So I Guess it’s Cool to Make Fun of the Nationals Now, The Facts Don’t Lie

Werth_nationals

Making fun of the Metropolitans is losing its luster. They're broke, awful, and spending $17 million on players they released. Those are facts. Sort of.

As I wrote here, it's time to turn an ironic chin to dumbass Werth and the Washington Nationals. It's a step up, really. City men to countrymen.

Here's a good place to start. Who says athletes don't do dumb shit with their money? [Wall Street Journal via DC Sports Blog]

Pitcher Livan Hernandez became something of a sadistic benefactor when he arrived in Arizona in 2006. Motuzas [bullpen catcher] said Hernandez once paid him $3,000 to drink a gallon of milk in 12 minutes. The two also hammered out a deal that permitted Hernandez to punch Motuzas in the groin for $50 a pop whenever he felt the urge. Motuzas would receive a $300 bonus after every 10th punch….

Things got really interesting one season when Hernandez got his hands on some rubber nunchucks. (”A gift from a fan,” former Diamondbacks pitcher Brandon Webb said.) Hernandez, who now pitches for the Washington Nationals, would put them to use now and then by blindfolding Motuzas. “And then he’d come up and whip the shit out of me,” said Motuzas, who was compensated for this, as well. “That was just his thing. Great guy, though.”

 

Ladies and gentlemen, the Nationals' Opening Day starter.

As if this wasn't enough fodder to bring with us to D.C. on April 14th, how's this: Jayson Werth will bat second this year. Jayson Werth is going be paid $10,571,429 million this year. Those are facts.

Werth is a career .252/.340/.432 (average/on-base/slugging) hitter in 381 at-bats in the two hole. That is also a fact.

Jeez, somebody should have told the Nationals that Werth never drove in 100 runs (fact), wasn't a middle-of-the-order type guy (fact), and wasn't worth $126 million. Also a fact.

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6 Comments

  • team to beat March 25, 2011 at 3:57 pm

    Kyle, this was one of the best put downs I have ever seen on any blog. Kudos.

    Reply
  • Tank March 25, 2011 at 4:01 pm

    hey team to beat, you need to read more blogs then.

    Reply
  • Luke March 25, 2011 at 4:18 pm

    If you google image “jayson werth and tank” you get a picture of a chicks tank top that reads “Future Mrs Jayson Werth”. So, Tank, whatever surface level agenda you wish to portray, I see right through it. You want to bed Jayson Werth, or more accurately, you wish to speed bag his balls.

    Reply
  • Hater raider March 25, 2011 at 6:21 pm

    Get off of J. Werth’s nuts will ya! It was a business decision my man. Whether he wins in Washington is irrelevant. Are you jealous? Be happy the Phightins don’t suck on move on with it.

    Reply
  • ThePhillyFlash March 27, 2011 at 9:39 am

    Why move on? Making fun of the gNats and their $126 million man is swell fun!

    Reply
  • Karl Weathers March 28, 2011 at 5:52 pm

    Yeah, so dumb to get extra at bats for one of your best hitters by having him bat higher in the lineup.
    Nothing amuses me more than when people use stats poorly. Do you honestly believe that he is a better or worse hitter based on what number in the lineup he bats? After the first inning, his “number” changes regularly based on the situation. You’re just as likely to find value in pointing out his numbers when hitting on the east coast in May
    Keep believing in the almighty RBI there, Scott.

    Reply
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