
    Carry on, bros!

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