Russian Medalists Get New Cars Because Of Course They Do

Voila_Capture 2014-02-28_09-43-18_AMPerhaps our final Winter Olympics post (thank God– the games were a huge letdown this year).

Having success in Sochi was important for Russia so they could create tons of international capital to spend by invading the Ukraine the world could come away with a better view of them. Predictably, their medal-winning athletes are being taken care of… with A NEW CAR:

Russian Prime Minister Dmitry Medvedev handed out keys to a fleet of white Mercedes-Benz cars to 44 medalists next to Red Square in Moscow on Thursday, according to reports.

Three different classes of cars were offered for the three medal colors. They were adorned with the Russian Olympic Team logo, assuring they will stand out on the roads.

“I was a bit shocked at the car I was given,” gold medalist biathlete Anton Shipulin said, according to R-Sport. “Of course I knew what kind of model it would be, but I didn’t totally believe it.”

There are some issues though, some of which were cleared up in reports out of Moscow.

The minimum driving age for cars in Russia is 18. Figure skating champions Yuliya Lipnitskaya and Adelina Sotnikova are 15 and 17, respectively. Those without licenses also received a paid-for driver, according to The Associated Press.

Few things here:

1) That’s awesome for the athletes.

2) No problem with the colors – gold, silver, bronze – but is putting the Russian Olympic Team logo on them really necessary? I mean, nothing says hey, come kidnap me and hold me for ransom in the Caucasus region better than having your flashy car branded with a sticker that says “I’m rich and famous and important to Mother Russia.”

3) Yulia gets a driver? Really? Come on, Vlad, does she really deserve one after falling twice in the women’s skate? I think not. About four years chained to that aforementioned wall next to a patch of ice should prepare her for Gold in Pyonsndngndfndsnhcnancang, South Korea.

2 Comments

  1. #2 is hysterical! Good work on that one.

  2. Kyle's Reading Comprehension Teacher

    February 28, 2014 at 2:42 pm


    “handed out keys to a fleet of white Mercedes-Benz cars”

    The cars are all white.
    “Three different classes of cars were offered for the three medal colors. “
    The classes of cars are determined based on the medal won. (IE Gold – S Class Benz, Silver – E Class Benz, Bronze – C Class Benz)

    It’s ok.

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