Reader Emails: “G-Line” Sucks

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There are certain trivial matters that, as hockey fans, we must constantly address.

For instance, cap space– we love cap space… or lack thereof. Not even hardcore NFL fans — a sport where the cap plays an even bigger role — spend as much time talking about the salary ceiling as hockey fans.

We love the power play, too. How does the power play look? Are they struggling on the power play? Jagr really impacts the power play. Power play. Power. Play. 

Power.

Play.

We love it. Or hate it. It’s always one or the other.

Perhaps most notable of all, however, is our fascination with lines. Other than baseball, a sport with a very specific and defined ordering of the troops, hockey is only sport in which there is a clear, distinct grouping of players. Sure, there are starters in football and basketball, but nonstop substitutions keep those groupings in constant flux. Not hockey, though. While the sport has more on-field(ice) turnover than any other, players are consistently grouped with the same peers: their linemates.

One fortunate (or unfortunate) offshoot of our fascination with lines is the feeling that we need to give the best ones names. For the Flyers, there was the LCB Line, the Crazy Eights, and the Legion of Doom, to name a few. Last year, there was the short-lived Costa Rica Line, which can perhaps now be called the not gon… not gon… not gonna work here anymore line. It was named for the All-Star break trip taken by Mike Richards, Jeff Carter, and Ville Leino. Ironically, every member of the line that got its name from a three-day boozefest has been either traded or let go because – allegedly – they partied too much.

So now we have a void to fill. Ladies and gentlemen, ESPN’s John Buccigross:

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And two reader emails:

Hey Kyle, 

I love reading your site! I was looking on CSN and saw that Tim Panaccio had named the Jagr, Hartnell, Giroux line the “G line”. All I could think was “really though? I mean, I know you lack skills in many writing areas, but that’s all you could come up with?” I propose that we start a movement to call this line the “I line”. While this might not sound too far off from Tim Panaccio’s “G” I feel that as a whole it just is better. We all had alphabet spaghetti o’s as kids we all know our “ABC’s” and clearly  if anything has been shown by this line it’s that there is only one thing missing from this line and it is an “I” from their last name. That’s my piece, keep up the awesome work. 

Sincerely,

Robert 

 

[Editor’s note: I-Line is no good.]

 

the “g line” name stinks… How about the “roogr19” line ( roo from giroux, gr from jagr and 19 from hartnell, of course) the ruger 19 is a type of handgun so that name is perfect for a scoring line. c’mon man, pump it up 

 

[Editor’s note: No.]

But I’m on board with the concept of the G-Line being an awful name (plus, anything propagated by Tim Panaccio probably stinks). 

It seems we need to give them a new name. Ryan Bright of Philly Sports Daily doesn’t think so, but, hey, it’s Thursday and we need something to talk about.

So you have Giroux, Jagr, and Hartnell. The G-Line is 100% mailing it in– we’re all in agreement there. I think the answer is quite simple, really. Giroux and Jagr both possess world-class hockey skills. They move effectively without the puck and marvel us with what they can do with the puck. Giroux dangles and, Jagr… he has moves. Together, the two make for a nasty, sometimes figuratively filthy duo. And Hartnell? Well, he falls down a lot. So the name is pretty obvious if you ask me: Down and Dirty.

However, being a fan of our fine democracy, let’s weigh input from the world of Twatting:

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Legion of Swoon and Legion of Sex are somewhat funny, but too unoriginal. Flow Riders is nice, though I’m not sure that works since Jagr is now all cropped up top and Giroux is only considered to have nice hair because it’s red.

Czech and Balance, however… that’s nice. You have the obvious Jagr reference (Czech), which is also a hockey term (double-word score), and Balance, which pokes fun at Hartnell’s propensity to fall down. And the whole thing is an intentional malapropism (I think).

Let’s put it to vote, you Americans you:

 

We would announce the winner, but after about 50 votes, the ratio will likely remain the same. So, really, you’re looking at the winner.

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51 Responses

  1. Honestly I think those both suck. I personally liked G-Unit even though it’s kind of unoriginal. Either way I’m less concerned with naming this line than I am with waiting for the other lines to pick up their scoring. If Giroux got hurt right now I think we’d lose every game til he returned. He’s the source of half our offense.

  2. I don’t like either of the choices. Here are some of my own.
    Young Money
    Controlled Chaos
    Jagr and the shrimp shack shooters
    Demolition (another old WWF tag team name…and a good one)
    New World Order
    Giroux and the pronunciations
    Scotty doesn’t know
    3G Speeds (cell phones…heh)
    2 guys and a clown
    …I could literally do this all day.
    FACE

  3. I guess politically incorrect, but why not the “Jesus H. Christ line?” As in “Jesus H. Christ, did you see what Giroux did there?” or “Jesus H. Christ, how is Jagr that strong on the puck?” or “Jesus H. Christ, why the fuck is Hartnell on the ground again?”
    J(agr)esus
    H(artnell).
    C(laude)hrist.
    Think Pinotch could get down with that one?

  4. Want to vote none of the above. They suck as bad as Panocha’s name.
    And you’re right, no Legion-This-or-That line names either. Too stuck in the past.
    I go by my earlier comment on another blog entry:
    ————————————————————
    New name for the Giroux-Hartnell-Jagr line?
    PBU for the “Peanut Butter Unit”, cause it’s smooth like Jagr’s Creamy Peanut Butter:
    http://hockeygalmilwaukee.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/jagr2.jpg
    Runners Up: The “Jif” Line
    ————————————————————
    I was earlier thinking of some along the lines of this, but I don’t think it’ll work:
    ————————————————————
    There are 2 “Aces” and there are 2 *8’s on that line. Hence the “Aces & Eights” Line. (Sorry Scotty)
    But as we all know that’s also called The Dead Man’s Hand in poker, because Wild Bill got shot in the back of the head by Jack McCall while holding it:
    http://youtu.be/g0t1UmOL_Iw
    So instead of “Aces & Eights”, peopl will start calling it the “Dead Man’s” Line, and that’s could have a negative connotation. But hey, you be dead if you try and win against them.

  5. The Cloak and Dagger Line
    You think you’re good because the line wears a cover of Hartnell as deception, but stabs you directly through the heart with Giroux and Jagr.

  6. Neither. But I’m sure the “Down and Dirty” line is what we will see on this site.
    I read the “Hair Line” on Twitter the other day and thought it was hysterical. I can’t find who said it first, but thought it was funny. How do you wrong with a Mullet, a Mop, and a Ginger?
    I think the name will happen naturally and the best name will probably come from the players themselves (see: Doom, Legion of).
    And can we PLEASE stop calling Couturier “Cooter”? That is the most ridiculous nickname I’ve ever heard.

  7. G’s Up. Hoes Down. or just G’s Up.
    G-Force
    The Bushwackers
    Money Inc.
    Three kings
    unkillable time
    making up these nicknames is killing my afternoon
    I like the 115 line and the dead mans line too good stuff

  8. My personal suggestions:
    Wide 19
    Two men and a baby
    NWO
    The WNBA
    In Memoriam of Costa Rica
    Clogger (or Clagr)
    The Baby Bulls

  9. Jesus H Christ gets my vote. Fuckin love it. Also Scotty Doesn’t Know is a good one too. And I think Cooter is the nickname the Flyers gave him… not this site. I think Hartnell will have to start sucking again and get taken off this line on order for a good nickname to surface. Don’t worry. It’ll happen… HA!

  10. Do they even need a name? You really think Hartnell is gonna last on this line? He’ll be back to taking dumb penalties and tripping over the blue line then the line is done.

  11. THE TRI-FORCE (zelda)
    Charlie Sheen and the drugs (WINNING)
    better then Tim Tebow
    Joe Conklin and the impersonators
    Dykstra’s debt collectors
    Mullet Machine
    Mullet Marauders
    Midnight Mayors of Mulletville
    jaromir claud and my drunk uncle

  12. @ ginger lover- yeah there’s some good one’s on here, I’m getting help from other board co-workers. if anyone is starting a band, there’s some winners in there.

  13. We force Jagr to grow out his hockey hair or we get him a hockey flow bucket and stick with flow riders.
    Don’t know what a flow bucket is?


  14. The Slip and Slide line…
    I mean come on…Giroux dances and slips around defenders before he slips a no look pass onto someone’s stick…Jagr slips right into the slot or between defenders before sliding the puck into the net…and Hartnell…well i dont think i need to explain that he looks like hes on a slip and slide when hes out there…

  15. “Giroux dances and slips around defenders before he slips a no look pass onto someone’s stick”
    Supposed to be slides* a no look pass but slip works as well…Thats how good roo is.

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