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The Onion Doesn’t Believe in Carson Wentz
By Jim Adair
Published:
It’s an honor for Carson Wentz to be the subject of an Onion article this early in his career. Really. Even if said article has him longing for the days of being someone’s Ryan Fitzpatrick:
“Frankly, I’d love to fast-forward to when I’m viewed as an experienced, reliable game manager who could run the offense if the team’s starter goes down,” said Wentz, adding that, after likely spending the next five to eight years bouncing around at least three different organizations, he is looking forward to being praised by commentators as a consummate professional who provides input to coaches and teammates from the sidelines. “Let’s jump to when I’m 31 and getting paid $2 million a year to mentor a young franchise quarterback or provide some competition to a struggling starter during training camp. You know, someone who nobody expects anything from, but who might start the last six games of a season and lead maybe the Dolphins or Chiefs to a wild-card spot before returning to a backup role the next year. I’m ready to be that guy.”
Personally, I would LOVE to be that guy. You don’t want to be that guy if you’re Wentz, picked #2, but there’s nothing wrong with getting paid to be the Koy Detmers of the world. This city would lose its goddamn mind, though.
When he's not writing about sports here or ranting about them on Twitter, Jim is probably watching X-Files on Netflix or drinking a beer somewhere. Jim has nothing against hockey, it's just not his style. He once met Duce Staley at a Sixers game.