Fat Guy Delmon Young Might be Out for a While and David Murphy Has No Idea What The F#$k “Platoon” Means

image from mobilwi.typepad.comHeyyomyanklehurts, pass me some wafers. NO, NOT THE MATZO! NEVER THE MATZO. THE WAFERS!!!

And playing the role of this year’s disappointing, injury plagued offseason signee will be, perhaps not surprisingly, Delmon Young, who is fat. And who has an injured ankle.

Young told reporters that he doesn’t know when he’ll be ready, and Charlie Manuel said it’ll be “a little while.” But Howard Eskin, who is rocking his murse in Clearwater…

Screen Shot 2013-02-15 at 1.41.09 PMPic via John Clark's increasingly useful Twitter, where outstanding Spring Training pics from some place warm flow like wine

… tweets that Young will be out for “weeks into the season”:

Funstons.

About being fat: Young doesn't know how much he weighs despite having a fat clause in his contract: [Philly.com]

“I don't really go on the scale that much,” Young said Friday at Bright House Field. “I just see what clothes fit and see when I can go on the beach.”

 

When he gets off the beach and back on the field? Perhaps a platoon.

But wait! Daily News prophet and pseudo baseball beat writer David Murphy wrote words about the Phillies' outfield “platoon” situation, which, as Murphy explains, because he is so much smarter than you, isn’t really a “platoon” situation, because he Googled “platoon” and found that the definition doesn’t match exactly what baseball teams do actually has no idea what “platoon” means. Stinky Cheese:

Most baseball seasons, we end up asking questions about a platoon, and whoever is answering those questions usually grimaces and says that he does not like the word platoon. Which makes sense. Because the word platoon suggests an equal distribution of duties between two or more individuals charged with accomplishing a specific task. In the army, a platoon might be charged with clearing an enemy stronghold, with individual soldiers as platoon members. In baseball, the task is manning a position, and the individuals are usually a right-handed batter and and a left-handed batter. Problem is, the duties can't be distributed equally, because there are far more situations that require a left-handed batter than a right-handed batter, because there are far more right-handed pitchers in the majors than there are left-handed pitchers. 

 

Here’s how I would have edited that piece, IF THE DAILY NEWS HAD AN EDITOR TO CENSOR SUCH DRIVEL:

Most baseball seasons, we end up asking questions about a platoon, and whoever is answering those questions usually grimaces and says that he does not like the word platoon. Which makes sense. Because the word platoon suggests an equal distribution of duties between two or more individuals charged with accomplishing a specific task. In the army, a platoon might be charged with clearing an enemy stronghold, with individual soldiers as platoon members. In baseball, the task is manning a position, and the individuals are usually a right-handed batter and and a left-handed batter. Problem is, the duties can't be distributed equally, because there are far more situations that require a left-handed batter than a right-handed batter, because there are far more right-handed pitchers in the majors than there are left-handed pitchers. 

 

No.

4 Comments

  1. Don’t knock murph. He was probably getting his knob slobbed under his desk by some babe while writing that

  2. So Delmon is out until “weeks into the season”? THE FUCK THEY SIGN HIM FOR THEN!? What a joke.

  3. 2) Reward yourself for almost any social interactions you make.
    Are there people you need to talk to or activities that you would like to take part in,
    but restrain due to some unspoken insecurity. Local competitive sports, including the local university
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