Moved for Victo: Michael Martinez. He stinks. He’s not fast (just looks it). Can’t hit. Average fielder. Why is he here (and yes, I know, Rule 5)?
Better night: Well, they both look like flagpoles, so that’s out. Both have impossible to spell names. And both hung in for the long haul last night to emerge victorious. But I’m going to go Sunkanynany, and here’s why: By pulling off a miraculous comeback, Dirk, upon his arrival back in Dallas, most likely had available to him a number of masseuses that looked like Sunayd. However, given the fact the Sunykamout looks like flagpole, that’s not a victory for Dirk. Plus Sukonit won the big prize, Dirk still has three hard fought games to go.
Regretful: Both landed in less than ideal situations, forced to compete with the juggernaut Philadephia Philthies. They both took about two months to lose their shit. Collins, however, will be stuck there for a year or two, max. Money aside, Werth is in a worse situation. He’s stuck in that hell hole of a baseball town for seven years. Seven.
Ke$ha or Lane: Interesting question, me. Most sane folks would go with Lane here. She’s pretty, seemingly educated, and has had a good job. Ke$ha is a bit of a whore, makes horrible music, and her New Year’s resolution was “don’t be a douchebag.” But here’s the kicker: Not only was Lane arrested in New York for being a nut, but she also had (has?) Larry Mendte checking her email on a regular basis. Love rule number 6: Never fall for a chick who wins the heart of a man with coiffed hair. Never. Ke$ha.
Meme: I like planking. There, I said it. For those who don’t know, planking is the new craze sweeping the interwebs. People lie face down, as stiff as a board, in precious and hilarious places. This guy, pictured in the Phillies dugout (courtesy of Philebrity) is full of win. Plus, Carts was into icing. No go.
Summer Ale or Corona: Age-old question. Corona is like the starter beer to Summer Ale, which, in turn, is the starter to beer to a whole slew of craft beers. I go Summer Ale, only because Jim Koch, like his brand ambassador, is a brewer… and a patriot. Drink up.