Friday Afternoon CB Six Pack

Moved for Victo: Michael Martinez. He stinks. He’s not fast (just looks it). Can’t hit. Average fielder. Why is he here (and yes, I know, Rule 5)?

Better night: Well, they both look like flagpoles, so that’s out. Both have impossible to spell names. And both hung in for the long haul last night to emerge victorious. But I’m going to go Sunkanynany, and here’s why: By pulling off a miraculous comeback, Dirk, upon his arrival back in Dallas, most likely had available to him a number of masseuses that looked like Sunayd. However, given the fact the Sunykamout looks like flagpole, that’s not a victory for Dirk. Plus Sukonit won the big prize, Dirk still has three hard fought games to go.

Regretful: Both landed in less than ideal situations, forced to compete with the juggernaut Philadephia Philthies. They both took about two months to lose their shit. Collins, however, will be stuck there for a year or two, max. Money aside, Werth is in a worse situation. He’s stuck in that hell hole of a baseball town for seven years. Seven.

Ke$ha or Lane: Interesting question, me. Most sane folks would go with Lane here. She’s pretty, seemingly educated, and has had a good job. Ke$ha is a bit of a whore, makes horrible music, and her New Year’s resolution was “don’t be a douchebag.” But here’s the kicker: Not only was Lane arrested in New York for being a nut, but she also had (has?) Larry Mendte checking her email on a regular basis. Love rule number 6: Never fall for a chick who wins the heart of a man with coiffed hair. Never. Ke$ha.

Meme: I like planking. There, I said it. For those who don’t know, planking is the new craze sweeping the interwebs. People lie face down, as stiff as a board, in precious and hilarious places. This guy, pictured in the Phillies dugout (courtesy of Philebrity) is full of win. Plus, Carts was into icing. No go.

Summer Ale or Corona: Age-old question. Corona is like the starter beer to Summer Ale, which, in turn, is the starter to beer to a whole slew of craft beers. I go Summer Ale, only because Jim Koch, like his brand ambassador, is a brewer… and a patriot. Drink up.


16 Responses

  1. Planking isn’t a new meme, it actually caused a bunch of deaths in various European countries (Mostly because lying down in the street in front of oncoming traffic is a dumb idea)…
    … But Icing is for pussies. So, yeah. Planking.

  2. But Sam Adams is from Boston and everything from Boston sucks. Plus Summer Ale has an aftertaste like vomit, terrible. Corona anyday. Mexico>Boston.

  3. Summer Ale should not be confined to Sam Adams. I personally think Sam Adams summer sucks. But Saranac, Magic Hat, Troegs and others have better summer ales

  4. Best summer beer: Sierra Nevada Summerfest. but generally summer beer is for chicks

  5. I dont care what anyone says, Bud light lime is amazing and the best summer beer (and winter beer!)

  6. but i agree koch is a patriot, as was his brand’s namesake which counts for a lot in my book. i guess i can look past the boston affiliation on occasion. especially now that they have a new ipa out latitude 48

  7. wow, way to be an asshole about the spelling bee winner. making sexual and racist jokes about a 14-year-old girl is pretty low, dude.

  8. fun fact, boston lager was originally called louis koch lager and was brewed in st louis, missouri.

  9. highly suggest checking out Victory’s summer brew. very nice (and not just for chicks).

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