David Wright is Just the Worst Kind of Captain

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Yeah I’ll take Squints because he helps me with my homework, Smalls because he’s nice, myself, and Yeah-Yeah because I like his style. Sorry, Benny. No hard feelings.

In a way I’m glad that David Wright glossed over Domonic Brown and his 23 home runs whilst selecting the National League’s Home Run Derby participants because, uh, remember Bobby Abreu in 2005, the year he won the derby with a ridiculous – yet fluid – uppercut:

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But Wright’s reason for selecting Michael Cuddyer – to join himself, Carlos Gonzalez and Bryce Harper – over Brown and others was a bit lame: [NY Daily News]

“I did it as easy as I knew possible. At the time when they needed to know who I was picking, I took the National League home run leader. I took the guy that won the fan poll — the guy who the fans really wanted to see in the Home Run Derby. So you have CarGo and Bryce Harper,” Wright said. “And that left me with the ‘Ryder Cup captain’s pick.’ I grew up with Michael. I think that he’s one of the more underrated players in the game. And, obviously, the friendship had something to do with it. And his production had a lot to do with it. You’re talking about a guy that’s got 15 or 16 homers. He had a 27-game hitting streak. For me, that was my choice.

Wright said these were his first three choices, but it was not an easy task to pick a team.

“I really am sorry. Carlos Beltran, Domonic Brown, [Paul] Goldschmidt, [Joey] Votto, [Pedro] Alvarez — the original list that I had, I had all of those guys,” Wright said. . The three guys that I asked to do it all said yes and jumped at it. Those are the three guys I originally asked and those are the three guys that said yes last week. It’s a lot tougher than you would think it is. And you don’t want to leave anybody out. And there’s obviously guys that I left out. I apologize for that. Some people had to get left out.”

Yes, and that would include Brown, who has the second most home runs in the National League, and players 3-11 on that list. Nice choices.

Brown said he wanted to participate and that it wouldn’t mess up his swing. Which is doubtful.


  1. Does anybody even watch that thing?

  2. Crucify Wheels

    July 9, 2013 at 8:50 am

    Seriously, who cares? The All-Star game is complete joke anymore.

  3. ThePhillyFlash

    July 9, 2013 at 8:55 am

    I don’t suppose Dom Brown being a Phillie, a member of the Mets’ most hated rival played a part in David Wright turning him down, did it? No matter, at least we won’t have to worry about Dom’s swing being messed up when the second half starts.

  4. I’d bet good money that E!spn MADE Wright pick Harper and he said, “Well fuck you then. If I have to pick captain douche canoe from my division rival then I’m picking my boy Cudyer.” To which
    E!spn replied, “Whatever guy, just pick Harper..”

    I would’ve wanted Votto and Goldschmidt in there but I’m jus fine with Dom not being in it.

    • FACE nailed it. There’s not much that ESPN doesn’t control anymore and they sure as hell wanted to make sure Harper got in.

    • ThePhillyFlash

      July 9, 2013 at 10:26 am

      Hmm! I must admit it hadn’t occurred to me that ESPN might well have leaned on Wright to pick Harper so the network can show him off to the world in the Derby. Makes sense, FACE, makes perfect sense.

  5. In other words, this is going to be one boring derby.

    Michael Cuddyer???

    No Paul Goldschmidt? No Joey Votto? Even Pedro Alvarez would have been better, IMO.

    I’m OK with Dom not being involved. Don’t mess with his swing. (Although being acknowledged like that by being in the derby might have pumped him up for the 2nd half.)

  6. That Wimpy Deer?!

    July 9, 2013 at 9:15 am

    He picked his friend, big deal. Plus everyone knows they want to see Harper and his long swing crush the ball too… At least baseball has guys people have heard of in the HR Derby, unlike the dunk contest.

    Don’t know if you can compare this to picking Smalls and Yeah-Yeah over Benny the Jet, but I respect the Sandlot reference. Whatever happened to Bertram Weeks?

  7. Crucify Wheels

    July 9, 2013 at 9:16 am

    Next year they should have a Old Timer’s Roid Derby. McGwire vs now caucasian Sosa, or Brady Anderson vs Ken Caminiti’s crack-addicted ghost. I’d watch that. Honestly how the fuck does McGwire have the balls to take a hitting coach job in LA after crying in those hearings? Fucking pussy.

  8. Donnie Wellhung

    July 9, 2013 at 9:20 am

    Who gives a flying crap about some hr derby exhibition and haven ‘t we all at one time favored a friend?I would be much happier seeing Dom Brown hit a homer in a game that counts in October than hitting one in a meaningless exhibition in July! Leave David Wright alone!

  9. David was Wright

    July 9, 2013 at 9:29 am

    Whatever it’s only a stupid home run derby. Let the journeyman Cuddyer have his moment while Brown sits out and doesn’t ruin his swing. I’m honestly surprised the MLB didn’t force Wright to pick Bryce Harper though because Bud sure likes to force him down everyone’s throat like ESPN with LeBron.

  10. Rick Homeycut

    July 9, 2013 at 9:35 am

    Home run contest was cool back in the 80s

  11. I used to watch the HR Derby…. then my dad got a job. Bing!

  12. Still can’t believe evil bud has the all star game as the decider for ws home field advantage




  14. Who cares. I’d rather have Dom sit this thing out then possibly mess up his swing. And who cares who Wright picked? Last time I checked when you are named the captain and you are given the chance to pick your team, you get to pick the guys you want.

  15. Marcus Vick #5

    July 9, 2013 at 10:11 am

    Aint no one watching to see white mens hit homeruns. Shout out to my gurl @MsLaurynHill she goin to jail tooday for cause the man stole her tax moneys, you be aight sista my bro Mike got jobs when he got out!

  16. Slammin Gretzky's Daughter

    July 9, 2013 at 11:23 am

    Wow, great job David Wright. That’s who the HR derby fans come to see. Michael Fuckin Cuddyer.

    And I’m sure he’s a great power hitter and the fact that he plays home games in Coors Field has NOTHING to do with his HR total so far this season. I mean, he’s only slugging .125 higher at home than on the road. That’s nothing.

  17. Does anyone else think David Wright is gay?

    • Yes, I do. I have worked with a lot of gay men in the social services field and there is something about him that sets off my gaydar. I am gay-friendly though so I don’t give a rat’s ass if he is. I just can’t stand him because he is a major douchebag and Phillies hater, which is why he skipped over Dom.

  18. why the hell don’t we have lacrosse balls or something else being hit. who the fuck cares about a 480ft HR, it was fun when McGwire was hitting 530 but now IDGAF about your pop ups. It was great with roids, now its lame (same with much of the sport). I’d love to see someone crank a lacrosse/squash ball out of a stadium instead of another 400′ HR.

  19. F the Mets

  20. Lafferty, Daniel

    July 9, 2013 at 1:54 pm

    Who gives a shit?

  21. You Philly jack offs are a joke. If this were in Philly, everyone in this board would be rubbing one out to the thought of it.. Your city’s a dump. Keep crying that theNats can’t sell out their ballpark and check the attendance figures from last night- front running crybabies.

    • What’s your point? The Nats still can’t sell out, they couldn’t sell out last year when they won 98 games. Phillies average attendance is still higher then the Nats this year.

  22. Yeah, wow, what a horrible captain. Have you already forgotten what an AWESOME captain he was for the WBC? Or for that matter, how much he does for his terrible team, carrying them on his back? But nope I guess picking his childhood friend for the HR Derby makes him the worst captain ever. Go fuck yourself, moron.

  23. typical bitter shithead philly fan.

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