While we all wait with bated breath to find out what unfortunate soul got Jim Nantz’s tie (you can’t tell in this video– I looked), let’s turn our attention to the first math class North Carolina basketball players have attended since the Eric Montross years– Roy Williams’ post-game bracket mathetology, Hard Math:
THIS IS CAROLINA BASKETBALL!
— Carolina Basketball (@UNC_Basketball) April 4, 2017
It would appear that coach Williams, in an effort to get his players those pesky little academic credits required to play pro college ball, launched a locker room class in which he walks the players through the difficulties of dividing even numbers by 2. North Carolina, now the national champions as it turns out, made it through 64-32-16-8-4-2 and have now, much like Brian McKnight, have arrived back at one. One. The number 1:
GAH! What the fuck is that? Burn it, burn it with fire! That’s an I! I can’ t even write it appropriately on this site because I’m not a mongrel and use sans-serif fonts. But OK, let’s give Williams’ players the benefit of the doubt and just assume for a second that they can even spell Roman Numeral and were taught to count in a prerequisite course called Super Bowl Logos… even then, what sort of lunatic writes simple whole numbers as numerals? I – I! I! I! – demand an immediate investigation into the accreditation of Hard Math, Super Bowl Logos, every other half-assed course North Carolina players have had someone else attend for them, and next semester’s upcoming class, Title Forfeiture. If there was ever an instance to make you question the legitimacy of North Carolina’s academics, this is it!
Side note: I got Tweets and texts asking how I felt about Kris Jenkins wearing a North Carolina shirt last night. I didn’t mind it. You see, when you crush another team’s soul with a shot like that, you are granted full ownership of their entire program, and with that comes all the gear and swag you want. Jenkins was simply supporting what is rightfully his (and his brother from another mother). But this… this was too much:
UNC's mascot Ramses just left the floor and gave Kris Jenkins a hug. All is forgiven.
— Brian Hamilton (@BrianHamiltonSI) April 4, 2017
Enough. Enough now.