I don’t know what I’m doing!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING, RUBE? STEP AWAY FROM THE TEAM! THAT’S IT. JUST LIKE THAT. PUT IT DOWN, DON’T HURT CHOOCH(!), AND PLACE YOUR HANDS AND YOUR SWINGING DICK IN THE AIR, WHERE WE CAN SEE THEM. GOOOOD, GOOOOD. JUST LIKE THAT. NOW WALK TOWARDS ME. CALMLY. I SAID CALMLY, DAMMIT!!!!
Lots of reports coming out of the Winter Meetings today. This is the gist of them:
Buster Olney is reporting that the Phillies have told other teams they are willing to discuss trading Cliff Lee and Cole Hamels.
Jon Heyman confirms that report.
Peter Gammons says the Phils would attach Dom Brown to a trade if someone takes Papelbon, and they would use the saved money for a starter.
Matt Gelb reports that the Phils will not eat any money.
This makes… no sense. By signing admitted PED user Marlon Byrd and re-signing Carlos Ruiz, the Phillies are obviously still in win-now mode. But then why, IN THE SAM HILL FUCK, would they be exploring trades for Hamels, Lee and Brown? They have to be screwing with reporters. Rube is feeding them shit, so they all go right when he goes left and trades for Giancarlo Stanton. That’s the only thing I can think. Because the one report – that they would use the money saved from trading Papelbon (packaged with Brown, mind you) to sign a starting pitcher – doesn’t jive with the other– that they are willing to trade Hamels and Lee. It makes no sense. Their biggest need isn’t even starting pitching. It’s people that can hit baseballs. They don’t have many of those.
Here’s what Olney wrote in an Insider article:
The Phillies have been veering toward a financial crunch for the past couple of seasons, given the whopping obligations to Ryan Howard – who is owed $85 million over the next three years — and Jimmy Rollins and others.
But it’s hard to find a consistent strain of thought in what the Phillies are doing. On one hand, Philadelphia spent big onCarlos Ruiz earlier this offseason, giving him a three-year, $26 million contract, and signed Marlon Byrd to a two-year, $16 million deal. Those moves suggested Philadelphia is still looking to win in 2014 and 2015.
In recent days, however, they have told other teams they’d be ready to move either of their two best starting pitchers, as well as closer Jonathan Papelbon.
You’re wrong, Buster. There is no financial crunch. The Phillies are about to get roughly $170 million more – per season – from TV contracts. If not now, then soon. Their only “crunch” is staying under the luxury tax threshold ($189 million).
I’m at a loss. I have no idea what’s going on. Neither does Rube. It’s like he has rabies. He’s just stringing together movements and actions with no logical progression. Old guy, old guy again!, trade young guy, trade our best player!, money, lie to someone, shush a reporter, lie to a reporter, spend money, save money, lick my ass, lick his ass, Happy Hanukkah.
STEP AWAY FROM THE TEAM, SIR!