Archives For nhl

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This post originally ran just over a year ago, when our favorite (NOW MARRIED!) puck bunny conquered roughly half a dozen soon-to-be professional hockey players. Sadly, there was no similar venture this year (that we know of…). So, while the sports world slows for a few days as we celebrate Bill Pullman’s famous Independence Day speech and I stock up on coffee, beer and Haribo Gummy Bears for our Flyers free agency running commentary on Friday, let’s relive the beauty and majesty of Princesss Sass, a tradition unlike any other.


Before we delve into the shadowy world of jersey chasing – puck bunnydom, to be specific – let’s rewind to an earlier time.

Back in April, during that series in which the Flyers embarrassed the half-assed hockey team from the western end of the state, we introduced you to (our favorite) partially cloaked Penguins fan: Princesss Sass, as she’s known on the Interrods.

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We first came across Ms. Sass when she posted pictures of some signs she brought to the CONSOL Energy Center to harass the Flyers. We then followed her solo travels to Philadelphia for Game 3 and, as recently as last week, featured her in our special puck slut PSA relating to the announcement of the NHL Draft coming to the City of Brotherly Love in 2014. Sass’ appearance in our PSA was to demonstrate the shooting-fish-in-a-barrel nature of the NHL entry draft, an event that sees scores of young, mostly Canadian, teen-something boys flock into a particular city for, up to that point, the biggest weekend of their lives. The weekend when they become men.

We have to give Sass credit. She’s taken our heavy ribbing in stride (even though I once called her a slore), almost reveling in her role as the stereotypical puck slut from Shittsburgh. But now she’s outdone herself. She has given us an exclusive, meticulously detailed account of her weekend at the NHL Draft – complete with pictures and screenshots – where she warmed up about a sixth of the top 60 picks.

Before last weekend’s event, which was held in Pittsburgh, Sass tweeted a preview of her outfit for the draft’s first night. For her and other puck bunnies (and I do wish to not be graphic here), the thought of bagging an up-and-comer who might one day drink from Lord Stanley’s Cup (or, less ambitiously, bookend Pierre McGuire along an NHL dasher) makes their underoos drippier than a protagonist during the rain scene in a mid-oughts romance flick.*

*Ryan Gosling vociferously objects! “I’m wetter and I look better! And I’m a poet.”

You see, hockey players, unlike athletes from the other three major sports, are fairly accessible. For example, if you were a jersey chaser and wanted to fuck LeBron James, you’d likely have to make it through long lines, VIP ropes, possibly a background check, a publicist, some posse and Mike Miller before you ever got near King. Then there’s a good chance you’d have to be taken for a test spin (perhaps simultaneously) by a few members of his inner-circle – sexual gatekeepers, if I may – to see if you were up to the task. With satisfactory performance, you might – might – have a chance to score with LeBron.

Conversely, if you wanted to bump baby makers with, say, Jeff Carter, all you’d have to do is wear a revealing tube top to La Costa this Friday night.

It’s just… easier to get with hockey players.

At the NHL Draft, it’s easiest: puck bunnies want in early and not-even-old-enough-to-shave athletes want their first (or second or third) groupie. It’s a perfect balance, this delicate ecosystem of fuck. And that’s where we begin our story.

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[Note: We’ve removed players' names from the story and texts. But among those included are five first-rounders, four second-rounders, two sons of former NHLers, and one (now) Flyer. All are 18, or younger.]

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Besides trolling you for the first 30 seconds of this video, Benstonium’s NHL 94-ization of the Flyers’ 2-1 overtime loss to the Penguins is kind of mesmerizing. And sad. It’s sad, too. Because one of the only inaccuracies in the video is the fact that the Flyers’ defensemen move wayyyy slower than those little 2-D sprites in the original game.

via Pensblog

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TONIGHT. 8:30 p.m. NHL 13 tournament at Chickie’s and Pete’s Play2 in South Philly. It’s free to play. Just show up before 8:30 to signup. There will be games on both Xbox 360 and PS3 (we’ll try to accommodate requests, but no guarantees). Each game will use default settings, with the exception of “skill level,” which will be bumped up to “All-Star.”

It will be a single-elimination tournament. All ties, with the exception of games in the semifinals and finals, will be broken with a five-minute overtime and shootout.

Winner gets a $40 gift card to Amazon.

Bonus– come down early for the taping of Great Sports Debate next door at Chickie’s and Pete’ at 7.

(Photo: Sports Card Forum)

It "started" with a seemingly bogus report from CBS 4's Steve Burton in Boston:


Despite Bill Daly refuting the report rather quickly, here we sit two days later with assorted shreds of optimism that the NHL Lockout may be coming to an end.

Whether or not Burton truly has the inside track regarding the progression of talks is beyond me, but I'm not really here to delve into it either. The possibility exists that we may see NHL hockey before Christmas, and that's what matters.

Having said that, as you check your Twitter feed and watch the combined 44 seconds of ESPN SportsCenter coverage tomorrow during their six live hours of Tebow/RG III bullshit, remember that the lockout isn't over… yet.

Part of me is asking where the this effort was in September when the CBA was about to expire. I also wonder why Gary Bettman and the owners opened negotiations with such a lowball offer sending pessimism running through the veins of the hockey community. And then I read this piece from the Edmonton Journal's David Staples, pointing to a strategy reportedly executed by the NHL during negotiations:

“Apparently Gary is ready to get a deal done,” [Nick] Kypreos said. “He wants this thing done Friday. Friday!”

On Sportsnet’s Hockey Central show, Kypreos debated the issues withtwo other NHL insiders, former NHL GM Doug MacLean and sportscaster Daren Millard.

MacLean said that six weeks ago, he heard the NHL’s position, that “it is knock ‘em down, drag ‘em out until December 1st, and then at December 1st we’re getting a deal done.”


Fucking terrific. It was absolutely worth losing three months of hockey and thousands and thousands of fans. That's not even considering the cash cow that is the Winter Classic. All-Star Weekend in Columbus is also a goner, but hey, it's December 1st, the NHL is ready to negotiate!

Ironic is the fact that the most progress has been made without Bettman and the NHL Players Association's Donald Fehr. In addition to 18 current players and six of the league's owners, the aformentioned Daly sat in for the NHL while Donald's brother Steve represented the players. The move could prove to be a blessing considering the widespread resentment that the players have for Bettman.

What may be the most painfully odd factor for Flyers fans in all of this is the reported impact that Pittsburgh Penguins dickbag Sidney Crosby is having in all of this. He and Penguins co-owner Ron Burkle flew into New York City together, were present in yesterday's meetings that lasted more than eight hours, and are both participating in tonight's activities.

Rob Rossi of the Pittburgh Tribune-Review even went as far to write that "Burkle and Crosby were described by participants in the five-hour talks as voices of reason. 


So, where are we? Well…

The Players Association delivered an offer to the owners this afternoon, and the owners came back with a counter quickly. What's different about these proposals is that we actually know nothing about them. Nothing has leaked or been made public by either side. Although we're obviously curious, the lack of information available to us is probably a good thing and means that both sides are taking this latest round of negotiations seriously.

Meanwhile, Tim Panaccio is reporting the Board of Governors discussed a season that would feature anywhere from 50 to 60 games if the lockout ends. Ren Lavoie of RDS in Canada mentioned this:


So, if you've been paying attention, that would mean the NHL's next lockout will begin in September 2023.

As of this writing, the owners have just left the negotiating room, and there is no indication if talks have finished for the night or if they will continue. The NHL has set up a podium in the past hour, so we are expecting some sort of announcement, but there's no guarantee it's coming anytime soon.

Stay tuned…

You can follow Ryan Gillon on Twitter @RyanGillon47

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Our lockout support group meets again at Drinker’s West (39th and Chestnut). We’ll have monthly meetings around hockey-themed entertainment. Tonight? NHL 94 tournament on Sega. 8 p.m. Enjoy $2 PBRs and delicious hot dogs and tacos.

All you have to do to enter is show up before 8 p.m. 

Last month's throwdown was won by Flyers announcer Tim Saunders kid. Don't let him repeat. For real, I suspect his liver won't be able to handle it:

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The tournament is brought to you by our friends at Play-N-Trade in Lansdale, where you can buy, rent, and trade from their collection of new and old video games. Check them out!

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TONIGHT. NHL 12 tournament at Drinker’s West (39th and Chestnut). 8 p.m. Games will be played with default rules and settings, and continuous overtime, on Xbox 360. Winner will receive a copy of NHL 13, on the system of their choosing. 

Simply show up before 8 p.m. to sign up. We will do our very best to accommodate everyone, but may have to cap it if it’s too crowded. So get there early.

Must be 21 to enter Drinker's.

Quizzo tomorrow at Drinker's Tavern in Old City.

A smirk that could piss off any hockey fan.

As the September 15 deadline lingers, the NHL put out the 2012-13 national television schedule. As Travis Hughes of Broad Street Hockey points out, the Flyers have 25 games on the U.S. schedule.

Because I'm fairly confident the NHL won't begin until mid-December or so (the NHL won't put the Winter Classic in jeopardy), I'm putting the over/under at 15.

Yeah, the NHL needs to conduct business as usual, but is anyone really trying to hear this right now? Especially considering that the chances that a good number of these games won't be played, it's just another thing to infuriate hockey fans… it's working.

Adam Proteau of The Hockey News put it better than I could:


Danny Briere doesn't seem really confident in a new CBA either. CSN Philly's Tim Panaccio fired this series of tweets earlier while at the Flyers Skate Zone:


Six players, zero optimism… exactly what every hockey fan wants to hear. The NHL and the Players Association won't meet today after the league tweaked their proposal, but could get together tomorrow.

When I say "tweaked", what I really mean is the league took an intially shitty proposal, and made it a little less shitty. Changing a few words, throwing a few mill back at the players, and trying to set a $58 million cap (down from over $70 million) isn't going to fly. 

Countdown continues: 16 days.

You can follow Ryan Gillon on Twitter @SeriouslyRyan.

Yesterday, Yahoo!’s Puck Daddy posted a video showing of NHL 13’s new True Performance Skating (EA’s latest gimmick… which I will eat right up, thank you). Cover boy Claude Giroux introed the demo and his character is featured throughout running through a series of skating drills. That video is worth a look, but it was the image Puck Daddy used in their post that caught our eye:

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That’s Citizens Bank Park, yo. 

Those of you who played the Winter Classic mode in NHL 12 were undoubtedly disappointed by the fact that Heinz Field was the only available outdoor location. Part of the reason may have been because CBP wasn’t officially announced as host until after the game was released, but those of us expecting an update never got one. Or, I thought, another reason may have been because EA Sports doesn’t hold an MLB license and couldn’t use the park. Whatever the case, CBP looks to be in the game this year (thankfully– was worried they’d skip over it and go straight to 2013's location, the Big House in Michigan), and that makes me happy.

And, synergy!, we’ll be hosting an NHL 12 tournament on September 11 at Drinker’s West, with the prize being a copy of NHL 13, which will be released that day. Stay tuned for more details.

More screenshots of (a stripped-down) CBP and a video on presentation after the jump.

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