The Most Awkward Phancation Photo Ever

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From Dom Brown’s Instagram

Well, this is an awkward family photo.

From left to right, that’s Erik Kratz, Dom Brown, Tommy Greene, Greg Luzinski and Scott Palmer at the Phillies Phanacation, which is going on right now in the Riviera Maya(, just a few miles from where I’ll be heading on my honeymoon in July). One of these things doesn’t belong here, and it’s Erik Kratz, who was traded to the Blue Jays this offseason. But, either because he’s a good sport, wanted the free vacation, or most likely because he’s getting paid to be there, Kratz still went and just opted not to wear a Phillies jersey. I imagine this is the baseball player equivalent of accompanying an ex-girlfriend to a wedding because you want the free booze (and because you’ll probably still get laid).

I’ve always been amazed by these sorts of trips. On one hand, you get to rub shoulders with professional athletes. On the other, they’re usually B-list players and former players. I mean, no offense to Kratz, Greene, The Bull and Palmer, but if you book vacations around meeting guys like that, you are a real loser.* Brown, though, is a quasi-star. I’m guessing he probably agreed to this before he got good, when he was still deep on Ruben Amaro’s shit list. His presence, in my mind, takes the trip to different level. After all, how else can you get an MLB All-Star to toss his balloons at you in a pool? [Don’t answer that, girls.] But what about the athlete? There’s no way they spend the entire time around fans (Phans?), right? I couldn’t imagine how awful it would be to be pawed at for seven days straight. I mean, sure, after appearing on FOX Good Day a few times and the Great Sports Debate, I can’t leave my house without rubbing palms and kissing babies. So I just don’t leave my house. Ever. [For real, I haven’t showered since Saturday.**] But being at a resort for a week, surrounded by overzealous, and drunken, fans? Yuck.

*And then there’s this:

**I just realized I haven’t showered since the Eagles were still in the playoffs. Sometimes I write in hyperbole. This is not one of those times. I’ll be back in 20 minutes.

11 Comments

  1. They used to be better. I went in 2012 when Charlie and Victorino were both on the cruise.

  2. For a Honeymoon? Yikes. These ads don’t seem to pay that much do they?

    Given that you haven’t taken a shower in 3 days, you’ll probably fit right in though.

  3. Riviera Maya and the whole Cancun area is much better than I had expected based on the price. Just much more bang for your buck down there…even more than other Carribean locales. Also, I expected it to be just a bunch of d-bags spring break type folks. It was not, it’s really resort by resort.

    GREAT hookers if you’re into that sort of thing, though probably not on your honeymoon.

    • Sorry About Your Penis

      January 8, 2014 at 12:28 pm

      Wouldn’t it be cheaper to just stay home and rub your cock all over the doorknob of a I-95 rest stop Taco Bell instead of flying to Mexico and getting STDs from third world beaner whores?

  4. Tommy Greene looks like he would be a nice drinking buddy

    • When I was like 8-9, my dad came home from dinner one night with an autograph from Tommy Greene. He saw him at the restaurant he was at and asked him for an autograph for me and Tommy agreed. However, he was so absolutely smashed that he had to ask his wife/girlfriend/hooker how to actually spell his name, that’s how hammered he was. So, yes he’d be a good drinking buddy

  5. The only thing uglier would have been Rhea Hughes naked or that Rocky Dennis lookalike Spike Eskin wearing a Phillies jersey.

  6. Kratz is down there pushing his pavo tocino into all the brown sluts

  7. what was that shit about your honeymoon? What the fuck does anything have to do wth your honeymoon!

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