…not Ryan Madson, obviously… the douchebag on the right.

Astros skipper Brad Mills has confirmed that former Phillies pitcher Brett Myers will serve as their Opening Day starter when the team begins their season on April 1 in Philadelphia.

Myers was the Phillies ace from 2007-2009 before we got Cliff Lee, and Roy Halladay, and Roy Oswalt, and Cliff Lee… again.

While it seemed the Phillies thought Myers was on the downside of his career, he opened eyes in 2010 when he went 14-8 for the 'Stros with an ERA of just over three.

If you're having trouble remembering just who Myers is, he's the guy who stuck his tongue out at Jayson Werth in order to pick him off at second base last year. That was kinda funny.

He also apparently wants to "stick it" to the Phillies. Well, big fella… here's your chance. Beat last year's Cy Young Award winner and arguably the best pitcher in baseball.

And shave that douchy beard that looks like  stray pubes held together by Elmer's glue. Ugh.