Archives For Eagles

The Key to the Eagles Winning the Division is… um, Matt McGloin 

Kyle Scott —  November 27, 2013 — 46 Comments

Yes, ’tis true. Former terrible Penn State quarterback Matt McGloin may be the key to the Eagles winning the division.

He’ll start tomorrow against the Cowboys, who, in case you haven’t noticed, are tied with the Eagles and already have a leg up on the tiebreaker (having beaten the Eagles). We need the Cowboys to lose as much as possible.

Enter McGloin.

I don’t particularly like college football. It’s too top-heavy, most games don’t mean shit, and the bowl system is a joke. Something about watching a sport where 99% of the teams are playing for nothing more than a glorified exhibition game rubs me the wrong way… and I preferred to be rubbed correctly. And, because of the disparity in skill with there being so many players spread across so many schools, play can be too wonky at times. So, I rarely watch.

But I did watch a few Penn State games after the whole Sandusky thing. Part of me was rooting for Penn State – whose students, players and fans had little to do with what happened – and the other part of me couldn’t look away from the carnage. Whatever. This was my takeaway during those games: Matt McGloin is the worst quarterback I have ever seen. Poor decisions, no arm strength, goofy white boy late-game hero attempts. He looked like he wouldn’t belong in a high-level Texas high school game, let alone D-I.

Now, inexplicably, he’s a starter in the NFL because the Raiders, and he’ll have a chance to help the Eagles’ playoff chances. Amazing.

video via Bob’s Blitz

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Eagles’ New Splash Cartoon Features Angelo Cataldi and Rhea Hughes Delivering Pies

Kyle Scott —  November 27, 2013 — 25 Comments

If you haven’t listened to the WIP Morning Show lately, then you won’t quite get this video. A few weeks ago, Angelo Cataldi and Rhea Hughes brought a pecan pie to the NovaCare Complex as sort of a gag. The Eagles won that week and Chip Kelly jokingly said it was because of the pie… so Angelo brought another the following week. And the Eagles won again. And then again. You get it. 

My, how times have changed. A year ago, Angelo (and just about the rest of Philadelphia) was considering a call to Uncle Jack to deal with Andy Reid. Now? Pies. 

Converting Angelo might be the most unconventional thing Chip Kelly has done here.

[I'm sure fake Angelo and Rhea will have field day with this one in the comments.]

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Chip Kelly Names Nick Foles the Official Starter, I Think Just to Piss Off Marcus Vick

Kyle Scott —  November 26, 2013 — 24 Comments
Voila_Capture682

Photo: Eagles

Sorry for the slow morning. Stay tuned for an announcement in the coming days (no, I didn’t sell the site, but I’m open to seven-figure offers for the holidays).

Chip Kelly has officially named Nick Foles the starter because the mainstream media needs something to write about (and truthfully, so do I right now):

“I think it helps our team overall because both of those guys have great attitudes,” Kelly said of his quarterbacks. “I think that rubs off on the rest of them, but I think it speaks to what the team is all about too. Those guys understand how this thing is put together, in that the same thing that I told Nick in August is the same thing I told Mike today. He’s a chinstrap away from having to go in again. We need to get him back up. The big thing with Mike is that he’s missed a fair amount of time here, so we’ve got to get him back up to speed.”

“They understand the situation and Mike wants to contribute anyway that he can,” said Kelly. “That’s the type of guy that he is. He’s a great teammate and great leader and he’s been great for Nick over the games that he’s been out in terms of helping him develop. We’ve got a good situation. I think we’ve got two quarterbacks who can win games in the NFL and I think you need both of them.”

The last time an Eagles head coach deemed the team as having two great quarterbacks, Kevin Kolb was still walking, and he and Vick were the combo. Now it’s Foles. Foles and Vick. I feel for Marcus. No I don’t.

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The Eagles Will Wear Their Black Jerseys on Sunday

Kyle Scott —  November 25, 2013 — 46 Comments

Voila_Capture669Voila_Capture671Somewhere, our fashion editor, Dan Fuller, who is over in the People’s Republic of Communist and Oppressive China right now, has some man wood about this. According to their Instagram, the Eagles will be wearing black uniforms on Sunday. FOOTBALL.

Dan here, checking in from China:

1) I like jersey news, but I don’t like the Eagles black alternate. From a set that screams “late 90s” (and, as Kyle’s said previously, losing NFC championship games), aside from the “it’s an Eagle… but it’s got an attitude!” logo, the black jersey is the worst 90s relic they have. BUT, I appreciate when they do anything different with the uniforms, so it’s worth discussing.

2) From the comments, the Eagles usually wear the black alternate with white pants, but they did pair it with green pants in 2003 and 2004. People usually have positive things to say about this combo every time we write about the black jersey, but I don’t find it to be anything other than an answer to a trivia question and notably ugly.

3) Also from the comments, the Eagles have worn all green, but only in 1997 and 2002. Again, it makes for better trivia than a good-looking uniform. Of course, 2013 has been a year of monochrome, with the Chiefs and Browns breaking out solid color uniforms for the first time ever, and the Vikings, Cardinals, and Titans showing up in single color combos not seen in a few years. (aside from the repeat offenders like the Saints, Panthers, Broncos, Texans, Bengals, Jaguars, and Seahawks — sorry, there’s no football in China. I take what I can get.)

trivia

Black over Green and Monochrome Green (from before the 2002 refresh — look at the numbers and pants striping)

The Gridiron Uniform Database is a great site for info like this.

I also have more pictures here.

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This Video of Chip Kelly and Nick Foles Will Make You Fall in Love with the Team

Kyle Scott —  November 21, 2013 — 37 Comments

Voila_Capture647The NFL released Sound FX video of Chip Kelly, Nick Foles and officials mic’d up for the Redskins game… and it will pretty much make you fall in love with this team.

0:14 Chip Kelly, WHO LIKES TO GO FAST IN EVERYTHING HE DOES OH MY IT MUST BE WEIRD HAVING SEX WITH HIM, with some profound statements about the nonsense of the NFL pre-game. “This whole thing is hurry up and wait. We should be like high school where we just get on a yellow school bus and five minutes before kickoff we pull the bus up and we get out and play.”

0:30 Nike Foles calls officials “sir.”

0:54 Chip: “We gotta go, get these guys goin!”

1:15 Foles tells Vick he’s trying to be like him. Somewhere, Marcus Vick further mutilates a voodoo doll. Jason Avant tells Foles he “[looks] like Michael Vick out there.”

1:27 Chip wants to go faster.

2:09 Official: “It’s either first and goal at the one or touchdown.”

Chip: “We’ll take touchdown. You said options.”

2:39: Big Balls Chip: “Keep the pedal goin. Keep it goin. No let up.”

4:05 Winners. Nick Foles screams.

Watch the video here.

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Donovan McNabb Said to Be in Good Spirits After Being Caught in Yet Another Shitstorm

Kyle Scott —  November 21, 2013 — 16 Comments

I am so sick and tired of writing about Donovan McNabb’s existence, but the dude is a shitstorm magnet. Wherever he goes, whatever he says, whatever he does… shit follows and usually hurls itself into a fan and, subsequently, on everyone downwind. McNabb always bears the brunt of it and then doles out little smears to those around him as disgusting tokens of his appreciation.

Good morning. That was my first paragraph of the day.

Donovan McNabb finally responded to comments made by Shawn Andrews accusing McNabb of being THE WORST TEAMMATE IN THE HISTORY OF SPORTS(!). I’m guessing McNabb would’ve had something to say sooner had he not been digging out from the shit flung by a nation of enraged rednecks.

Former Five, speaking to Mike Sielski, who took time off from ramming Ed Snider’s head in scrap metal crusher, was confused:

“That is ridiculous,” McNabb said. “I don’t know what comments you expect to get from me, but that is news to me and completely false. For me to bully anybody, that sounds unbelievable. . . .

“I don’t really understand why this would come about, one, and two, how this would even be an accusation. If there’s anything I can say, I was more than open to Shawn. I always tried to be open to all the guys. I’d invite them over to my house. I’d have holiday dinners or team functions, especially for the offense, every year. I’d buy all the guys gifts, if I made the Pro Bowl or not, for an appreciation. Shawn was one of the most talented offensive linemen we had. I was always happy to have him.”

McNabb’s in the business and was the subject of Andrews’ comments, which were everywhere yesterday. How did he not know about this until Sielski called him?

But I’m kind of on McNabb’s side here. Andrews called out McNabb and McNabb only. Why? Because his name gets headlines. If Andrews had said that, say, Correll Buckhalter used to send him dildos and laugh at him in the shower, everyone’s reaction would have been: Oh yeah, I remember Correll Buckhalter. What ever happened to him? But when it’s McNabb… shit happens.

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Donovan McNabb Got Grammatically Sideswiped by Kevin Harvick

Kyle Scott —  November 20, 2013 — 32 Comments

Voila_Capture641YES. YES! YESSSSS!!!!

One of the best things (the only good thing?) to come out of Donovan McNabb being a media personality is the fact that, now that he no longer has Shawn Andrews to call “gay,” he’ll inevitably piss off a bunch of athletes and entertainers.

First up was Jimmie Johnson, whom McNabb said isn’t an athlete. Maybe not. But he’s a champion, something McNabb got so close to one time that he may have vomited.

Predictably, McNabb’s comments about NASCAR drivers fired up the wrong crowd, and today, Kevin Harvick went after McNabb with a beautiful dig:

The seven cells inside McNabb’s head struggled to find a retort:

In fact, all he did with that Tweet was bring Harvick’s Tweet to the attention of thousands of his own fans who wouldn’t have otherwise seen it.

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“Shawn Andrews clearly has major insecurity issues and I would bet a lot more.”

- Former teammate Kyle Eckel on our Facebook page

On Shawn Andrew’s Latest Comments

 Posted by Kyle Scott  onNovember 20, 2013 In Eagles, Writer/Editor: Kyle Scott
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