Lenny Dykstra Likes to be Fellated on Saturdays, Allegedly

Note: This is post is best read while listening to this song

 

This makes two consecutive days of fellatio posts.  There's either A) a rash of BJ starved ex-athletes, or B) a lack of hard Philly sports news this week.

Lenny Dykstra just can't keep himself out of trouble.  Last week, we detailed his latest issue, a failure to pay $1,000 to an escort in exchange for having drinks with him, and now we learn that his housekeeper accused him of forcing her to fellate (v. to perform fellatio) him… on Saturdays.  

She says she put up with his requests because she needed the money, and only went to police after Dykstra failed to pay her $2,000 that he owed her.  [LA Times]

According to the rejection memo by Los Angeles County prosecutors, a female housekeeper alleged Dykstra would force her to give him oral sex on Saturdays. However, the 41-year-old woman’s case seemed to flounder because of an apparent lack of evidence that the activity was forced.

In an interview with the Los Angeles Times, Dykstra denied the allegations, saying the woman was trying to extort him to buy drugs.

“If she was assaulted on Saturdays, then I’m a … ballerina dancer on Sundays,” Dykstra said. “This is a maid. That’s not even worth commenting on, are you kidding me?”

Heh.  That's an amazing quote right there, folks.

So let me get this straight: Lenny Dykstra only had drinks with a porn-star escort, but demanded blowies from his maid?  Is it me, or is there something backwards about that?

Craig Calcaterra points out that while police dropped criminal charges- citing a lack of evidence- it's foolish to expect to receive any payment from Lenny in a civil case:  [Hardball Talk]

Note to accuser: unlike Johan Santana, Lenny Dykstra is in no position to pay you a settlement on a civil case, so you should probably not bother with the filing fee if that’s what you had in mind.

Ah yes, the Santana Corollary.  Only accuse an athlete of forcing salacious and ridiculous sex if he has enough money to pay you.  Sage advice.