34, Male, Athletic Wants to Trade Phillies Tickets for Sex

Screen Shot 2014-03-13 at 1.14.46 PM

Move over, Susan Finkelstein, here’s a 34/m/burbs Phillies fan looking to trade infield seats for his companionship and, presumably, sexuals:

I have SEASON Phils Tickets and I am looking for a fun, hot, sexy girl to come to games and help cheer them on. I am a few rows off the infield with a great view. If you are interested in some fun Phils games and maybe fun afterwards or just want tickets please respond. Put your favorite Phillie in the subject line and include a picture. What would you do for games anytime you want to go ?

I’m not sure where the enticing offer is here. He wants you to sleep with him and go to Phillies games? I mean, sure, maybe he’s 34, athletic and sexy and looks like Cliff Lee, but… who wants to go to Phillies games this year?

And put your favorite Phillie in the subject line? What does that have to do with anything? Like he’s going to turn down a perfect 10 because she put Marlon Byrd.

Side note: Is this even legal? Is it even real? So many questions.

H/T to the guy who hates me

28 Comments

  1. Sarah Baicker's Penis

    March 13, 2014 at 1:34 pm

    I may not be a girl (who knows) but I’m interested!

  2. The Philly Drunk

    March 13, 2014 at 2:08 pm

    This is some hard hitting reporting Kyle, don’t let the “haters” get ya down!

  3. You miss %100 of the pathetic attempts at companionship you don’t take.

    Can’t knock the hustle

  4. haha nova lost to seton hall in the 1st rd. c’mon kyle lets hear it for the “V”

  5. When’s the Villanova should be a #1 seed post going up? Haaaaaaaaaa. The Hall baby!

  6. I would watch Villanova lose to an unranked, non-tournament team from New Jersey.

  7. I get choked up just trying to talk about how great that Nova loss was. Those 2 fingers in the air represent the number 2 (not victory) which is now the seed you’ll be occupying.

    • Hahahaha. Nothing like being pissed seeing my boys of La Salle sucking it up, and then being pumped about Nova going down to Seton Hall.

      So now they will be facing a 15 and then a 7 or 10 seed. Better hope the 15 seed isn’t Stephen F. Austin. Also, hoping the 7 is OK St. No shot against Marcus Smart, Markel Brown, and the boys.

      • Why would you cheer a Villanova lost? I don’t get why any other big 5 school would root against another. it makes no sense. I go to Villanova, and I hope Nova destroys St. Joe’s, La Salle, Temple, and Penn. But when those teams (or Drexel) are playing someone else or have a chance to make the tournament, I’m rooting for them. And I don’t get why it wouldn’t be the same. What does Villanova losing do for you? La Salle’s season is still over.

        • It just does. La Salle lost like 10 straight to Nova until they finally beat them last year. So I hated them and that still lingers. To each his own. Good for you rooting for all big 5 teams, I just don’t.

          Also, I believe the post from earlier this week covered a lot of reasons why Nova losing provides a little more satisfaction then the other schools.

    • Which is also the number of games they’ll play in the tourny

  8. The police should setup a sting & arrest this pervert

  9. Bahahahahaha. Villanova. They’re so goddamn good huh, Kyle? But I guess I’m the one who can’t objectively analyze them, right?

  10. No Villanova post? #3 team in the Nation loses to Seton Hall? COME ON KYLE, stay balanced.

    P.S. Villanova played nobody, is overrated and stinks. And the students don’t even drink liquor or go to the games at the Wells Fargo Center – GREAT fanbase

  11. Nova women’s pussies smell too!

  12. Craigslist killer

    March 13, 2014 at 2:33 pm

    He asked to respond with a Phillies player in the subject line to weed out spam. Follow a simple instruction to prove that you are a real person and not a bot.

    Oh, yea, and fuck Nova, they suck balls, etc., etc.

  13. How about a NOVA post about that loss? Or explaining it?! 97.5′s whiner of the week!! Roasted by Mikey Miss!!

    A lot of time between now and the tourney to think about what doosh bags you NOVA pricks are. Good luck making it past the 1st round you ass clowns.

  14. Things must be pretty bad in Nova Land.
    Kacie McDonnell hasn’t even posted a selfie since the game ended :(

  15. Planning Ahead

    March 13, 2014 at 2:45 pm

    If you want to try to plow a whore in the front rows of Citizens Bank Park, this is probably a good season to get away with it. Come July you’ll be able to get entire sections to yourself and your Kenzo mouthmop.

  16. Can see attention whore big tity kacie dumping poor Aaron Murray when he doesn’t get drafted

  17. William Rhodes

    March 13, 2014 at 3:03 pm

    What’s Petzar doing reading the M4 ads anyway? Thought he was straight with a girlfriend.

  18. Eat a dick Kyle

    March 13, 2014 at 3:06 pm

    NOVA IS SO GODDAMN GOOD!!!!!! Bahahahahahahahahah. They will be out in the first round due to a complete lack of talent… What fucking planet are you from? Also, I beginning to think you make up scenarios in your head that do not translate to real life.

  19. step 3: make her open the box

    March 14, 2014 at 8:09 am

    I love that in the screen shot you can see the phrase “do not contact me with unsolicited offers”

    Only solicited offeres.

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