[UPDATE] Who’d You Rather: Gracie Gold or Ashley Wagner?

Photo credit: Richard Mackson-USA TODAY Sports

Photo credit: Richard Mackson-USA TODAY Sports

UPDATE: Not all figure skaters are happy for Wagner and her success. See more after the jump.

IT’S A SHOWDOWN IN SOCHI. America’s baby-faced gold medal favorite, Gracie Gold (Gold!), daughter of a nurse and an anesthesiologist, vs. Ashley Wagner, a spunky meme-makin’, home-schooled military brat. Teammates… competitors. It’s a modern day Kerrigan-Harding, as so aptly observed by Mrs. O:

Voila_Capture1186

They do both look like they’d cut a bitch for gold, for number one in the Olympics. But what about for number one in your heart? The other day I wrote that Wagner was destined for a Kellogg’s box, and that still holds true. What I didn’t know yet was that she had a teammate named Gold– her name is Gold! She gets the Wheaties box. She’s corporate America’s masturbatory vision. She’s blonde! She’s pretty! She’s 18– “old enough!” HER NAME IS GOLD!!!!! Gold can endorse our shitty products until she’s grey! 

Anyway, who’d you rather– the baby-faced rich girl from Massachusetts, or the spunky military brat who wears her emotions on her face? This is the real showdown in Sochi.

Gold

Photo credit: Robert Deutsch-USA TODAY Sports

Photo credit: Robert Deutsch-USA TODAY Sports

Photo credit: Richard Mackson-USA TODAY Sports

Photo credit: Richard Mackson-USA TODAY Sports

Wagner

USATSI_7721378_168380803_lowres

Photo credit: Robert Deutsch-USA TODAY Sports

USATSI_7725560_168380803_lowres

Photo: Scott Rovak-USA TODAY Sports

So:

US skaters
Who'd you rather?

We have… a very important update after the jump.

Former Flyers Ice Girl Grace Deissroth, a figure skater, weighs in:


MEOW!

68 Comments

  1. Wagner looks like she has that Tonya Harding type crazy behind those blue eyes.

    Gold is hot and looks less likely to stab you in your sleep with a rusty skate.

    Both are better looking than Harding/Kerrigan.

    I go Gold. I wonder how much video of her showering the Russian journalists will have readily available when this is over…

  2. This was fun. You should do more of these

  3. You’ve been prepping and talking about these Olympics for months and you didn’t know about Gracie Gold until after the Kellog’s post? I’ve been only following since the opening ceremonies and heard her name like 30 times

    • Kyle Scott

      February 10, 2014 at 4:34 pm

      I knew there was another one and I was getting them confused. My “prepping” consists of making Bob Costas jokes, let’s be honest.

  4. Angelo's Inner Voice

    February 10, 2014 at 4:33 pm

    Haven’t watched any Olympics, so I have no idear who the 2 girls at the top are, but the chick on the right has too much teeth and not enough breastige. So the blonde on the left wins by default. I wonder if she’s ever been to Sea Isle? Mmmm…

    .

  5. Wagner definitely has a little Kenzo in her. Look at that mole on her face. Gold on the other hand looks like a typical slore from Scranton or Nova with a smelly twat.

  6. Looks like Frank Reynolds mortician did the makeup

  7. I CAN’T WAIT FOR THE LESLIE VS. DENISE VS. AMY EDITION!

    .

  8. Wagner is the 2014 Stepford Gurl.
    kinda creepy like Nicole Kiddman
    they’ll both have to roll on up that 15 year old Russkie

  9. Who’d you rather?….really? #CrossingBored

  10. Your Mother would have to “Carcillo” Gold before Wagner. As another poster said Wagner looks like the Trix rabbit. And damn if i can’t shake that image now…

  11. Wagner. She has a dirty mouth, bigger boobs, and is more likely to give it up and record a sex tape. Gold has a porn star name but would probably only show you her knockers and let you self pleasure yourself if you promise not to bust your nut on her chest.

  12. Gold is the girl you bring home to mom, you settle with, have kids, is classy, and might be a bit kinky in bed with you once a month.

    Wagner is the slut you bang in college, because she keeps coming back even though you verbally abuse her and kick her out of your house early so your buddies don’t see her. she likes to party, constantly DTF. She was fun to bang at first, but now you just do it because she’s available. its an anger bang each time because you just hate her when she talks or opens her mouth. You usually give her a call at 1am when prospects are bleak or she just shows up at 2:30am because she knows thats the only time she’s going to be able to spend time with you and she likes you still. You just can’t get rid of the girl for good, and even if you were to get rid of her, she’s going to do something to screw with your life, or screw someone you hate as a going away present for revenge, even though she thinks it will drive you back into her arms.

  13. You just described my sophomore and junior years of college. Thank you!

  14. if you look closely there is a disparity in the curvature of the bootay. wagner wins gold

  15. I’ll take Silje Norendal behind door number 3.

  16. Poverty of Truth

    February 10, 2014 at 6:06 pm

    I think it’s actually a tougher choice than the poll leads you to believe… Sure, everyone wants the blonde 18 year old who’s cute and so “american”. But Wagner looks like she could suck the skin right off my dick and it would feel amazing. And then she’d beg for some of the best dirty sex ever.

    With that being said, I went with Gold because I would like her to meet my mom after coitus.

  17. Neither are all that hot.. but I went with Gold.

  18. Neither of them have better breasts than Dei Lynam or a better ass than Cecily Tynan.

    • I’d love to be on your show Bob! Question: when you call our names, do we have to RUN down the steps? That could be result in a fashion faux-pas, depending on what I’m wearing.

      .

    • What’s the big deal with Cecily Tynan’s ass? She can’t read copy or talk about sports as good as me.

      (I’m so glad I don’t have her ass. Everyone would think I got my job based on my ass, and not my qualifications.)

      .

  19. I voted Wagner.

    There is no doubt that Gold is hotter. But Wagner is certainly the girl that is gonna let you cum in her face and do god knows what else to her.

  20. #1 Vick China Palace

    February 10, 2014 at 9:58 pm

    The narrative background is a game effort by Kyle, but one’s a 9.4 and the other would be an extraordinarily generous 7.

    Not really much of a competition, unless you’re a contrarian, and Wagner is doable enough that I can respect that.

  21. What the hell kind of poll is this? When you view the results, it lists the “total answers” AND “total votes”. When would those 2 numbers NOT be the same?

    Wait, was this poll set up by the Russians in Sochi?

    .

  22. Gold all the way. Wagner has a long face, end of story.

  23. “what, you can’t see crazy pussy when you see it ?”

  24. So, it’s Gracie Gold vs. Flo from the Progressive Insurance commercials?

    No contest!! Gold gets my vote.

  25. ashley would get it six ways to Sunday. dirty!

  26. Catch a damned pass

    February 11, 2014 at 1:09 pm

    Sounds like the Flyers girl didn’t suck a good enough dick

  27. Kyle and I have a VERY different idea of what a “very important update” is ….

    just sayin’

  28. Gold, although it wasn’t as easy a choice as you might think. Also, I don’t think the pictures you chose of Wagner are really helping her case here.

  29. Dei Lynam is in her fifties and prefers snatch mo-mo’s…

  30. How can Kyle not know that “Kellog’s Girl” finished 4th at nationals?

  31. Impossible to take issue with the near 100% consensus thus far. Last Sat when Wagner smiled at the end of her routine my kids ran screaming from the room. I’d tap her and her twin sister The Joker, but not til after 1a.

  32. So according to this chick who was texting Kyle, Wagner is supposed to come out and graciously tell everyone that she really didn’t earn her spot on the team? Yeah right, like that’s gonna happen.

  33. UPDATE: CAT FIGHT!!!!!

  34. I’d let Wagner lick my shitwinker while I fuck Gold hers

  35. @Budweiser seriously, all the talking he does about prepping for the olympics and having 8 screens and he doesn’t know the most basic facts that NBC shoves in your face every night.

    Watching sports and blogging about it is so hard – maybe he should make a t shirt about it

  36. Johnny Weir's Missing Pecker

    February 11, 2014 at 3:11 pm

    I would get lost in Wagner’s horse mouth!

  37. UPDATE:
    Who’d you rather?

    Gold
    Wagner
    Deissroth

    Deissroth in a landslide!!!

  38. The one without the horse teeth

  39. Thats awesome, but Deissroths eyebrows look like two caterpillers chasing one another. Holy cow those bad boys need to be tweezed

  40. Wagner has crazy eyes.
    Nooooooope.

  41. Id say leave them at the skate zone and give me that blonde Russian hunk with the tight hinee

  42. I’d rather Grace Deissroth!

  43. Can we please steer this post back to me and my boobs?

    .

  44. Grace Deissroth wins.

  45. Angelo's Inner Voice

    February 11, 2014 at 11:48 pm

    Wait, a “Flyers Ice Girl” has an opinion? Who’d have thunk it?

    (What’s even more amazing is that she thinks somebody cares!)
    .

  46. Deissroths just pissed her ex hooked up with another ice girl… while she was in the room.

  47. These pictures don’t do Wagner any justice, she looks a lot better in other shots.

    But the answer is still Gold.

    The whole story behind the Wagner getting in and that other chick missing the olympics is pretty f’d up. I mean it’s the top 3 in whatever tournament they have before the olympics that make the team…and the horse chick finished 4th. it’s like “well you did have the best Wild Card record, but we would rather have this team in the playoffs so screw you”.

  48. Deissroth looks like your typical jersey bridge and tunnel dyke … still wagner.

  49. Wagner because she looks like she would break your shit off in the best way possible. If you are talking long term then Gold.

  50. Ashley got my vote. She has incredible blow job lips and would take a load of cum on the face.

  51. Gold,Gold, lemee see ya butthole. Gon’ twerk it for nigga-put yo’ lips on my pole.

  52. Ms Gold all the way… she has the prettiest face over Wagner. Gold has the flowing archy eyebrows, Wagner is more straight/man look. Gold has the jawline, the V shape, and the lips down low. She has the smaller face, so the eyes and lips pop more, Wagner has more negative space. She just has the more ‘rare’ to find face shape than the other. I’d love her to by on my ‘old spice’ commercial. lol. Wagner does nothing for me…and in female skating, yikes… i dont think we have much medal caliber talent in our pipline vs the other countries… gonna be a dry spell.

  53. Neither really does that much for me and I think they are both probably more hassle/maintenance than they’re worth. That said, I tend to agree with those who suggest Wagner gives the impression she’s filthy and would do whom/whatever it takes to get her way. So I will say Wagner for sportf*ckin. Goldilocks if I gotta actually “date” one. Gimme Fenninger or that snowboarder from Norway over either one, though, any day.

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