Evan Turner’s New Puppy Got a Little Sick Last Night

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Welcome to the latest installment of the NBA lockout chronicles. Yesterday, we played for you the latest Lou Will-Meek Mill collabo. Today? Beaker gets a dog.

That’s right, our man Evan Turner took to the Tweets to talk about his purchases of a new pup, a Cane Corso that he’s going to name “Brutus.”


Oh holy cute. I'm assuming ET knows that picture just scored him major ass (girls love babies, dogs, and hummus). Of course, he learned the hard way just how unpredictable puppies can be. Just a short while after posting the above picture, Turner gave us all an update:

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Poor Brutus.

A Cane Corso is one badass dog. Just look at this thing when it’s fully grown. It was almost built to be a companion to macho athletes. But what about bloggers? - transition! - Ms CB. and I have batted around the idea of getting a pup, but there’s a strong disconnect on the breed. I want a comically large, friendly Lab. Ms. CB wants a Puggle.

I grew up with two not-so-friendly little dogs, so, unlike Robert De Niro’s character in Meet The Parents, I’m looking for the happiest, most predictable, throw me a stick, I’ll go get it dog there is. I don’t care if he slobbers and falls all over the place. I just want a canine that wags his tail and eats tennis balls.

Ms. CB? A Puggle. 

I think we’ve reached an impasse. Help.


43 Responses

  1. I love your site. Please don’t make me stop reading because you got a Puggle. Get a real dog.

  2. I used to hate small dogs till I met my wife and we got a straight up, pure bred Pug from an awesome breeder out here towards West Chester. We could not be happier. He’s a farting oaf that is extremely comical but he’s rambunctious enough to be a cool dog. And the barks are more like rough benign chirps. Not ear piercing dagger. South 40 Farm in Coatesville….ask for Mimi(610) 384-4844

  3. I think we all know how this will end. With a picture of you and a puggle asleep on the coach during another Eagles loss in the second half. Yup. Ms. CB already won.

  4. Go to petfinder.com, search for “dog” and “labrador retriever” and put in your ZIP. Pure- and mixed-breed labs will then fill your screen. Pick the one you like the best. We found an awesome, lovable, friendly, 4 month old lab-chow mix this way. Bonus: he came already house-trained!

  5. Pugs are indeed mutants that breathe too loud…that’s the charm…and yeah they stink…their dogs. Dogs smell.

  6. How about this. When you’re old lady is sleeping, go around to all the kennels and pet shops with nothing but a bag of nails and a hack saw. Fuck up those pugs. I’m talkin an all out Vick-like assault. Works every time.

  7. Puggles are the ugliest grown-up dogs around. My cousin has one and the thing doesnt stop barking jumping around and yapping. They are cute as pups but full size are over grown rats. Simply put those things stink. Have a nice day.

  8. Yeah fuck the puggles just stick with the pug. It’s the beagle in them that make them bark and jump around like retards. THe pug is more of a mini bulldog.

  9. If Ms. CB insists on a small dog, the Sealyham Terrier (http://www.petyourdog.com/dog_breeds/sealyham-terrier/) is awesome. Not too loud, smart as a whip, calm (as long as it gets one, minimum 10 minute brisk walk per day), and very loving. Plus, they do the “Sealy Smile” and “Sealy Sit” which Ms. CB would absolutely love.
    Don’t go with a lab- those fuckers take like 7 years to calm down from their puppy days. If you’re gonna go big dog, go Great Dane or Pitbull.

  10. How is it that women love some small things that stink yet when you take your dick out during a taping of The View you wind up with federal charges? Fucking hypocrites.

  11. Basset Hound. You will not find a more uncoordinated sloppy mess of a dog out there that’s lovable.

  12. pugs have health problems if you get them from a pet store or some dope breeding them in their garage. Get some facts and come back and see me

  13. pink shirt, puggles, sorbet, venza, Pan-am… she’s probably going to win the argument so why go without favors for a few days over a dog YOU are going to be walking at 4am? get it over with and buy the puggle Kyle. Maybe she’ll let you pick the name or the shape of the dog tag.

  14. Be forewarned: if you get a Throw me a stick, I’ll go get it dog, You will have to throw the stick. All the time. When you don’t want to throw the stick because you just got home from a long day of work, dog don’t care, he doesn’t give a shit, throw the damn stick. When you’ve thrown the stick 200 times and you’re done, dog don’t care, he don’t give a shit. Keep throwing the damn stick. When the Birds are on and you just wanna watch the game, dog don’t care, he don’t give a shit, throw the damn stick. If you have people over, Throw me a stick, I’ll go get it dog will jump all over them when the walk in the door. Dog don’t care, he don’t give a shit, He want to tell your guest how happy he is to see them. You will have 10 – 13 years of that.
    BUT, if you and Ms. CB ever have kids, Throw me a stick, I’ll go get it dog are the best dogs to have. My Throw me a stick, I’ll go get it dog is great with my kids even though the dog was here first and has fallen to fourth in the pecking order of attention worthy creatures in my house. If you want an insanely loyal and loving dog, Throw me a stick, I’ll go get it dog is the dog for you. Hell, you have the stick. If someone tries to break into your house, Throw me a stick, I’ll go get it dog could scare the ever loving shit out of them.

  15. Adopt a Pug! They are great dogs! Delaware Valley Pug Rescue has an adorable little boy whose parent is being deployed to Afghanistan. I’d take him, but my pug would be very angry with me.

  16. This pains me to admit, but I own a puggle (at the woman’s behest). He weighs 49 pounds so he’s a medium sized dog (I guess), likes to lay around like a slob, and is generally a cool dog. He is a barker, and I’m pretty sure the mailman murdered his family or something horrific like that because every time he delivers the mail the fucking dog goes ape-shit. Other than that, they’re pretty good dogs.

  17. We got a lab-retriever mix from the seeing eye about 6 years ago. Best. Dog. Ever. Only about half of the dogs in the program actually make it through the training to be a seeing eye dog. The rest need homes. You put in an application and they match the dog to you based on your preferences. They only had labs, retrievers, and german shepherds (no puggles), but they come with more training than a year of Villanova tuition can get you. The wait can take a while but its worth it to find the right dog. Our dog was “willful” and “other-dog distracted,” meaning shes just a stubborn bitch at times. Really is the best dog you can get.

  18. pugs often have diseases/infections of the eye and nose. stay away. Adopt from a shelter. If you want a non-barking dog, get a basenji. though they do still whine.

  19. Get a mutt (like me). Easiest to house-train and are the best disciplined and least prone to purebred defects. Even hybreds like puggles can have inbred problems. And forget narrowing it down on looks alone.
    Go to a shelter and play with some puppies and the one that’s best for you will pick you instead of you picking it.
    And be sure not to decide lightly. A dog is the biggest commitment besides having a child (maybe greater to marriage), so you better be “Sirius” about it.
    Cane Corso, looks like they’re bred from Roman Mastiffs, the original Dogs of War.
    Turner better watch out. Motion sick dogs, like people, tend to have it for their lives. Looks like he has a big-arsed SUV in that pic so he can outfit the cargo bay with a liner under a cage. It’s also safer than a canine seatbelt in a crash if the cage is properly secured.

  20. Also, if you really fall in love with your dog, be prepared to spend a lot of money (and perhaps time), more when they get elderly than when they’re pups. Unless your one of those arsehole fuck-wits who put the dog down at the first sign of a senior alement (in that case, http://youtu.be/0EMIhi06wuc?t=9s ). But it is a major expense. And if you can get it, buy pet healthcare insurance.

  21. Oh it is very frustrating to know that our pet is sick. And I can say that I have experienced that one and I have slept sleepless nights knowing that I want my dog to feel better.

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