Category: Eagles (page 2 of 295)

Jason Kelce, Everyman

Voila_Capture 2015-05-15_09-19-03_AM Voila_Capture 2015-05-15_09-19-13_AM Voila_Capture 2015-05-15_09-19-21_AM Voila_Capture 2015-05-15_09-19-30_AM Voila_Capture 2015-05-15_09-19-43_AM Voila_Capture 2015-05-15_09-19-53_AM

Today in Jason Kelce, Everyman, we find the bearded wonder taking in the St. Denis fair in Havertown, which might be the most everyman thing a human in the Philadelphia area could do, just short of picking up a hoagie at Wawa on their way to a birthday party at Pica’s.

Meanwhile, for contrast, the last time we heard from LeSean McCoy he was hopping a private jet to Vegas to eat hot wings out of the cleavages of a harem of wannabe socialites:

Voila_Capture 2015-05-15_09-15-18_AMVoila_Capture 2015-05-15_09-15-30_AM

Side note: I’m passing no judgment here. If I had LeSean McCoy’s money (or Kelce’s, for that matter), I’d be encircled by so many rings of handlers and PR consultants that my pictures from the tarmac wouldn’t be Gram’d out until I was safely on final to my private island. Which I suppose is the sort of temptation that makes Kelce’s normality all the more impressive.

25 Comments

The Patriots’ Excuse for “Deflator” Name Is Breathtaking

Voila_Capture 2015-05-14_01-47-18_PM

The Patriots have issued a painfully long rebuttal to the Wells Report that no one is going to read at WellsReportContext.Geocities.Episode1Trailers.com. On that page, whose URL I may have exaggerated, they explained why one of the ball boys referred to himself as the “deflator.” Turns out he was just fat:

Mr. Jastremski would sometimes work out and bulk up — he is a slender guy and his goal was to get to 200 pounds. Mr. McNally is a big fellow and had the opposite goal: to lose weight. “Deflate” was a term they used to refer to losing weight. One can specifically see this use of the term in a Nov. 30, 2014 text from Mr. McNally to Mr. Jastremski: “deflate and give somebody that jacket.” (p. 87). This banter, and Mr. McNally’s goal of losing weight, meant Mr. McNally was the “deflator.” There was nothing complicated or sinister about it. If there was any doubt about the jocular nature of the May 9, 2014 texts, a review of all the texts between these two men that day would dispel it:

And here’s that exchange, which is also amazing:

12:21:46: JM “Whats up dorito dink”
12:22:53: JJ “Nada”
12:22:53: JM “Whens the pong party….im on fire”
12:23:10: JJ “Omg”
12:23:34: JM “Bring it”
16:29:48: JM “You still with your women”
16:29:59: JJ “Yup”
16:33:21: JM “You must have her [omitted out of respect to Mrs. Jastremski]”
16:34:39: JM “You must have a picture of her [omitted out of respect to Mrs. Jastremski]”
16:36:31: JJ “Omg”
16:37:16: JM “You working”
16:37:53 JJ “Yup”
16:39:40 JM “Nice dude…jimmy needs some kicks….lets
make a deal…come on help the deflator”

[After Mr. Jastremski does not respond for several minutes, Mr. McNally sends a follow-up text.]

16:47:15 JM “Chill buddy im just f****n with you….im not going
to espn….yet”

POOR MRS. JASTREMSKI!

I hate just about everything to do with the New England Patriots, but I kinda respect their doubling-down on this at the expense of a couple of twits and one of their wife’s tw… ah, never mind. The fact that serious people are thoroughly analyzing the text exchanges between Frick and Frack is the gift that keeps on giving. Need a podcast with these guys.

14 Comments

The Eagles hired a sports science guy from Australia… no, the Sixers did… no, the Eagles… wait, what?

Voila_Capture 2015-05-14_10-32-55_AM

This is an actual exchange we just had, not at all edited for readability and wit:

Jim: Hey, I got this post about the sports science guy.

Kyle: Cool. Looks like Chip promoted former NAVY SPECIAL WARFARE sports science guru Shaun Huls to director of sports science and (re!)conditioning and hired this guy from, of course, Oregon. Actually, two guys. He hired two guys from Oregon to do sports sciency things.

Jim: Oh, I meant the dude the Sixers hired from Australia after a “worldwide search.”

Kyle: No, the Eagles hired a sports science guy from Australia. And Oregon. He was from Oregon, too. You must have Hinkie on the brain. Nothing new for you. Write the post.

Jim: No, the Sixers hired an American from Australia, you’re probably just seeing that Chip licking his lips GIF over and over again in your head. But I guess the Sixers wanted to throw Brett Brown a bone and figured America + Australia = Happy Brown. I got this.

Kyle: Bro, the Eagles hired James Hanisc to be their “high performance analyst.” He was the sport science coordinator at Oregon before he founded a digital magazine (wait, Chip hires online writers?!). He previously went to school (attended university?) in Australia and worked as a performance analyst in RUGBY. They also hired J.P. Crowley Hanlon. He grew up in Oregon. Majored in advertising at Oregon. Was in a frat at Oregon. Worked as an undergrad assistant at Oregon. Interned at ESPN and for Hollywood’s Creative Artists Agency (CAA)… while at Oregon. He’s insanely good-looking:

Voila_Capture 2015-05-14_10-27-09_AM

The Navy guy is going to love him. He graduated from Oregon last year and was hired by Chip in February, but it’s just now being reported. So, to recap: Chip hired a 20-something Oregon grad to be a logistics coordinator in addition to the sports science freak from Australia. They’re the most Chip hires ever.

Jim: Nay. First off, J.P. Crowley Hanlon sounds like a villain in a Schwarzenegger movie. Secondly, I still think you’re confused (and you have a strong imagination). The Sixers hired David Martin, who has multiple degrees from the University of Wyoming, Northern Michigan University, and the College of Idaho, to be their Head of Sports Science. He left America for Australia in 1994 and has since “been at the cutting edge of physiology in Australian sport” while working for the Australian Institute of Sport. SPORT! He’s focused mainly on cycling and has published papers on both the sleep/wake behavior of endurance cyclists and the effects of high and low intensity training on road cyclists. He told the Sydney Morning Herald that he really prefers “working with struggling teams” where there’s “so much potential.” He’s basically Sam Hinkie’s alternate, Australio-American double.

Kyle: Who’s on first.

So yeah, both the Eagles and Sixers hired sports science guys from Australia. Meanwhile, I’m guessing the Flyers have placed a phone call to John Stevens and the guy who manages the Phillies increasingly seems like the dumbest person alive.

6 Comments

The Eagles Want the Defense to Be Able to Score on Failed Two-Point Conversions

Photo Credit: Eric Hartline-USA TODAY Sports

Photo Credit: Eric Hartline-USA TODAY Sports

Next week, the NFL’s owners meetings will take place in San Francisco and there will be a few opportunities to vote on rule changes. When it comes to the extra point, there are three proposed changes. The Patriots (booo) have proposed snapping the ball from the 15-yard line for the PAT. But the Eagles have pitched something different. From Bleeding Green Nation, which cites an AP report:

Philadelphia proposes snapping from the 15 for the kick, but moving the ball to the 1 for a 2-point conversion. The Eagles also want the defense to be able to score the points if it returns a turnover on the 2-point conversion to the other end zone.

Two-point returns? I’m down. But if the rest of this goes through, you can prepare for ESPN calling it the “Tim Tebow Rule” until Tebow never actually sees the field… or until Bradford gets hurt and Sanchez stinks and Tebow becomes the starting quarterback in Week 4. Get your shirts now!

Knee

14 Comments

Connor Barwin and Mark Sanchez Showed up, Unannounced, at Temple University Hospital Today to Meet Victims and Their Families

Voila_Capture 2015-05-13_04-46-02_PM Voila_Capture 2015-05-13_04-48-52_PM

As far as I can tell, there was no publicity surrounding this. Sanchez and Barwin just showed up at Temple, according to a couple folks on Twitter, and tried to cheer people up. Not surprisingly, Sanchez came bearing comfort food:

Voila_Capture 2015-05-13_04-45-52_PM Voila_Capture 2015-05-13_04-45-39_PM

More pics after the jump. Continue reading

22 Comments

Eagles Hire New Director of Pro Personnel, and LeSean McCoy Won’t Believe Who It Is

Voila_Capture 2015-05-13_03-07-14_PM

Eagles:

The Eagles have announced the hiring of Dwayne Joseph as the team’s director of pro personnel. Joseph was most recently the associate director of pro personnel with the Chicago Bears.

Joseph, 42, began his NFL career as a cornerback for the Chicago Bears, appearing in 16 games, starting one, in the 1995 season. After his playing career, Joseph earned his master’s degree in education leadership from DePaul University. He previously earned his undergraduate degree from Syracuse in human development.

Chip Kelly hates black people.

14 Comments

POS Boston Writer Is a POS

Voila_Capture 2015-05-13_10-44-32_AMVoila_Capture 2015-05-13_10-51-27_AM

[I was going to go with the lesser-used acronym BFB in the headline, but figured most people weren’t familiar with the shorthand for big fat blob.]

This is Tom Shattuck, and he is apparently paid to type his thoughts into a program that converts them into a format suitable for this specific public forum, the Boston Herald:

Voila_Capture 2015-05-13_10-54-09_AM

Sorry, losers. The fact is that everything about Brady is awesome.

Even his adopted hometown is cooler than yours. And that bothers you.

Boston has never looked better — never been better, and that only serves to fuel the irrational, national hate for Brady even further.

New York City is badly in need of Febreze, and its clown mayor has solidified himself as national donkey.

Philadelphia is home to the worst fans in sports and has nothing to offer the many visitors who don’t have the heart to tell them that their cheesesteaks are synthetic rubbish.

Baltimore … well … Baltimore is Baltimore. Enough said.

Ditto Detroit.

Indianapolis has relegated itself to the home of The Tattletale. It has an airport and a convention center. Maybe they can have the tattletale convention there. “Trust no one.”

These are just a few of the 
hater hot spots.

If you live outside of New England, chances are you dwell in one, too.

Clever. Unfortunately for Tom, who has a whole 1,461 Twitter followers, his dwelling may be even worse than those hater hot spots what with his commercial carpeting, crusty door jams, shredded blinds, and drop-ceiling. Boston may be a cool city, and it may look great, but can you still apply those descriptors if you’re an out-of-shape scribe who lives in a hovel and considers stuff like this his pastime?

No. No you can not.

It’s times like these where we can just roll out the always reliable Go Screw, Boston.

31 Comments

Eagles Twitter Guy Wonders If Sam Bradford Is Better than Andrew Luck

Photo Credit: Rick Osentoski-USA TODAY Sports

Photo Credit: Rick Osentoski-USA TODAY Sports

Sam Bradford is the Eagles’quarterback. People wanted Mariota, or Foles, or Manziel (really), or anyone other than Bradford. But it’s Bradford, whether you like it or not. And knowing full well that you don’t like it, the Eagles have turned up the hype meter to dangerous levels:

bradford tweet

EAGLES PR MACHINE IN OVERDRIVE!

Zach Ertz was a guest on Quick Slants and said that he doesn’t think he’s “thrown with a guy that has a stronger arm than Sam Bradford.” Ertz’s quarterback in college was Andrew Luck. And so, the crazy-ass headline.

Of course, it’s also worth remembering that “stronger arm” doesn’t mean better quarterback, or even good quarterback. Many other traits and factors come into play. Working ACLs, for example. So nice try, Eagles machine. But maybe let’s dial it back until, you know, Bradford shows that he can walk and run like a real human first. And then we can start with the comparisons… to mid-level NFL starting quarterbacks.

3 Comments
Older posts Newer posts

© 2015 Crossing Broad

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑