“My Husky, Basically She’s a Hot Girl, Man” And Other Bryz Gems

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I told you! I told you this summer that having a quirky Russian goaltender was going to be a whole barrel of fun. He may not be great at stopping the puck – yet – but his (now weekly) proverbs are perfection. 

As you might imagine, Bryz once again stole the show– at least in terms of quotables. 

Number one, as seen above: The Flyers, some of whom apparently got to watch 24/7 last Wednesday despite the Sofitel in Montreal not having HBO*, immediately gave Bryz a hard time at breakfast on Thursday. Jaromir Jagr was the most harsh– he stranded Bryz when the goaltender tried to sit next to him at an otherwise empty table. 

*One Canadiens blogger told me that he watched last week’s show at a bar with “a few of the Flyers rookies.”

Then, Harry Scrabble, who saw the show (perhaps at that bar), joined Bryz and Bob to get some more nuggets of wisdom filtered through that heavy Russian accent which automatically adds a 1.5x hilarity multiplier to any Bryz quote: 

Harry Z: Your lesson about the galaxy was, uh…

Bryz: Epic?

.. laughs –

Bryz: You have imagination, right?

Harry Z: Yeah.

Bryz: You know the breed “Husky?”

Harry Z: The Husky… yeah, the dog

Bryz: Yeah, Siberian Husky

Harry Z: That’s what you have?

Bryz: Yeah, she’s all white. Beautiful blue eyes. That’s basically blonde girl with a blue eyes. Your dream, man.

Harry Z: – perplexed – So you’re comparing women to your Huskies?

Bryz: My Husky, basically she’s a hot girl, man.

Harry: Amazing. Amazing.


Amazing indeed. What’s ironic, though, is that the whole time Bryz was basically appealing to Harry’s frat boy instincts by describing the perfect dog woman, he probably didn’t realize that Z was once charged and sentenced with videotaping and distributing underage porn (filmed his buddy having sex in college). Oops.

None of that matters now, however. What we care about are dog jokes and puns. As reader Chris Mack points out on Twitter, Bryz is basically Louis’ father, Carter Pewterschmidt, in this scene from Family GuyFeel the heat coming off of her genitalia, you can roast a marshmallow, that's how you can tell she's a champion. Isn't she the most beautiful dog you've ever seen? 

That wasn’t all from Bryz, though. 

He gave his thoughts on his occupation, too: [thanks to Puck Daddy for transcription on this one]

"I love it. Sometimes hate it. A few weeks ago, they broke my chest protector during the practice, and guys continue start hitting me in the same spot. Why so painful? I don't want to be goalie now. Can I sit in the office and accept the calls? Like '1-800 … let me transfer you to a different department."

"OK, they fire the puck from the blue line. Chief usually yelling 'block the shot' at the defensemen. They doesn't have the goalie gear, but they have to block the shot. So who is more crazy, me or the defensemen? Who is more weird?"


Hilarious. But quite honestly I’d rather the $51 million goaltender not hate hockey at all. That contract has eight more years on it… 

Video of that second quote is after the jump.

Video copyright HBO via FlyersinHD on YouTube

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  • joe December 21, 2011 at 11:19 pm

    him and phil kessel should get a television show together. it would be the most awkward thing to watch

  • Boom December 21, 2011 at 11:29 pm

    I need a screen cap of Bryz like he is talking on the phone ASAP

  • Sugar Les Bowen December 22, 2011 at 12:14 am

    Bob has NO idea what is going on.

  • Dylan December 22, 2011 at 12:36 am

    Bob looks like that kid in high school that didn’t get to sit with the cool kids at lunch so he’s stuck sitting with Z, Bryz, and some other dude no one knows.

  • Dave Patrick December 22, 2011 at 1:06 am

    That “other dude no one knows” is goalie coach Jeff Reese.

  • Paula December 22, 2011 at 1:56 am

    lol Jagr wanting to sit alone

  • DimitriYushkevich December 22, 2011 at 5:29 am

    i loved the ending of the show with the beginning of the return of #28, gave me chills, it was like the return of a superhero.

  • Cooter December 22, 2011 at 8:26 am

    “Fuck, i just want to eat alone.” – Jagr

  • Triple Word Score December 22, 2011 at 8:27 am

    Haha Harry Scrabble! LOVE it!

  • jennyleah December 22, 2011 at 8:35 am

    If anybody ever watched friends, and seen the episode where Pheobe is dating the guy who speaks no English and has no clue what’s going on. That is what Bobs looked like last night. I was waiting for him to pick up his dish and say “plate” ( you had to see the episode).

  • J.T. December 22, 2011 at 8:54 am

    Kyle, who is Louis in Family Guy?
    I’ve seen LOIS, but not Louis.
    Grammar/typo police on the beat!

  • Pat December 22, 2011 at 9:04 am

    I have no idea what I would do if I called for season tickets only to find out Bryz had been transferred to the sales department.

  • USSR so good to me December 22, 2011 at 9:33 am

    When he was pretending to answer the phone I was so hoping he’d say, “Hello, this is Peggy, how may I transfer your call?”

  • Frannie December 22, 2011 at 10:20 am

    I bet Bryz gets an Emmy nod. Goddamn that man needs his own show. Or a book deal.

  • Schtick Coma December 22, 2011 at 11:32 am

    Most of the time, I don’t get the Bryz nonsense (man has funny accent, tries to make conversation…ha.ha.ha).
    This was good. It was similar to Woltz in Godfather 1 saying to Hagan, you appreciate beauty, right (and shows him his horse). He sees Harry as a clown who was patronizing him. Bryz was reminding him that he has a lot more money and more refined tastes.

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