Morning Wood: Ponies and Rubber Duckies Edition


The City of Angels will never be the same 

Tom McCarthy’s open:

For the Phillies, when visiting Los Angeles, there’s been a consistent path to victory in recent years. The path has been a strong current that travels up and over the right field fence, delivering clutch wins against their long-time rivals.

Chavez Ravine has been a launching pad for majestic and magical home runs over the years… but mostly for those donning the Dodger blue. Once again, last night, the visitors took that alllll too familiar path to seal the win in the series opener.


If Cliff Lee won the night last night in Tinseltown, Tom McCarthy – yes, T-Mac – came in a close second. Not only did his open foreshadow the evening, but he also helped orchestrate a meme which trolled Chris Wheeler. Double victory. First thing’s first, though.

We’re going to need a name for this game in Illadictionary. I wish I had something more clever, but I don’t. I submit to you, the reader: Cliff Lee Home Run Game.

…it’s all I could think of.

I was determined not to nod off during the late innings last night, the way I had on Monday. Somewhere around the bottom of the sixth, as I felt my eyes getting all Droopy Dog, I sprung from the couch in search of a tasty treat to keep me going. Thankfully, there was a gallon of raspberry sorbet waiting for my dominance. 

While I devoured the high-end sherbet straight from the carton in a way that would have made a recently broken up Carrie Bradshaw envious, one Clifton Phifer Lee stepped to the plate. This would be Mr. Bigtime’s moment to shine. 

Lee worked the count in his favor, 2-0. Ted Lilly then hung an 81 MPH changeup up and over the plate. Lee hammered it.

You may think this is getting old, but there are truly no other ridiculous analogies for Lee. All I can picture is a proud pony showing off for prospective buyers, doing flips and shit atop a Wawa milk crate. He was a beautiful pony, and I loved him!

As Lee rounded the bases, he told reporters that the first person he thought of was Kyle Kendrick, with whom he had a bet. The motion he made before entering the dugout, Lee explained, was directed at KK, imploring him to hand over the money: []

“It’s just a friendly wager,” a smirking Lee said. “Whatever. I think we’ll keep that between us. We can call it dinner or whatever you want to call it.”

Kendrick denied such an agreement exists.

“He doesn’t know what he’s talking about,” Kendrick said. “He’s just being Cliff.”


I’m not sure what the meaning behind the gesture Lee made to Ruiz was, but it’s going to be the new way I cover my mouth when I sneeze. Don’t judge.

Screen Shot 2011-08-10 at 12.25.37 AM

Further stats. As we passed along last night…

Lee pseudo-called his shot getting off the bus before the game. He told LA that he was going be the fourth person to ever hit one out of Dodger Stadium. That wasn’t entirely the case, but he did blast one over the fence just a few hours later. We’re going to say that counts.

It gets better.

Lee has as many home runs against left-handed pitchers (1) as Ryan Howard… and, in going deep last night, he now has a higher home runs per at-bat rate than Jayson Werth. Lee’s two home runs in 53 official at-bats is good for a HR to AB ratio of 1:26.5. Werth’s 13 home runs in 407 at-bats? 1:31. $126 million.

Lee also owns the Dodgers. In his last three starts against them, dating back to the 2009 NLCS, he has thrown 24 consecutive scoreless innings. That’s excellent.

Here’s our video of the home run– with Franzke’s call, Lee’s prediction, and spliced with Matt Stairs’ 2008 blast. Here’s video of Lee’s dominant mound performance.

As if this entire post wasn’t fantastical enough, Matt Gelb informs us that when listening to trainer Dong Lien’s iPod one day, Roy Oswalt stumbled upon a reggae version Rubber Ducky. The song has now become a mainstay in the Phillies’ clubhouse. Awesome.

Finally, the night didn’t only belong Lee and the ducks. No, there was another man sharing the spotlight on this evening in the City of Angels: Chris Wheeler.

Screen Shot 2011-08-10 at 9.54.11 AM

Wheels turned 66 last night, T-Mac and the rest of the broadcast crew made sure he had a very happy birthday. All of the screen grabs are after the jump.

These are best viewed while listening to the Phillies’ clubhouse jam, Rubber Ducky:

Screen Shot 2011-08-10 at 9.42.54 AM
Screen Shot 2011-08-10 at 9.42.54 AM
Screen Shot 2011-08-10 at 9.42.54 AM
Screen Shot 2011-08-10 at 9.42.54 AM
Screen Shot 2011-08-10 at 9.42.54 AM
Screen Shot 2011-08-10 at 9.42.54 AM

Screen Shot 2011-08-10 at 9.51.56 AM
Screen Shot 2011-08-10 at 9.51.56 AM
Screen Shot 2011-08-10 at 9.51.56 AM
Happy birthday, Chris.


14 Responses

  1. “I’m not sure what the meaning behind the gesture Lee made to Ruiz was, but it’s going to be the new way I cover my mouth when I sneeze. Don’t judge.”
    Fucking. Awesome.

  2. I myself decided to indulge in a 14oz carton of Hagen Daz chocolate chocolate chip ice cream to keep from nodding off around the same time. As it turns out, the combination of rich decadent Dutch cocoa and chocolate chips coupled with the image of Clifton smacking one into the right field pavillion charged my endorphin levels to bring me to a level of euphoria that I have never and probably will never experience again.

  3. “Cliff Lee Home Run Game”
    New Name:
    “The Clifton Phifer Lee Drink of Rainbow Excellence Game”
    Can be served as an aperitif or a digestif to HP3-LGE meals or all by itself as a nightcap.
    Just don’t drink it with rasberry sorbet. Boyo, you’ve sunken to a new low of lows. Did you chase that crap down with some vanilla extract for that special buzz? “Remember, don’t drive and bake drunk.”:

    Flat Wheels is suave. And I didn’t know T-Mac’s Missus works at the Zoo. I can’t recall the last time I was there. Must have been the 50’s (FU again, MPH), and admission was like a buck-50, and you could feed almost all the animals. Peanuts to the elefents and bananas to the monkey-apes. And little toto dogs to the lions, tigers, and bears. And that pellet shyte to everything else.

  4. I like both suggestions, consider it done.
    Muscles- maybe, but you might want to check that mouth too. it projects as well.

  5. I think this game marks more then just our triumph and thus I give you:
    Clifton Phifer Lee presents:
    “The Dodgers last breathe”
    Cliff Lee goes 8 strong and K’s 10. This, as we know, is not anything out of the ordinary. However, when you watched the game you couldn’t help but think, “Man there’s a lot of Phillies fans out there…and wow is it empty…”
    The Dodgers are dead. Last night their play was uninspired. They made unforced, awful errors. The attendance was probably in the hundreds. They were on life support…and then Cliff Lee came in and pulled the plug. Dominant performace, and he scorched a homerun off of their starter Ted Lilly. This loss was completely demorolizing in every sense of the word for LA. I don’t think their franchise will recover from the events that have transpired this year anytime soon, and we just put the nail in the proverbial casket. I. Love. It.

  6. The hand signal was something Ron Washington does in the club house and out in clubs….
    As for the Wheels cutout, how many do you think they have of them with him and naked men/church of fudge-esque poses?

  7. This is the second or third time I’ve seen this image of Lee as a unicorn pissing excellence- somebody use their influence over at Philly Phaithful or wherever else and get that on a t-shirt!
    I want it, need it, gotta have it. Someone print one out and staple it to a Phillies shirt. I will pay all expenses to have it made(?) and shipped.

Comments are closed.