This is incredible.

If you don't know who Alex Jones is, he is essentially the leader for the 9/11 was an inside job movement. He also has a nationally syndicated radio show based out of Dallas, which discusses, among other things, conspiracy theories and government corruption. Somehow, he has aligned himself with Charlie Sheen.

Sheen, who is also on board with the 9/11 truth movement (oh yeah, this post will only get weirder), was on Jones' show yesterday and made news by calling the producer of Two and a Half Men, Chuck Lorre, a clown, and said that he violently hates him. In response, CBS cancelled production for the rest of this season of Two and a Half Men. Today, Sheen said this about Lorre: "Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words — imagine what I would have done with my fire-breathing fists."

Fire breathing fists, folks.

So, why am I telling you all this? Lost in that craziness is the fact that Lenny Dykstra was on Jones' show with Sheen. That's when shit got real weird. Mixing a sex-crazed delusional celebrity, a bottomed-out delusional former Major Leaguer, and a delusional conspiracy theorist brings you a whole bunch of awesome.

Must read quotes from Nails and Sheen, including Dykstra praising Brian Wilson (who hung out with Sheen, Dykstra, and Jones in California to help Sheen prepare for Major League 4) and ripping Mitch Williams, after the jump.

Sheen on Dykstra:

Sheen: He's hardcore. And it's with a capital "C" (???????). There's a movie called Hardcore with George C. Scott. So, you can be hardcore and just be George Scott. You can be hardcore and then, you know, you get a lower case "c". My man is an upper case George C. Scott. Hardcore.

Dykstra: I don't want him to stop, and Charlie knows me. I don't really tell him what he wants to hear, I just tell him the truth.

Sheen: Which is why we love each other unconditionally and with violence. And you're one of the best dudes alive, Bro.

Do you remember that bald fool, Lenny, that came in with his therapy and his voodoo and he tried to judge me and he said I was too excited? The only thing I got excited about was catching the last drop of blood, just before his beheaded silly dome made contact with my beautiful wooden floor in my home in front of my children.

On Brian Wilson, Ryan Howard, and Mitch Williams:

Sheen: He [Brian Wilson] was brought out to put some fire back in Wild Thing's fingertips and eyes, because he says I have tiger blood and honest DNA and I must make them weep when they watch it. 

Lenny: [Wilson's] The 98 MPH gasoline with the cut on it helps a little bit too.

Sheen: It's un-hittable, it's un-hittable. He made Ryan Howard, I'm sorry Ryan you're the best left-handed hitter in 50 years, but he made him look like an armless child when he backdoor slidered his ass into the World Series.

He brought excitement back into the sport, like the real Wild Thing [from the movie] did back in 1989 when this thing launched.

Lenny: Yeah the real Wild Thing, that ain't Mitch Williams, I guarantee you that.

Sheen: You have every right to say that, Len.

Lenny: I can't stand that guy, man.


On Charlie Sheen:

Lenny: It's almost like he's on a mission, anybody in his way is going to get mowed down. The way the man uses the English language.

The thing about you, Charlie, people don't realize how brilliant you are. And I'm not a guy who gets on his knees, if you know what I mean. 

Charlie's put me in position, where I'm about to make a big move in my life.

Charlie's on a mission, same as me. Little different paychecks, but we'll get into that in a little bit.


Dykstra on his new endeavors:

I thought I was put this earth to entertain people on the baseball field, because O was actually pretty good at that. But what I went through last two years, I realized there's a different plan for me, and that's to help people and show them how they can save their homes.


Yeah, Lenny is now doling out mortgage advice here.

If you have 45 minutes to kill, watch these. Dykstra starts at the 10 minute mark of the first video.