The Phillies Have Been Consistently Mediocre… and That’s a Bad Thing

Kyle Scott —  June 17, 2013 — 7 Comments

Screen Shot 2013-06-17 at 4.05.32 PMThis graph, via Reddit, shows MLB divisional standings based on games over or under .500. The theory goes that good teams will slowly migrate to the north on this graph, and that bad teams will slowly migrate south (or, if you’re the Marlins, jump off a fucking cliff until you run out of room and there is literally no way to be any worse). The Phillies, however, are consistent. Consistently on the ass of mediocrity.

They’ve essentially hovered between two and four games under .500 for the entire season, once getting a game over, and a few times finding themselves five games under. To me, there’s no better indicator that this team is going nowhere. They’re just doggy-paddling their way to edge of the graph with no real purpose. Every little one- or two-game winning streak is balanced – quite rhythmically, actually – with a one- or two-game losing streak. It’s… nice, but rather unfulfilling. If this graph represented sexual intensity, the Phillies would be just meh, while the Braves would be oh baby!… and the Marlins would be oh my god please stop I’m bleeding.

The Phillies are what they are. No better, but not much worse either. There’s no indication that they have the ability to put together a long winning or losing streak. And that may be a problem: They’re handicapable enough to hover at or around .500 long enough for Ruben Amaro to make fickle and foolish moves. Signing Carlos Zambrano, a nutjob at the end of his career who might be able to squeeze a few more months of value out of his arm, was a sign that Amaro thought the season could be salvaged, because otherwise, you’d want give [insert minor leaguer] an opportunity, or get someone who might not choke out his pitching coach. But then there are the very real trade rumors surrounding Cliff Lee and Jonathan Papelbon– obvious signs of rebuilding. You can’t have it both ways– either you buy or you sell. Unfortunately, the Phillies could be just good enough, but just bad enough too, to do neither… or do both… when what they should do is fire Amaro and Charlie Manuel and go from there.

You can see all the divisions after the jump. Continue Reading…

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Ed Snowden Continues with His General Badassery

Kyle Scott —  June 17, 2013 — 10 Comments

Screen Shot 2013-06-17 at 2.22.44 PMEd Snowden, the most – insert [popular] [wanted] [feared] [hated] [nerdy] [badass] [dead] – man in the world, gave another interview to the Guardian about his decision to come forward with documents which revealed that the NSA is basically reading this while I type. But this time he spoke directly to the people, taking questions from readers and Twitter. I would highly recommend you read the entire transcript, as is the case with all things Snowden, but these snippets stood out:

So far are things going the way you thought they would regarding a public debate?

Initially I was very encouraged. Unfortunately, the mainstream media now seems far more interested in what I said when I was 17 or what my girlfriend looks like rather than, say, the largest program of suspicionless surveillance in human history.

Edward, there is rampant speculation, outpacing facts, that you have or will provide classified US information to the Chinese or other governments in exchange for asylum. Have/will you?

This is a predictable smear that I anticipated before going public, as the US media has a knee-jerk “RED CHINA!” reaction to anything involving HK or the PRC, and is intended to distract from the issue of US government misconduct. Ask yourself: if I were a Chinese spy, why wouldn’t I have flown directly into Beijing? I could be living in a palace petting a phoenix by now.

I can’t tell if that last thing is the most badass, or douchiest, line in the history of mankind. Somehow, it could be both. But I’ll have to disagree with Snowden that his girlfriend isn’t a relevant topic:

Screen Shot 2013-06-17 at 2.21.45 PMI call this one: “Where in the world is my spook boyfriend?”

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Did Chip Kelly Do Something Unconventional Today?

Kyle Scott —  June 17, 2013 — 12 Comments

Screen Shot 2013-06-17 at 2.05.04 PMHe did.

Snoop Dogg (Lion) also wants Chip Kelly to make a decision on quarterback, and he wants it to be Michael Vick.

Speaking at what appears to be his “family fun camp,” Mr. Lion, who was joined by DeSean Jackson (because of course he was), responded thusly when asked who should be the Eagles’ starting quarterback: “Vick. Vick! Vick! Vick. Vick. Vick!!! [gyration] It better be Vick. Vick. Vick.”

And DeSean on practicing with the twos and threes: “[Chip Kelly] comin’ from college, he don’t care who you is. You just have to go out there and work hard.” Good man.

Video over at NFL.com.

via CBS Philly

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Bernie Parent Continues to Have a Better Life Than You

Kyle Scott —  June 17, 2013 — 2 Comments

In his latest column on Philly.com – the local non-profit that affords celebrities, sports stars and politicians (oh, and journalists, too) the opportunity to write pretty much whatever they want – Bernie Parent urges you to laugh more, which would be significantly easier to do if your life consisted of titties at Wing Bowl, banquets and fishing:

Make a list of 10 different things you love to do. One of mine happens to be on a boat, offshore, tuna fishing. But tomorrow, I don’t want to go f***ing tuna fishing, I want to go feed the ducks at the pond. When the list has been exhausted, make another one. And I guarantee you’ll find something to laugh about while you’re doing the things you love.

When I wake up in the morning, I look at myself in the mirror and laugh at myself. It is important to add some cheer into your day-to-day life and stop taking yourself so seriously. Don’t scold yourself for the mistake you just made. Laugh at it. The more you beat yourself up over your slip-up, the more power you give it and you allow it to consume your thoughts, even your entire day.

My list:

1) Go to a waterpark because waterparks are fun and, really, could serve as a proactive deterrent for would-be terrorists. No one wants to harm anyone after giggling their way down a water ride. 

2-10) Somehow figure out a way to live Bernie’s life.

Never change, Bernie. Never change.

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You Can Buy the New DeSean Jackson Documentary on YouTube and Amazon

Kyle Scott —  June 17, 2013 — 1 Comment

Screen Shot 2013-06-17 at 1.17.32 PMDeSean Jackson’s documentary debuted on iNDEMAND (the Comcast, Time Warner et al. on-demand service) yesterday. It is also available on YouTube starting at $7.99 ($9.99 for HD). I have no clue whether it’s free on iNDEMAND, nor do I really care since I have FIOS. And if you’re in a similar boat, it looks like paying for the HOUR AND 44-MINUTE docmentary on YouTube or Amazon ($3.99 to rent) is your only option.

I can’t imagine many of you are going to do that.

So I’m going to take one on the chin for you.

I’ll rent it on Amazon tonight (your survey money hard at work!) and will do a recap for you tomorrow. The early reviews aren’t bad… but I’m a cynical jerk and am expecting nearly two hours of white-washed, self-aggrandizing nonsensory. But, I’ll go in with an open mind.

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Justin Rose and His Wife, Taylor Swift, Celebrated at Gypsy Saloon in West Conshohocken Until 2 a.m. This Morning

Kyle Scott —  June 17, 2013 — 13 Comments

Screen Shot 2013-06-17 at 11.53.46 AMI’m just kidding. Taylor Swift can’t hold down a relationship.

From the PW Patch, which may have been plagiarized by Zagat:

So, where did the winner of the US Open, Justin Rose, celebrate last night? Owner, Kim Strengari got the call moments before Rose’s actual win, that Rose and his party would be coming to Gypsy Saloon after the game. Rose has been dining at Kim Strengari and Marianne Gere’s other restaurant, Stella Blu, all week. And since Stella Blu is closed on Sunday, they decided to try their other Conshohocken spot, Gypsy Saloon.

“Justin Rose was so humble and gracious,” says Gypsy Saloon owner Kim Strengari. “A real class act!”

Strengari and Gere sent over a bottle of champagne, as did another customer. They stayed until 2:00am and left a very generous tip. Rose told Strengari that he loves Philadelphia, the hospitality and the course, and wants to come back to see more of the city.

And from Zagat…

Kim Strengari and Marianne Gere got the call that Rose and crew would be coming in just moments before the actual win, and were thrilled but not surprised. Rose had been dining at the pair’s other restaurant, Stella Blu, all week long. But Stella is closed on Sundays, so Gypsy Saloon got the honor.

Strengari and Gere sent a bottle of champagne over to Rose and his party of six, which included his wife, Kate, as did another customer. They stayed until 2 AM, and left a generous tip. “He was so humble and gracious,” Strengari says. “A real class act!”

One of those things is just like the other.

Justin Rose seems… nice. I like him. But for real, his wife looks like Taylor Swift.

Pic via Gypsy Saloon’s Facebook page

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Bob Costas is Such an Incredible Dick, Even When He Quips About the Mets

Kyle Scott —  June 17, 2013 — 6 Comments

Before updating this post with a better-quality video, I had quipped (I like quipping, and I like that word and I shall use it more) about how Bob Costas would read one of his society-judging poems while at Merion this weekend. He didn’t do that. But, he did make fun of the Mets and quickly quipped about the “ongoing decline of western civilization” when he quipped that the Mets looked like a team that had just won the World Series after they (rightfully) celebrated one of their rare victories. The irony that Costas delivered that quip from a members-only club that costs upwards of $70,000 to join so rich white people can join other rich white people in playing games of skill and regaling each other with quips about putting their horses out to stud… well, it isn’t lost on me.

Quip.

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You’re Still Paying for Veterans Stadium, Philadelphia

Kyle Scott —  June 17, 2013 — 9 Comments

Screen Shot 2013-06-17 at 11.07.16 AMBeer-stained floors. A noticeable lack of nuance. Crazy, perhaps dangerous, stunts. Dark deeds in dark corners. Years of mediocrity punctuated by only one legitimate victory and a binger with a guy named “Nails.” 

And now there’s another thing that my college experience has in common with The Vet: it hasn’t been completely paid for yet.

Great report from Philly Mag yesterday that the city of Philadelphia is still paying for Veterans Stadium:

Nearly 50 years after the initial $25 million bond was approved in 1964, the city is still paying for the construction of a stadium that no longer even exists, making Veterans Stadium one of two of the oldest debts on the books, according to available bond data and interviews with the Controller’s Office. The other debt, also wrapped in the same $162 million loan authorized on the 1964 ballot, is the SEPTA expansion of the El to the Northeast and the Broad Street Line to Pattison—constructed to service the Vet.

The remaining balance on the Vet has been paid down to $183,000, and the city still owes more than $1 million on the subway expansion. Both projects were financed with 30-year bonds, putting them about 20 years behind repayment schedule, but have been refinanced multiple times, most recently in 2012, allowing the city to defer payment. Bond data indicate that the Vet will finally be paid off sometime in 2014, and the subway not until at least 2022.

Oh.

As pointed out in the article, this isn’t entirely rare. It – of course – happened in Pittsburgh, with Three Rivers Stadium. But there’s something strange about taxpayers paying for a building that is now a parking lot for a building that is also paid for by taxpayers. It’s kind of like in Monopoly when you sell a property for a loss and then and have to pay rent on it every trip around the board. But instead of it being a luxurious plastic hotel… it’s a parking lot that your (my) ex-girlfriend used to think it was OK to pee in. From Philly, With Love.

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