Ryan Braun is a Really Bad Person

Now it turns out that, before ruining a pee collector’s career on a pitcher’s mound last year, Ryan Braun solicited support from players by claiming that the man who handled his sample was a Cubs fan and an anti-Semite:

Some of that may be because of phone calls Braun made in the days leading up to the decision of his appeal, in February 2012.

According to sources, Braun called veteran players around baseball privately at that time to lobby for their support. In the calls — confirmed by three sources — Braun told other players that in the preparation for his appeal, some information had become known about the collector of his urine sample, Dino Laurenzi Jr., including that he was a Cubs fan — with the implication he might work against Braun, who played for a division rival of the Cubs.

Braun, who is Jewish, also told the players that he had been told the collector was an anti-Semite.

You, sir, a horrible, horrible person.

That’s like a child telling his parents awful things about his teacher when he knows a bad test grade is coming. Mrs. Miller is just so mean. She locks us in the closet when we spill glue in our desks. She stole my pen so I couldn’t take notes. She wouldn’t let me make up the assignments I missed when I was out sick. And she tried to touch little Johnny on his pee stick. I told the principal on her, so she gave me an F on my multiplication test. It’s not my fault, Mom. I know my times tables. I studied twice per week for four straight weeks. So I studied 12 times for that test!

The only difference between the hypothetical child and Ryan Braun is that the child didn’t deliver his sermon on a pitcher’s mound on national TV.

11 Comments

  1. What an asshole.

  2. Just wow.

    Just when you think it can’t get lower, somehow it does.

    Anyone remember Jason Giambi? He basically just confessed his wrongdoing and we all got over it pretty quickly and forgave him.

    I guess the rest of the PED-ers are slow learners.

    P.S. Hank Aaron is still the home run king. And Michael Jack Schmidt is still in the top 10 home run list.

  3. The Original that guy

    August 19, 2013 at 10:46 am

    If that guy wasnt an anti-semite before, you can bet your ass he is now.

    Best quote i ever heard in Sea Isle City, high school kid from Delco is drunk over hears a convo with a guy we know that went to The Haverfod school. Delco kid walks up says, “haverford school? what ‘gogue you go to? I dont care, just go the fuck back there.”

    Bravo Delco.

  4. Slammin Grezky's Daughter

    August 19, 2013 at 10:49 am

    Man what a piece of shit. Seriously. I wanna lock him in a room with Mel Gibson and the president of Iran.

  5. Candy from the Oak

    August 19, 2013 at 10:55 am

    I can see Ed moneybags hiring him for the flyers. They stick together

  6. Judging someone, and then throwing in a molestation “joke”? Wow.

  7. Zach Berman's booster seat

    August 19, 2013 at 1:01 pm

    I’m still a fan of Braun.

  8. Glad to see the fans in Milwaukee are turning on this POS. Would be tougher to take if they were actually trying to make excuses for him.
    I would say he is now approaching a Lance Armstrong level of douchebaggery.

  9. Man! That is lower than low. If I’m Mr. Laurenzi, I’m working on my strategy to haul Braun’s miserable ass to court and sue him for slander. Okay, Kyle, I’m sold, Braun is a supreme shithead.

  10. Braun isn’t a Jew. His mother is a shiksa and he wasn’t raisedJewish. He’s not our fault.

  11. HAHA

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