Category: Sixers (page 1 of 88)

Chris Brown is Like AI and Usher is Like MJ, According to Noted Asshole Chris Brown

Chris Brown — who has beat up a woman, allegedly almost blinded Tony Parker, punched Frank Ocean, and has been generally terrible for a while now — apparently thinks he’s the best dancer around (people care?) and takes offense when someone suggests it may be Usher. In an interview with MTV News, Sway (because no one ever stops working at MTV) asked Brown the very-pressing question of who would win a dance off between he and Usher. Brown, who we would like to remind you again is a noted shithead because no one should forget, then compared himself to the pound-for-pound greatest:

To best illustrate his point, Brown pointed to a 1997 NBA game between Allen Iverson’s Philadelphia 76ers and Michael Jordan’s legendary Chicago Bulls team. At the time MJ, was without question basketball’s greatest active player and Iverson was a young upstart from Virginia with tremendous ability and a new-school hip-hop swagger

“It’s like when Iverson crossed Jordan,” Brown says, comparing an Usher match-up to the time when A.I. unexpectedly shook MJ out of his Air Jordan sneakers.

“It’s a little different — these moves a little new,” Brown continued with a laugh.

Still, just for the record, Sway asked for some clarification. “So you’re saying you wouldn’t lose?” he asked Brown just to be sure.

“Absolutely not,” Brown responded.

You know what? Chris Brown is just like A.I. Well, except that A.I. was a basketball player who didn’t beat up women [editor's note: he just threw them out of the house naked]. That’s the main difference there.

GIF from the NYT, via Giphy


Kevin Durant Hung out with Allen Iverson

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It looks like KD and AI have been hanging out, since they both Instagrammed that picture above last night (Iverson’s caption read “Much respect to the lil homie KD. Keep doing what you’re doing and don’t let nothing stop you from being you”). Durant’s caption is some high praise on its own.

First it was LeBron last year, and now Kevin Durant — the top two players in the NBA right now — who have called Allen Iverson the best “pound for pound” to ever play the game. While it’s unlikely that Jordan (or maybe in a few years, LeBron or KD) will ever concede the consensus “best ever” title to AI, for 25-year-old Kevin Durant, the “best player” choice growing up was basically down to Iverson or Kobe. I like his way of thinking. Now, if AI could just convince him that the Sixers are building something real exciting that is worth checking out once his contract is up.

Additionally, if you’re in the market for 76ers season tickets, you can stand-in for Kevin Durant above:

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h/t The Sixers Sense


Nerlens Noel is Running Part of the Rocky II Training Montage Today, Hopefully Not Re-Tearing His ACL

According to the Inquirer, starting between 1 p.m. and 1:30 p.m. today — aka right about now — Nerlens Noel and a camera crew from NBA TV will be recreating some of the Rocky II training montage run:

A camera crew will track Noel as he works out at 11 a.m., goes through a shootaround session at noon, and grabs lunch. Starting between 1 and 1:30, Noel will run at the various spots around the city that Stallone used in his movies’ iconic training sequences, including the Italian Market, Independence Hall, and Kelly Drive. Noel’s “run” will culminate around 3 p.m. at the Art Museum, where 100 to 150 middle-school and high school students will join him as he sprints up the steps. Then everyone will have Papa John’s pizza, since Papa John’s is one of the event’s sponsors.

I assume those 100 to 150 middle school and high school kids will come in handy when they have to carry Nerlens and his torn ACL up the steps after he re-tears it emulating Rocky. At least they’ll all get Papa John’s, so you know it’s definitely worth it.

It’s all part of Nerlens’ plan, according to the Inky, to launch an annual Nerlens Noel Rocky Run 5K for charity (which does not seem to be related to this, or is it? There’s no way they’re doing two officially licensed “Rocky Run 5k” runs, right?).

All joking aside, I’m sure Nerlens’ ACL is totally fine, but that would be the absolute worst way to re-injure yourself.


Joel Embiid Totally Looked like he wasn’t Paying Attention at the NBA’s Rookie Transition Program

Joel Embiid, totally not listening, via the New York Times

Joel Embiid, totally not listening, via the New York Times

The New York Times yesterday put up a piece on the NBA’s Rookie Transition Program, a kind of one-stop-shop for teaching young (now rich) dudes to behave like rational, well-rounded, smart, rich men. As part of a longer piece on it, there’s a short video where they briefly talk to Joel Embiid (including a literal post credit scene where Embiid says he told Wiggins he was going to dunk on him), and then show that shot above, of Embiid turning side-to-side in his chair, seemingly not paying as much attention as those around him. But what would he have even been paying attention to?

The program itself was dense, intense and dizzyingly varied. There were tips on how to drive your new sports car without having an unfortunate incident. There were lessons in how to sleep properly when you keep crazy hours and stay in hotel beds that might not be as long as you are tall (make sure the room is dark, for starters; if you have to eat late, stick to calming carbohydrates). There was advice about navigating on-camera interviews when, for instance, you are half-naked in the locker room. There was a bit on “embracing manhood.” There was a discussion of gender violence, sexual harassment and the appropriate treatment of women. There were segments on anger, guns, weapons, drugs and gambling (message: avoid those things).

Well that all seems like important stuff. What did they learn about the treatment of women, maybe using a movie to set up an example?

After a scene from “Blue Jasmine” in which a character gets into a fight with her boyfriend after she sleeps with another man, the players voted on what they would have done, with options including “hit the girlfriend” and “leave and go get high and drunk.” (No one chose those.) Sixty-two percent of the rookies said they would “call another girl and hang out with her.”

If there was a write-in option, I’m sure Embiid wrote “slide into her DMs.” And how about behaving with the fairer sex, about which Detlef Schrempf said “you’re talking about superstar athletes and male hormones, for those who want to partake, it’s easily accessible 24/7″:

To deter the rookies from partaking, there was a slide show juxtaposing photographs of beautiful semi-clad women with photographs of hideously diseased genitalia.

Wellllll shit. That should probably work.


I Think the Sixers’ Social Media Team May Have Finally Cracked

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It’s been a long offseason, and they’ve had fun with memes and other teams, but I’m starting to get legitimately concerned that they’ve lost their grip on reality. Can someone just check in on them to see if they’re okay?


USA Today Predicts History’s Worst Record for the 2014-2015 76ers

Much like the Sixers' upcoming season, I do not know what is happening here. Photo Credit: Bob DeChiara-USA TODAY Sports

Much like the Sixers’ upcoming season, I do not know what is happening here.
Photo Credit: Bob DeChiara-USA TODAY Sports

We all know last year’s Sixers team — removed from the context of “rebuilding” and “taking” — was very, very bad. We know this year’s team, similarly removed as to stand-alone, will probably be worse. But how much worse? Here’s what USA Today thinks:

2013-14 record: 19-63, missed playoffs

2014-15 projected record: 8-74, miss playoffs

Thanks for being clear about the playoffs, guys. Eight wins would best the 76ers — and NBA’s — worst record in history by one game, leaving them with a .099 win percentage. That is good enough for 30th in the totally made up USA Today Sports’ NBA Watchability Rankings. Well, USA Today, I will be watching a whole bunch of Sixers games this year, and I will let you know exactly how unwatchable they are, through a stream of tears of laughter hidden behind empty beer cans.


Joel Embiid Get his NBA 2K15 Rating, Does the Shmoney Dance on the Street

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After direct messaging “Ronnie 2K” at 2K Sports to let him know his offensive game better be on point in NBA 2K15, Joel Embiid shared his overall rating on Instagram last night. The 77 overall puts him one point behind Jabari Parker (and tied with Andrew Wiggins) to make him the 2nd-highest rated rookie in the game. Embiid, of course, wants his rating to be higher, but that’s none of his business though. To celebrate, or just to be Joel Embiid, he took to the streets of Philadelphia to do the 76ers favorite, the Shmoney Dance.

No word on if that made the game as a pre tip-off move.

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Joel Embiid Tells Billboard That Nicki Minaj’s “Got a Big Butt, and She Uses it Well”

In a piece that went online today, Joel Embiid talked to Billboard magazine about his musical preferences and his tweet game. When it comes to all things Embiid, it’s not especially interesting — though we dig that he digs Philly’s own Meek Mill and he’s bonded with his teammates with the shmoney dance — except for this part:

Later, Embiid raised some eyebrows when he called Nicki Minaj’s record-breaking, booty-popping “Anaconda” music video “trash” on Twitter; three weeks later, he still stands by the assertion. “I mean, all the dancing, all that stuff was cool — but I think the music, personally, I don’t think it was a good one,” he says of the “Anaconda” clip. “The dancing and stuff, I think that’s what got other people so excited … She’s got a big butt, and she uses it well. And she uses it well to mess with people!”

Yea … mess with people. That’s what she’s doing.

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