Roy Halladay’s Opponent on Opening Day is…

Myers
…not Ryan Madson, obviously… the douchebag on the right.

Astros skipper Brad Mills has confirmed that former Phillies pitcher Brett Myers will serve as their Opening Day starter when the team begins their season on April 1 in Philadelphia.

Myers was the Phillies ace from 2007-2009 before we got Cliff Lee, and Roy Halladay, and Roy Oswalt, and Cliff Lee… again.

While it seemed the Phillies thought Myers was on the downside of his career, he opened eyes in 2010 when he went 14-8 for the 'Stros with an ERA of just over three.

If you're having trouble remembering just who Myers is, he's the guy who stuck his tongue out at Jayson Werth in order to pick him off at second base last year. That was kinda funny.

He also apparently wants to "stick it" to the Phillies. Well, big fella… here's your chance. Beat last year's Cy Young Award winner and arguably the best pitcher in baseball.

And shave that douchy beard that looks like  stray pubes held together by Elmer's glue. Ugh.

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14 Responses

  1. It’s probably not a good idea to encourage Myers to beat people. His poor wife can’t take much more…

  2. @Derp: I have no idea, but I think he’s playing AA-ball for us this year
    @Brett L: That’s a good point. Poor girl.
    @”Your Pal”: Man, that was a good one! you really got Kyle there. I’ll make sure I call him while he’s in Clearwater to tell him about the SICK BURN you just laid on him. He’ll be devastated! You’re my hero.

  3. I am the first person in the history of the world to make a spelling error… so I can understand your frustration.
    Plus, I suck at writing, and my weak ass over-the-top attempt at humor is boring.

  4. At least we are on the same page, and while we are on it.
    take a swan dive into an empty swimming pool.

  5. “While it seemed the Phillies thought Myers was on the downside of his career, he opened eyes in 2010 when he went 14-8 for the ‘Stros with an ERA of just over three.”
    What really happened is a guy like Myers needs to be coached by somebody who knows how to coach.
    Dubee is awful. Look at how many other pitchers there are who left the Phillies only to get better. Thank goodness guys like Halladay, Lee, and Oswalt don’t need a lot of coaching. Probably Hamels now too, as he gets seasoned with age.

  6. Also, what happened to the neat little design blocks that used to show up next to comments (in lieu of avatars)? I liked ’em.

  7. Dear “Your Pal”
    Next time you criticize my spelling, it would help your argument a great deal to use actual words instead of those that don’t exist. (ex. “faggotry”)
    Love always,
    Hookah Shells Necklace

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