Category: Phillies (page 1 of 380)

Video: Jonathan Papelbon Blows Save, Gets Booed off Mound, Grabs Crotch, Gets Ejected

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Noted dickbag Jonathan Paplebon blew a 4-1 lead in the ninth and allowed the eventual winning run to score on a wild pitch. Though Papelbon has been outstanding this season, he was booed off the mound for the effort, at which point he grabbed his crotch in the general direction of the crowd and the numerous kids sitting in the first few rows, and then was kicked out of the game by Joe West before charging out of the dugout, bumping West, and being shoved aside by the fat-assed umpire. How’s that for a run-on sentence?

As easy as it is to dislike Papelbon, he seems to always pick fights with jackasses of equal or greater value, making it hard to root against him. First Howard Eskin, now West. The latter says he ejected Papelbon for the crotch grab. Papelbon, of course, denies its intention, telling reporters after the game, via (@KevinCooney): “By no means was I directing anything at any fans. I have a four- and five-year-old son and daughter. I am not out here doing inappropriate things.”

Ah yes, the classic I have kids defense, because no athlete with children would ever dare do something inappropriate… like fart on reporters.

Papelbon also noted that he may file a complaint with the league over West’s contact. And that should be fun.

Gotta lova Michael Jack’s sheepish description of the incident at the end of the video. For those who don’t know it out there, baseball players wear kind of a jock strap and a cup, and there is a lot going on down there.

Fun Phillies season, this is.

UPDATE: Video of Papelbon speaking to reporters after the jump. Here’s how he explained it:

“I had to make an adjustment and I did it. I don’t even hear the fans out here. When I’m out there and I’m in the moment, the fans are irrelevant to me. I don’t even see them, I don’t even hear them.”

Which makes a nice juxtaposition with this quote from July, under CSN’s headline, Jonathan Papelbon hears your boos and loves them:

“I enjoy it,” he said. “I just think that it’s fun. It just brings a little bit of energy and life to the park and gives me a little bit of something to look forward to do every day.”

Papelbon regretted that only half the ballpark booed him.

“I heard some of them,” he said. “But that’s it? Maybe we can get the whole park going here soon.”

Here’s the glorious, hi-res photo of Papelbon grabbing his dick. Continue reading


Here’s the Glorious, Hi-res Photo of Jonathan Papelbon Grabbing His Dick

Jonathan Papelbon

Photo source: AP

[Click to enlarge]

This image was so good I had to buy it from the AP. Memes encouraged. Story and video here.


Ben Revere Misplayed a Hit so Badly, Andrew McCutchen got a Stand-Up Inside the Park Home Run

Hey, we haven’t checked in with the Phillies in a while, let’s see how they’re doing:

Feel free to watch that video a few times. It may take a couple of views to realize that yes, Ben Revere made a half-assed attempt to catch a ball he could not have caught even if he were two-feet taller. And yes, Grady Sizemore, playing right, didn’t even budge until the ball already ricocheted of the wall and in his general direction. And yes, Andrew McCutchen, on what was a hard-hit but definitely playable ball, scored a stand-up inside the park home run.

That inside the parker also tied the game up, while Russell Martin also homered in the fifth inning, giving the Pirates (and pitcher VANCE WORLEY) a lead they would not relinquish. None of this really matters though, because the season is over, right? Wrong. According to Ben Revere — the same one above — this team is trying to make history:

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The team currently in that second wild card spot is the Pittsburgh Pirates, the team that manhandled them last night. They are nine games back of the Pirates with 17 games to play. Baseball Prospectus gives the Phillies a 0.0% chance of getting that 2nd wild card spot. In case you were wondering what that looks like, the Phillies are that flat red line on the bottom:

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So this season is over, but maybe we can get a fresh start next year, right? RIGHT?


Ruben Amaro, Moron

Hey, it’s been a while since we fucked with Ruben Amaro. So let’s do that.

Amaro, Howie Roseman, Ron Hextall and Devils CEO Scott O’Neil (presumably Sam Hinkie wasn’t present because the moon is in the third house or some shit) were at the Rothman Institute this morning for a panel on something something Philadelphia sports. AP reporter Dan Gelston was in attendance and has a whole bunch of interesting quotes from the event (conveniently aggregated after the jump), but when it came to Amaro… well, he’s dumb:

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Heh. Pick up a stat sheet. Congratulations, grandpa. Do they tune in to rivals’ games on the radio, too? The whole point of analytics is to basically do away with the traditional stat sheet of raw, results data and compute it into meaningful metrics. So perhaps Hinkie didn’t show simply because he would’ve felt the need to PUNCH RUBEN AMARO IN THE FRACKING FACE for such a statement, but I’m just speculating. Anyway, Amaro says the Phillies use analytics because a couple of old dudes read the box score. Cool. At least they’re rethinking some of their old baseball ideas (they’ll read the box scores on their Apple Watches!).

Some fun highlights from Gelston, after the jump. Continue reading


You Can Help Richie Ashburn Get into the Hall Of Fame, Again

Image via the Baseball Hall of Fame Facebook page

Image via the Baseball Hall of Fame Facebook page

Though Richie Ashburn entered the National Baseball Hall of Fame in 1995 for his achievements as a player, he could go in again next year, this time for his career as a broadcaster. According to, Ashburn is up for the Ford C. Frick Award, awarded to a broadcaster for “major contributions to baseball.” Whitey is one of 42 candidates to receive the award this year — along with fellow HoF players Dizzy Dean, Pee Wee Reese, Don Drysdale, Harmon Killebrew, Duke Snider, Ralph Kiner, and other non-player broadcasters — and you can vote for him once a day until September 30th over on the Hall of Fame’s Facebook page.

The top three vote getters will be placed on a the HoF ballot “before a Hall of Fame research committee fills out the rest of the ballot early next month,” and the winner will be announced at December’s Winter Meetings.

And in case you’re wondering if Ashburn really deserves the honor, instead of just basing your vote on Philly sports homerism, take this now-popular story from Harry Kalas’ own Hall of Fame speech:

People ask me what it was like working with Richie. His Whiteness and I were together for 27 years, and it was such a joy. He not only brought to the booth baseball expertise, but also laughter. Whitey had a marvelous sense of humor. I remember doing games with him, and it would be getting late in the game, late in the evening, and Whitey would say on the air, “I wonder if the people at Celebres Pizza are listening tonight?” Well, within 15 minutes, bang, pizzas are delivered to the radio booth.

This went on for a little while, and pretty soon Phillies management called him in, and they said, “Richie, Celebres Pizza is not one of our sponsors. We can’t be giving them free plugs.” Now, we do do birthday and anniversary announcements on the air. So shortly after his meeting with the Philadelphia brass, it’s getting late again in the evening, and he’s getting hungry, he said. “Well, I have very special birthday wishes to send out tonight to the Celebres twins, plain and pepperoni.”

That story alone is worth the award.


Game Ball, Hamels’ Hat, Lineup Card from Combined No-Hitter Headed to the Hall of Fame

Photo: Phillies

Photo: Phillies

The Phillies’ combined no-hitter from this past weekend, the only thing cool or interesting or smile-inducing about this season, will result in some memorabilia being sent Cooperstown’s way. According to Todd Zolecki, the Hall of Fame will receive and display Cole Hamels’ cap from the game, a game ball, and Ryne Sandberg’s signed lineup card. Additionally, as a sign of “this season doesn’t matter to either of us, so just have it,” the Braves have said they’ll dig up the rubber from the pitcher’s mound after the season is over and send it to the Phils. Maybe instead of displaying it they can just install it at CBP and hope that mojo carries over.


Pat Gillick Crushes Your Dreams, Says Both Amaro and Sandberg Will be Back Next Year

Photo Credit: Bill Streicher-USA TODAY Sports

Photo Credit: Bill Streicher-USA TODAY Sports

Any long-shot hope we had that Pat Gillick was going to come in while playing the part of “interim president” and just clean house, giving us the front office we wanted, is out the window. Speaking to reporters in Atlanta, Gillick said of both Ruben Amaro Jr. and Ryne Sandberg:

“They’re under contract. Ruben is under contract through ’15, and Ryne’s under contract … So right now there’s no thought whatsoever of replacing either one. I’m just here to keep a steady hand on the rudder.”

But what about the terrible job Ruben is and has been doing?

“Ruben and I mutually agree on most decisions that we make. Ruben is very inclusive on any decisions that we make for the ball club. But right now, if there’s something I might have a different opinion, I’ll certainly voice that opinion, and we’ll talk it through and try to make what we think is the correct decision.”

All of the decisions Pat, ALL OF THE DECISIONS. I didn’t actually expect Pat Gillick to come in, in a part-time role, and clean house. I hoped, but I didn’t expect it. What really bums me out about all of it, is that Gillick doesn’t see any flaws in what got the Phillies here and says that “a tweak here or a tweak there might make you a little more competitive.” It’s all just another sign of the front-office’s collective delusion that “a tweak” is something we want, and “a little more competitive” is enough.


Mo’ne Davis Threw the Best First Pitch of All-time

Mo’ne Davis is a stud. Look, if you’re one of the people complaining about hearing about her, just stop. In a summer (locally, nationally and internationally) devoid of hardly anything positive, Davis stood out by beating up on little boys. She’s a 13-year-old girl from the city of Philadelphia who’s become a national sensation. A month ago no one knew who she was, and last night she signed an autograph for Yasiel Puig. It’s a great story, all-around. Her 15 minutes will soon be up (at least temporarily), so then you can all go back to hating the world. But for now, she deserves the attention, if only for that little tailing fastball action on near the mound at Dodger Stadium. I just wish Jesse Jackson would butt out and stop trying to leech onto her.

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Photo: Dodgers

And yeah, Vin Scully called her “the 13-year-old from Chicago.” He’s not wrong, since she did just come from Chicago. But we’ll let that slide. Vin’s old and, frankly, I’m amazed that he’s able to eek out sentences without his commentary devolving into stories that begin exclusively with when I was your age.

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