Thanks for subscribing

Posts for Eagles Category

Ezekiel Elliott Also Has a Speeding Ticket Problem

Kyle Scott - July 18, 2017

Jahlil Okafors unite!

The Ezekiel Elliott shithead news continues to pile up. As he’s awaiting the league’s decision regarding his suspension stemming from domestic violence accusations last year, and after reports that he broke a guy’s nose, this nose…

… the Dallas Morning News reports that Elliott is appealing a misdemeanor conviction for driving over 100 m.p.h. in a Dodge Charger:

Dallas Cowboys running back Ezekiel Elliott is dealing with even more off the field troubles, this time in Collin County.

The 21-year-old is appealing a misdemeanor conviction for speeding after a state trooper clocked his 2016 Dodge Charger traveling 100 mph on the Dallas North Tollway near Lebanon Road in Frisco earlier this year.

The appeal bond was posted Friday, and the case was forwarded to the county court at law Monday, according to court documents. That court has yet to assign the case to a judge.

A Dodge Charger, really? OK, Vin Diesel. Have a modicum of self-respect if you’re an NFL millionaire… or any millionaire… or just a guy who can afford really expensive cars. I kind of liked Elliott last year, but he’s getting easier to hate by the minute. The multiple violent encounters were one thing, but putting your millions into a Dodge makes me irrationally angry. Cue the comments from the unrefined masses.

Doug Pederson May Not Be Very Smart

Kyle Scott - July 17, 2017

On the heels of Tim McManus writing that Doug Pederson may very well be coaching for his job this season, Crusher Doug decided to place a whole heap of unnecessary pressure on himself with this quote which, even in a vacuum, would’ve been kind of dumb:

“You’re capable. … I look back at my time in Green Bay as a player when we were making those playoff runs and those Super Bowl runs there, and do we have as much talent on this team than we did then? We probably have more talent, right?” Pederson said.

“But we also had a lot of talent in [2011] here and where did that get us? So there’s got to be a combination of blending all this talent with the coaching staff, with my ideas and philosophy, to bring that all together, put the egos aside, put pride aside, and just go focus on winning this game that we have in front of us. I’m a big believer [that] if you do that, then you look back at the end of the season and you’re probably going to be where you want to be, and that’s playing in the postseason.”

Oh Doug.

In other words, Pederson just said publicly that he thinks he has more talent to work with than a Super Bowl team (debatable!) and that the only that could hold them back is… coaching. It’s moments like this where I question his intellect.

Ezekiel Elliott May Have Broken Someone’s Nose

Kyle Scott - July 17, 2017

EAT UP!

More details are coming out in Ezekiel Elliott’s alleged bar altercation. TMZ, naturally, has obtained some video of the aftermath and reports the victim had a broken nose. Dallas police didn’t speak to Elliott, but several people ID’d him, including this guy, who is the ultimate narc:

That guy followed the tweet up with “cowboynation” and then called it a night. STILL DEM BOYZ.

Ezekiel Elliott Was Involved in an Incident at a Bar Last Night and I Couldn’t Be Happier

Kyle Scott - July 17, 2017

Football season is about two weeks away and it looks like we’re heading into it on a high note.

Adam Schefter backs reports from Busted Coverage and a Dallas sports talk radio station that Ezekiel Elliott is being investigated for his part in late-night bar altercation:

Cowboys running back Ezekiel Elliott was involved in a late-night incident at a Dallas bar Sunday, a source confirmed to ESPN’s Adam Schefter.

A Dallas Police spokesperson said no arrests have been reported in connection with the incident. 105.3 FM The Fan in Dallas first reported Elliott’s involvement.

Elliott is already under NFL investigation stemming from a 2016 domestic violence accusation against him. The running back has been preparing a response to the league to be submitted in the next week, sources told Schefter.

Multiple sources told Schefter that Elliott could face a one- or two-game suspension, but the NFL has denied that any decision on discipline has been made and said it could not be made until its investigation is complete.

Delicious.

Nothing like a 1-2 game suspension for domestic violence. I imagine a bar fight may tack a $10k fine or so on to that.

I’m going to cover this thing like it’s Watergate, so stick with us and we’ll keep you abreast of all the details:

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go house a bowl of cereal, pull its tit out, and punch it in the fucking face.

Real-time update: Dez Bryant!

HOW BOUT DEM COWBOYS!

Is Carson Wentz Too Compassionate?

Kyle Scott - July 13, 2017

610-632…

I call this post dichotomy.

Carson Wentz: I want to help people overseas, provide outdoor opportunities, and HELP DOGS.

Philly sports talk radio: 

Honestly, I think Carson is too good for us. Like Joel Embiid… he’s real– he has his faults, he’ll make his gaffs, he’s not perfect. He’s one of us. But we don’t deserve Carson. We can’t handle such a good guy. Philly may be the lord’s way of testing his patience. DON’T EAT THE APPLE, CARSON! TEACH THE MAN TO FISH!

Did I do that right?

Side note: Political advance men are in awe of that framing of Carson against the crown of thorns backdrop. Well done, PR person! Look for Ted Cruz or Mike Huckabee or some shit to do something similar the next time they run for president for the 23rd time.

What Are The Chances Ezekiel Elliott Actually Told This Fan to F Off?

Kyle Scott - July 12, 2017

I deal in rumor and innuendo. This may not be true. HOWEVER, I am going to post these fully unvetted Tweets about Ezekiel Elliott from six days ago because it’s the day after the MLB All-Star Game, the slowest sports day of the year:

There you have it: Ezekiel Elliott, possibly a dick. Somewhere, LeGarrette Blount eats a cheesesteak.