Bay Area Writer Embarrasses Himself and His City(ies?) by Taking Cheap Shots at Phillies Fans

Remember yesterday when I said that the coverage coming out of the Bay Area was lackluster?  Well, it still is, but today, they took a very unnecessary and unfounded cheap shot at Philadelphia.  I am going to spend the next several paragraphs surgically ripping the filth that was written by Bruce Newman ( in the Mercury News.  Read on.

Even before the game started, Michael Allen's face was red. This had nothing to do with the 3-0 thrashing his Philadelphia Phillies were about to receive from the Giants — or even with the Schmidt beer that often flows like mother's milk in Phillies fans. Wearing a red and white wig, red and white face paint and a Phils jersey, Allen was a stranger from a strange land at AT&T Park Tuesday.


Schmidt beer?  I’m 27, from Philadelphia, and still very much a part of the young drinking crowd.  I have never had a Schmidt beer, I don’t know of any friends who have had a Schmidt beer.  I think my grandfather used to drink it, but that’s about all I know.  Either way, it certainly doesn’t flow like my mother’s milk- then again, what does?

"If you're not giving a good effort in San Francisco, the fans get on you," said Giants broadcaster Mike Krukow, a former Giant who spent part of his career pitching in Philadelphia. "But the intensity level of hate here is probably 30 percent of what it is in Philly. People here can head to the beach, or go up to wine country and calm their anxieties. I just think they have nothing else to do in Philly."


Thank you, Mike Krukow.  Yes, we hate everything in Philly.  We hate Santa Claus too, did you know that?  We once threw snowballs at him.  Our children are actually taught to play pin the tail on The Claus.  Fathers teach their sons how to throw batteries before handing them a baseball.  We actually tase puppies just for fun (er, OK- only one of us).  Our youth grow up in a culture of hate.  However, this teen, who was killed just outside the gates of your lovely ballpark, was only beaten with 30% of the hate that we have here in Philadelphia.  In Philly, clearly, someone would have raped him and thrown him in the bay.  That's 70% more hate right there.

All afternoon, the difference between the Bay Area's mellow mob and Philly fans who once booed Santa Claus was apparent. Giants fan Beau Walker dressed in a Giants jersey, his hair transformed to an orange mohawk, with eyebrows and goatee also tinted orange. "Playoff baseball," he explained. "Gotta step it up a notch.”


Original.  I already told you, we hate Santa Claus.  And the guy in the orange mohawk was mentioned… to convey peace and love?  The same way the Phillies fan with a wig and face paint was used in that first paragraph to portray the angry, gruff Philly faithful?  How do you spell hypocrite?

Even the ballparks stood in stark counterpoint: The Giants play in a park named after a company that quietly drops your phone calls; the Phillies play in a park sponsored by a bank that forecloses on people's homes.


This is written in a respected news source?  This is essentially like calling someone’s Mom fat in 4th grade.  Is that where we’re going with this piece?

As recently as Game 1 of this series, another Schmidt-faced Phils fan was unable to halt the momentum of his bloated beer gut, throwing up onto the field. Video of the incident was later removed from YouTube by Major League Baseball, now the only sports league known to vigorously enforce its vomit copyright.


Oh shit.  I was joking.  We’re not more than halfway through the piece and we’re into fat jokes.  By the way, no one in San Francisco is overweight.  Your third basemen, what do you call him, Panda?  He's just so slim and fit.

This season alone, one Phillies fan was shot with a Taser for running onto the field, and another was sentenced to prison after sticking his finger down his throat and purposely vomiting on a nearby fan and his 11-year-old daughter.


Nowhere else does this happen.  Only in Philadelphia do fans get tased.  A fan never got tased at an Oakland A's game, one of the teams your publication covers.

Only in Philadelphia do fans run on the field.  False.  That guy who ran onto the field at Yankee Stadium the other night?  He actually wanted to harm A-Rod.  That’s not a joke.  He was carrying pictures of A-Rod and Cameron Diaz and his intent was to HARM one of the game’s best players.  In Philly?  We had a couple of attention-seeking teens make a poor decision.  

His friend Terry Johnson was no fan of the signs that popped up in stands during Game 1, telling Giants ace Tim Lincecum "FIX YOUR TEETH," and calling him "HIPPY TRASH." "I'm shocked by the behavior in Philadelphia," Johnson said. Shocked!


Yes, our crude and lewd fans, using words like “teeth” and “hippy.”  The American Dental Association is outraged.  Outraged I tell you!  The hippies of America?  They were too high to give a shit.

San Francisco fans carry much more eloquent signs:  [The700Level]


The contrast between Giants fans and their Philadelphia counterparts has been evident throughout the series. Bay Area fans waved their orange Homer Hankies at AT&T Park when their team was in the field, while in Philadelphia, the fans swirled white towels that made it more difficult for opposing batters to see the baseball against that background.


Yes, all of the fans got together and decided to bring white towels to distract opposing batters (despite an ivy covered brick batters' eye wall) and fielders from catching flyballs that are almost always hit well above a point where the stands serve as a backdrop.  No.  The reality is that the Phillies distrubuted rally towels three years ago (while your sorry ass organization was watching from home) with one of their primary colors.  In an effort to not make Citizen’s Forclosure Park look like a bloody tampon, they choose white.

On the whole, however, fan animus — fanimus! — defines the City of Brotherly Loathe.

Last season, umpires had to halt a Phils game with St. Louis because fans were targeting Cardinals players with the laser pointer dots used as aiming devices by snipers.


Yes, snipers also wear sneakers, jackets, and hats.  Lots of people wear those things.  What separates snipers from everyone else?  Not the laser pointers, it’s the HIGH POWERED ASSAULT RIFLES they carry to kill human beings.  Nice analogy.

Mitch Williams told Newman about the real passion of Phillies fans.

"In Philadelphia, they mortgage homes to buy season tickets," said Mitch Williams, a former Phillies relief pitcher known as "Wild Thing" in his playing days, now a broadcaster. "It's not a social event, it's a way of life. They're a blue-collar town, they work hard for their money, and if they don't see a good performance, they're going to let you know."


Yes, we boo.  We sometimes have idiots who do dumb things.  But, just as we don’t accuse all San Francisco fans of being murders because one fan was killed during a horrible incident, and just as we don’t accuse all New Yorkers of being vendetta driven psychopaths because one crazy fan ran on the field, please don’t make the horrible mistake of letting nuggets of overplayed, anecdotal data define the masses.  Masses that actually show up to games.  Your team still hasn’t sold out the NLCS.  I’ll use that nugget to define your fan base.  You didn’t sellout your first League Championship Series in seven years.

Now, excuse me while I go teach a baby how to kill kittens.

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90 Responses

  1. The responses you put are fantastic. That was awesome lol. I hate how bad our reputation is when really we are one of the better and more mature fan bases. GO PHILS!

  2. You know what? I give up. I’m just going to own it. I’m proud to be a beer swilling Phillies fan who has %70 more heart for the team then some namby panby west coast fan. Come on back to CBP and FEAR ME! Wimps.

  3. I was already in a foul mood today. This did not help. This guy is a major league asshole and a fucking fraud of a journalist. Now I’ll be doubly upset if the Phillies don’t come back and win this series. They need to do it if only to shut this fucking prick up. I can’t think of words bad enough to describe him, seriously… He may be a bigger douche than that jackass who wrote from “Angrytown” for the LA Times back in 08. I was sooooo glad we made that cocksucker eat his words and I hope we do the same for this guy.
    Wow…. I told you I was in a foul mood. It must be all that Schmidt beer (that I don’t think I’ve ever even heard of!) talking.

  4. citizen foreclosure park not look like a bloody tampon HAAA HAHAHAHA lmao!!
    excuse me while i teach a baby how to go kill kittens lmao. perfect.

  5. That was brilliantly written brother. Great job. Please keep up the good work.
    There are entirely too many bad writers that love sprucing up the facts to reflect badly on Philly.
    Things like this make me “ill”

  6. Very well done. I believe Bruce Newman actually used to write for the Inquirer a long time ago. You may want to check on that.

  7. Nice column, well done.
    Can a 3-0 win be categorized as a “thrashing”? And its a shame nowadays sensational journalism is the quick and dirty way for folks to make a name for themselves.

  8. This is all you had to say – “You didn’t sellout your first League Championship Series in seven years.”
    What kind of ridiculousness is that?? Eiy yi yi.

  9. Um, yeah.. the towel argument is just dumb. He says the white towels distract opposing hitters. There are no seats (hence no towels) in the hitter’s backdrop. It’s a brick wall! And we wave our towels the whole game, not just when the opponents are hitting! What a douche. I was in SF on a biz trip this year and went to AT&T Park for a game against Colorado during the wild card race. It was so pathetic. Half the fans weren’t paying attention and the place was full of fucking freaks. SF fans will never understand the heart that Philly fans have.

  10. If I could think of a better word to use other than EPIC to describe the shredding you just put on Mr. Newman’s misguided article, I would. However, I can’t.
    Let’s hope this post finds its way back to him.
    Actually, I’ll email him the link.

  11. imagine how bad we’d be if we actually lived up to everything the rest of the country says we are…it’s like an innocent person who went to jail committing an actual crime just to get his money’s worth for the false conviction

  12. if this guy writes another article regarding the series, or the greater philadelphia area, for that matter, can someone please post it? id be interested to see if FOUR pages of nothing but philly fans’ responses has any effect on his biased and instigative “reporting”.

  13. Great post.
    The most tired cliche is when the out of town columnist compares his city’s fans with yours. And of course the easiest laziest way to do that is to fall back on the “old Philly fans are so bad” stories. Come up with a new angle.
    Even Joe Buck was praising Philly fans over the weekend. So I’m hoping the tide is starting to turn. But it may take another decade for the lazy sports writers to catch up.

  14. This article (the original one, NOT the CB article about it) is absolute garbage. I’m so sick of people from other parts of the country assuming we’re trash just because we have a more passionate fanbase. Time and time again we see other cities (ie chicago last june, boston) try to show how much we suck when the playoffs roll around, only to show how shitty they themselves are. I actually didn’t mind sf too much before this, but this pisses me off…how can they publish this BS in an actual newspaper?!

  15. I don’t think its the banks fault that people can’t pay their mortages. People bite off more than they can chew. This aritcle was idotic.

  16. The guy forgot cheering when Michael Irvin was injured.
    Grouping all Phillies fans into that one category is like saying all priests are child molesters. So ridiculous.

  17. OH MY GOD! A PHILLIES FAN PAINTED HIS FACE RED?? THE HORROR!! Well, that certainly proves this amateur’s point. How can we possibly refute that logic?
    So, let’s see, “Phuck the Phillies” signs held by young children vs. “Fix your teeth.” Yeah, got us there.
    Nice job, Kyle!
    Oh, and it’s Schmidt’s, not Schmidt (asshole), and they closed down in 1987. Way to do your research! Do a quick Google search. I did. 15 seconds, tops.
    I think we really need to just ignore these lazy journalists who take what some other lazy journalist wrote (ad nauseum), and adapt it to their city.
    We know what we’re about. WE know that CBP is a great, family-friendly environment. I have never heard anyone say they will not take their family to CBP because of rowdyism or out-of-control fans who threaten their children.
    For another perspective, read this article:

  18. Bruce Newman’s boss:Bud Geracie, (408) 920-5389
    Give him a buzz and leave a message about how much bruce sucks

  19. off topic: did anyone pick up on how many times Dick Face Joe Buck said Hamels was perfect thru 3 yesterday??? i counted 3 times at least. End of the 3rd “hamels perfect thru 3”, start of the 4th “generic matt cain comment about pitching, and hamels has not allowed a baserunner in the first 3” then to start the bottom 4ht “hamels retired the first 9” then first batter, renteria singles, and all hell breaks lose. i know its pointless but isnt that “against the code”. i mean why not just have Wheels on there!

  20. SF is the capitol of the fags… who cares what they think… After this guy wrote this he prob buried his face in his boyfriends hairy lap

  21. Good lord. Now im not partial to the phillies being a mets fan but this is just ridiculous. I love the responses you had for this guy he deserves what ever he eta for writing this and shame on the paper that carried his article. Most cities fans are enthusiastic, especially when their team makes it deep into the post season, i know in 2006 when i was at several games I had my face painted blue and orange for my beloved Mets, I had my rally rag and my foam finger. And I saw dodger and cardinal fans and they were just as enthusiastic as we were to say that the phillies fans are more hateful then the giants fans? Absurd!! If anything I agree that those phuck phillies fans are held b CHILDREN! Hopefully this guy gets his ass reamed by others too!


  23. Bruce and Bud aren’t picking up their phones. So feel free to call Darryl Matsuda at 408-920-5830. He’s actually answering his phone.

  24. nice article but didnt we have a teen get his head stomped in and killed after a phils game in the parking lots a year or two ago?? listen im a philly sports fan through and through but i read these articles and i get different impressions from them…in one article we take pride in being voted toughtest fans or most intimidating fans or whatnot…but then the next article we get pissed off bc we are being “labeled” as bad people and we are mean to santa clause…listen ive heard countless people take actual pride on the radios, tv, internet posts, of being a “big bad scary town to play in and play for..but then these same people get pissed when the media plays into it and scrutinizes every little thing we do!..pick a side and stick to it people!!!the fact is EVERY city boos, EVERY city says offensive things to visiting players, EVERY city throws shit onto the field of play, but only ONE city embraces and takes pride in those things as a whole…US…..and stop with the whole u dont sell out tix to a nlcs game…NO SHIT! no part of the country is as pasisonate about their major sports as us northeastern cities are! that would be us, new york, and boston…people on the west coast just dont giv a shit as a whole everyone knows that…

  25. Bruce Newman 408-920-5004
    Bud Geracie, Sports Editor and Bruce Newman’s boss (408) 920-5389
    Bruce and Bud aren’t picking up their phones. Bud’s voicemail directs you to call Darryl Matsuda at 408-920-5830. Darryl’s actually got the balls to answer his phone, so give him a ring…

    I wrote this fucker an email this morning, and this is the response I get:

    What a useless waste of human life this guy is.

  27. You guys do realize that more rage you display in response to this opinion piece (not a news article), the more it’s going to reinforce what it tries to convey, right? It’s like someone egging you on by claiming you get angry too easily, and responding by yelling at them, “I’M NOT ANGRY!!!”

  28. Send him this:

    I guess all the bystanders were too busy sipping Chardonnay and eating sushi to do anything about it.

  29. This is probably the greatest article Ive read from this website. Well done sir. Well done.

  30. Excellent post.
    Give my love to the mom who sets such a fine example for her Panda kids. Maybe she will let them grow as fat as him, too.

  31. Wow. There’s a lot of anger in this piece (and the ensuing comments) for people doing their darndest to prove the Phils fans don’t all play into that angry, impetuous stereotype…Ironically, the things that this writer seems to take the most offense to is the same tongue in cheek writing he himself employed in the rebuff.
    Before I take on the ire of a Phillies nation I really have no hate for (come on – Manuel finally got the NL a win in the All Star game!), please give me a bit of a chance to explain so you don’t start wishing ill on Giants nation.
    First of all, we don’t all group you as hoodlums, nor do we take everything written in articles for the gospel truth. I’m quite sure this writer didn’t actually teach a baby to kill kittens after the writing of this article, just as I didn’t go and assume all Phillies fans are so intoxicated they vomit onto the field at games. But really? I was too busy laughing at the MLB vomit copyright bit to care that it was a Phillies fan. It wasn’t a fat joke, we’re not saying all Phils are fat and all Giants fans are gym rats and if you’re going to bring the Panda into this, you should know there are plenty of articles we’ve already written that mock that issue.
    Honestly, the biggest problem I had with the Phillies organization during this series was, prior to Game 2, the footage of their manager in the dugout, chewing his gum with his hat still on during the national anthem. Yes, they appeared to cheer when one of our players spun away from a pitch, but I know there were some Giants fans who thought it was hilarious that Cain lost control of a couple pitches – I wasn’t ok with that, either. For the record, “Phuck the Phillies” signs would be bad enough from adults – the fact that some parents thought it’d be cute to have kids pose with them…I’m apalled. I root for my team – not the destruction of the others. One of my college friends is a Phils fan – he’s actually who I base my thoughts on and we have nothing but respect in this series. I texted him with props for Victorino’s somersaulting catch in Game 2, he texted me after Game 3 saying he owed me a drink for the baseball lesson.
    I will say I did take offense in you using a teen’s death outside the park to make your point. Not for referencing the death itself (I get it – Philly isn’t the only place where fights break out) but I truly hope that his family doesn’t have to suffer the image of their child being raped while they’re still grieving his loss.
    It’s the playoffs. It’s intense. And articles get written on both sides that sensationalize the matter. That’s what editors tell them to produce because that’s what sells and they’re right. After all, it got you to read Newman’s article in the same way it got me to read this one.

  32. I agree with you in some instances, Hum Baby, and applaud you for taking the initiative to post a thoughtful comment on here.
    But in regards to the anger Mr. Newmann’s article has illicited from Philadelphia, how would any other fan base in the country react if they were continuously scapegoated and maligned by the national media? That question cannot be answered. Why? Because NO other city or its fans has been as severely generalized and beaten down as Philadelphia and its passionate, informed, and dedicated fans.

  33. Have you ever noticed how every single time any Philly team is in the playoffs, some beat reporter from the opposing team takes the time to write an article about how classless and horrible the fans are? It doesn’t matter what sport it is, they write it. I don’t see the Philly writers doing such a classless thing every single round of every single playoffs of every single sport.

  34. Gotta agree with Hum Baby here. You people are animals. The amazing thing is that you don’t see that you’re making Newman’s case FOR him. Obscene, hateful, illiterate, homophobic rantings like this prove his point!
    Not to mention, every time you click on that story on the paper’s webpage, you’re increasing their ad rates. So the paper loves all this attention. Probably give him a raise.
    And if you google the guy, you’ll see he was a senior writer at Sports Illustrated before this. So not exactly a hack.

  35. TJ- I know what he was trying to do, which is exactly why I didn’t respond with hateful, low-blows at him. Rather, mock his comments with fact and reason, and then show how ridiculous it is when I do the same thing. I know the article was written to get us worked up. The problem is, that it’s not like he’s antagonizing people in a box. He’s doing it in a very public forum. It’s not right.
    The article wasn’t nearly funny enough to come across as tongue in cheek. There were parts that were just flat our incorrect, ill-conceived, and poorly written. I don’t care that they got more page views. I’m flattered CB has enough juice to send them those page views. Guess what? I got page views too- that was my goal in-so-far as to show people what a piece of shit he wrote.
    I’m not stepping too low to call that article, a piece of shit.

  36. Exceptionally well written article! Philly haters enrage me and it makes my day to see someone destroy them in such a classy and upbeat manner! Keep up the awesome work!

  37. Actually you didnt debunk this article at all.
    Coming from a city with no super-bowl wins, last stanley cup win in 1976, so they can only resort to baseball, unless the Flyers bandwagon has started up again.
    Philly are a bunch of white trash fans who drink Schmidts aka PBR that flows like HIV in the land of high-crime. Crossing the Broad? Is that a play on words? Seeing how Broad street is the homosexual avenue of arts, and cross-dressing? Wow I think you may have out did San Francisco on that one!

  38. Nothing funnier than a bunch of low IQ no class bums agreeing with each other. Phuck Philly! Ugly ass city. Stay classy you poor man’s NYC rejects!!

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