We’ll let reader Jim Read kick off today’s mailbag with a Photoshop. It seems Michael Leighton has been located.
On to your shit…
Yo cuz, I wanted to thank you for the privilege of being the first email in the first CB mailbag. It is an honor. I will be sure to tell the kids I plan on never having. Granted, it would have been better if you didn’t treat me and my quasi legitimate question the same way Mike Tyson treated his opponents before the Buster Douglas loss and the face tattoo, but I am honored none the less. Plus, that email was the equivalent of an Adam Eaton slow-and-straight fastball down the middle of the plate, so I would expect you to not only swing hard, but swing for the fences. I would say you connected. Well played.
Now for my question: On a scale of 1 to having-your-mom-tell-you-she-watches-porn (thanks HBO), how disturbing is it that every time I poo now, I try to poo the Phillies logo? Maybe I need a hobby.
Yo cuz, just wanted to know what we, your loyal and faithful readers, did to deserve such treatment? You give us a great mailbag, and then boom, you turn all soup nazi on us, no second mailbag for you! Why?
Well, The Reddgie, you’re welcome. Couple of thoughts: First, as to why you plan on never having children, that may be because you sent the email equivalent of a double tap to my inbox. If I was a bin Laden, I’d be well on my way to the virgins, which, judging by your prognostication, the awful Mike Tyson reference, and your goal of pooping a Phillies “P” (as seen in the first mailbag), is a category you probably fall into.
Of course, I’ve been attempting to organically recreate the Phillies logo since the redesign in 1992, so… we’re both probably a solid seven on a scale from one-to-having-your-mom-tell-you-she-watches-porn, or, to be more specific, “you found a yam in your parents’ bed.”
Regarding the frequency of these: 90% of emails I get are tips and links to stories, which are all MUCH appreciated. However, it is taking a little while to ramp up to these mailbag questions (read: send me more!). I wanted to be sure I had enough good ones and didn’t give you, the readers, a half-assed mailbag.
Sorry I don’t have a better pin point of time, but I think it was during a timeout in the second period last night. The Flyers have a new(?- I’ve never seen her, and I watch damn near every game) towel girl. She took gloves from someone and gave them a new pair, then Hartnell threw his towel at her. Missanelli is having a debate now whether this girl was actually hot or not. He didn’t see her- all callers are saying she was hot. I thought she was pretty good, but I couldn’t see her long enough to really tell. If you get a few minutes, could you watch through to see if you can get a picture up and take some votes or something? I’d love to be able to prove Missanelli wrong, and it’d be nice to spotlight her if we do in fact have the hottest towel girl in the NHL. Mike is trying to say everything thinks she’s hot simply because she’s a girl in a place where you wouldn’t expect her. Just wondering if you could help me out here.
You mean these chicks?
(courtesy of Barstool)
It’s funny you mention that. I actually had the following conversation with my Dad while watching the Flyers game on Monday.
Me: You think Carts took care of the dark-haired chick?
My Dad: – shakes his head that this relates to my profession – Probably. But doesn’t he like blondes?
Me: Well, I mean it depends on the…. Yeah, yeah, you’re right. He probably went after that one. This girl looks more like Giroux’s type. I can imagine him being a real psycho in the sack. Or I could see her being Briere’s type. Or Hartnell’s. Or Richie’s.
My Dad: Makes sense.
But yes, in a way, I do agree with Mike Missanelli. It’s the Hannah Storm Corollary (formerly the Linda Cohn Concept). Under no circumstances would you consider Hannah Storm “hot.” My loins hurt just looking at this photo:
But you throw her on the set with Josh Elliot (now of Good Morning America- respect) talking about Justin Verlander’s pitch repertoire, and all of a sudden that short skirt and those reaching-to-the-sky legs forebode dark clouds on your sexual horizon.
It’s all about context.
This draft reeks of meritocracy….I hate AR with a passion.
You’re the guy who pooped the Phillies “P,” aren’t you? We’re still not talking.
Thought it was funny that a guy I work with got into this dialogue with me about Lee (he’s a Mets fan, and usually a realistic one, believe it or not)…
cliff lee’s reaction to the killing of bin laden ….
“I was sitting in the dugout and didn’t understand what was
going on for a minute,” Philadelphia starting pitcher Cliff Lee
Asked his reaction, Lee said, “It took them long enough.”
*APPARENTLY, CLIFF WOULD HAVE GOTTEN THIS SCUMBAG SOONER
……. WHAT KIND OF REACTION IS THAT? maybe cliff should have
gotten out of the first inning sooner ….. There are very few
guys that i really dislike in sports. he is now one of them.
First of all- um, punctuation? I don’t pretend to be a grammar wiz, but my heaven, Dan’s friend, maybe just some consistency to make it easier on us, the reader?
As for your thoughts on Lee… this is going to be the reason you dislike him? Not for the simple fact that he owns your city and will do the same to your team for the next five years? Cliff Lee probably would have gotten the scumbag sooner. I’m fairly certain he would have taken a ride on his magical rainbow of baseball sex (seen hither) and fired cutters off the back of a one-trick unicorn when OBL was still in the hills of Tora Bora.
(That’s hyperbole for those of you who wear your pants too high. The Navy SEALs deserve all of the credit they are being given).
Absolutely love this website!! great place to get information for a diehard philly sports fan like myself!!! Feeling good about wins by the sixers, flyers, and phils tonight!!
Thank god for rebels like @CrossingBroad. Can’t wait to pay $10 before the next Phils game to do what everyone around us is doing for free.
Wow, Justin. You’re referring to our tailgate, I assume. It sounds like everyone around you is partaking in a pretty lame shindig what with no food and drink. Generally you have to pay for those things, unless, of course, you harvest your own rations and brew your own beer, which just sounds like a lot of work to me. We’ll be having another tailgate in June. Still $10, with more food and drink. Ya know, so you don’t have to cultivate it yourself.
You seem like the type of guy who would check-in to Starbucks with Foursquare. Yep, you’re the type of guy who checks-in to Starbucks with Foursquare.
I know this is quite a few moths late, but me and my buddies were able to come out of the spectrum smash and grab with an entire safety netting.had to empty out our house at lasalle tonight and thought you might be interested in checking out the pics of the net
Interesting. What does one do with such netting? I see three options:
- Lay it strewn about the quad, roll it up, and take pictures with circa 1992 Flyers hat.
- Weave it around your house to form a giant, multi-room hammock (my vote).
- Use it to tie up hookers.
Since you don’t go to Duke, I’m guessing you went with either option one or two.
Yep, looks like option one:
Speaking of that circa 1992 style hat, here’s an email I received from Lindy Ruff’s son.
Keep in mind he sent this during the height of the bin Laden news on Sunday night.
to whom it may concern,
I am wondering why you are harassing my family? It has been brought to my attention that your website has been harassing me, my sister and my father with private photos of us as young children? I demand the removal of this link and for you to take down these photos. It’s embarrassing and rude.
You mean this picture?
OK, just wanted to be sure.
Look, son of first-round loser, nobody is harassing anybody. Your 22-year-old sister should be smart enough to know that, with a public father, she should make her Facebook pictures private and not wear Flyers hats while your father’s team is playing the Flyers in the playoffs. It’s really that simple. If those photos are not marked as private – this was one of her profile pictures – then it’s her own fault. That being said, they’re funny photos which in no way harass you, your sister, or your father. If you would have asked nicely, I probably would have taken them down. Now stop whining.
Reader Shawn Reasin drops in on Facebook:
What is wrong with our local media? I’m really starting to think they hate our sports teams. On Sunday, April 17, Mike Missanelli stated on TV during the post-game show that not only would the Phillies not lose a series all season, but that they would not drop two in a row all season. (Which you may want to double check. That second part was told to me on twitter. I <and everyone at Sugar House Casino where they were taping the show> was so busy screaming at the tv that I only heard him say they wouldn’t lose a series.) They went on to lose two in a row, and subsequently the series, the very next two games. Last night, John Clark said on twitter that it was looking like the Flyers may finally get their first shut out of the year. Within minutes, Buffalo scored. I was listening to the Phillies game on the radio. During THE FIRST FUCKING INNING, Scott Franzke and LA were carrying on about how Oswalt hasn’t lost a (regular season) game as a Phillie yet. They continued to run their stupid fucking mouths, saying that if Oswalt won last night, he’d have 10 straight wins and a Phillies pitcher hasn’t done that since 1976. At that point, I knew he was getting the loss. Later in the game, they actually stated that Brian Schneider was due to hit a home run in his current at bat, which of course he didn’t. What can we do to get these asshole to SHUT THE FUCK UP????? Is Sarge the only one who understands the jinx? I remember listening to the NLDS on the radio in 2009. The Phillies were playing in Colorado. Ryan Howard came to the plate and Assface, I mean, Tom McCarthy, said, “Here’s an interesting fact for you. Ryan Howard has NEVER hit a post-season home run anywhere other than Citizen’s Bank Park.” First pitch, he hit a home run. Sarge spent the next 5 minutes lecturing Tom that that’s how the jinx is SUPPOSED to work! Say things about how they never hit home runs, not the other things that you’re always blabbering about. What can we do about this? Think you can get your readers on board to find a way we can shame these assholes into SHUTTING THE FUCK UP???? (Or running them out of town?) Sorry, I’m really getting pissed.
I’ll be honest, I made it about three sentences in and stopped reading. However, it really seemed like Marybeth had something she wanted to say, and considering she’s an avid reader and makes a dynamite jello shot, she gets her space.
beings that you actually posted my turd and I often find myself laughing out loud at some of the shit you post. Your sense of humor is right up my alley, even if you are a Malvern Prep’er, a team I often enjoyed hacking the shit out of on the Lacrosse field. I even stole “for realsies” and everytime my fiance asks me “for real?” i reply “for realsies”.
And they say it’s always sunny here…