The Sixers Don't Have a "Hot Girl," They Have Doug Collins
Welcome to CB new contributor Joe Gallagher, who penned what you are about to read. He thinks he’s Bill Simmons, but that’s OK because Joe makes salient points. In this case, those points have to do with your Philadelphia 76ers. Programming note: Pat Croce will be on Broad Street Radio today at 3 p.m. Look for that link shortly.
Take it away, Joe.
My buddy Christian is the best at scalping tickets of anyone I know. I mean the guy has pit two rivaling scalpers against each other in order to drive the price down to below face value. He’ll start a stare down, wait until a minute before the first pitch of a big Phillies game, tap his foot, cross his arms, and watch as the scalper wilts before him. He’s like a young Jason Kidd. He knows exactly when to put the heat on, when to cool off, and when to make a deal, or, in Kidd’s case, a pass. (Save for the one time he bought in bulk and a bunch of the tickets were counterfeit. Lesson learned: never pay a large sum of money to a guy named ‘The Wiz’)
Christian is also a huge fan of Philadelphia sports, and generally excels in “talking shop”; so I put a lot of stock into what he said as we were leaving the Wells Fargo Center after the Sixers thrashing of the Sacramento Kings.
He said: “Dude, I just saw them play. They were great. I saw that. I saw Elton Brand dominate the middle, even after Spencer Hawes went down. I saw Evan Turner weave to the basket. I saw Iguodala play lock down defense. I saw Thad Young throw down monster jams. I saw Jodie Meeks hit back-breaking threes. I saw Lou Williams create. I saw Jrue Holiday effortlessly make plays. I saw them be great. But you know, I don’t believe that they’re great. I can’t. How can they be? They shouldn’t be – they’re the Sixers!”
And maybe that’s what most of us Philly fans are thinking right now.
So what if John Hollinger’s geeky math calculated that the Sixers were the best team in the NBA through nine games? It doesn’t matter. They can’t be that good! They are the Sixers! They paid Elton Brand 80 million dollars…one year after he played eight games. Eight games! Who’s even on the team anymore anyway? Is Kevin Ollie still there?
Look, whether you want to admit it or not, the masses aren’t buying into the Sixers because they don’t have a single star. Well news flash, people: you don’t need a bona fide star to win championships. (The 2004 Pistons collectively nod their heads.)
The Sixers are good. They are going to win games. Championships? We’ll see.
So why then was the Wells Fargo Center not even half full when the Sixers met the Kings?
It could be what I call ‘the hot chick theory.’ Did you ever go to see a movie only because a hot chick starred in it? I know I have. I remember seeing I Love You Beth Cooper not because I thought it would be funny, but for the possibility that Hayden Panettiere would show some skin. It wasn’t; she didn’t. But I remember people going wild at Megan Fox’s Jennifer’s Body ONLY because Fox sauntered around real seductively. Look, I think she lit her tongue on fire. This is like the NBA equivalent of John Wall and the Washington Wizards– sexy but terrible.
Sexy. Terrible.
Remember the ‘04 Sixers?
Let me refresh your memory: they went 33-49 with Allen Iverson leading the squad. Still, there was a buzz about the team and they finished 4th in the league in attendance. Why? Because Allen Iverson was that hot chick. He made you want to watch because there was that chance that you might see something that you’d never seen before and you’d never see again… like someone lighting their tongue on fire.
Maybe that analogy didn’t work and I just came off sounding kind of like Ilya Bryzgalov…only without the hint of bestiality.
Regardless, these Sixers do not have that draw. They do not have that one guy who puts the asses in the seats.They just don’t.
Maybe that’s a shame. But I don’t think so.
I think that they have twelve guys who should – and will – put asses in the seats. Eventually.
Why do I believe that that’s the case?
Trivia time:
What’s the one thing, above all, that we want from our Philadelphia sports teams?
I’ll give you some time…
(Jeopardy music is cued)
(annnnnnnd…)
(TIME!)
If you said “swagger,” you’d be wrong and you should take the first flight to Miami, where Jose Reyes and Kris Versteeg’s mouthguard will be waiting for you with open arms. From there I encourage you to raft across to Cuba and never return.
The answer is winning. Duh, winning! [editor’s note: he’ll learn that Charlie Sheen jokes were old six months ago] Here in Philly, like every other city, we love winners. And. That's. What. The. Sixers. Are. Doing. Winning. [editor's note: ugh]
Why? What happened between last year’s mediocrity and now?
Nothing, really. And that's a good thing. The Sixers returned almost their entire team. Basketball is not a one-man game. At it’s best, basketball is a perfectly fluid and cohesive sport. Players on the best teams almost always realize this and say: “Screw this. My stats don’t matter. I’m going to bust my ass until the clock hits zero. I’m going to have my teammates’ back on defense. I’m going to make the right pass. I’m going to play for the guy to the right and the guy to the left. Nothing else but finishing the game but one point ahead of the opponent matters. I could score 100, or I could score zero. Doesn’t matter. I want to win.”
And, after watching the Sixers every night (and twice in-person now), I am convinced that they are grasping this.
After all, it’s much harder to stop 12 guys who can play than one, two, or even three… especially in a shortened season, where teams that rely on one or two players can be SOL if someone gets injured or is gassed from four games in five nights.
On any given night, Lou Williams, Jrue Holiday, Andre Igoudala, Evan Turner, Thad Young – anyone really – can take over the game. Against the Kings, it was Elton Brand. This team takes what it is given to them and capitalizes on it. They play exceptional defense, they rebound, and they win games thanks to effort and grit. Need a franchise player? How about head coach Doug Collins? The Sixers are built in his image and likeness.
Though I do have one qualm with Collins– He really needs to take Andre Igoudala aside and say, “Look Andre, I know that we’re paying you like a big name superstar. But you’re not. You’re a fill-in-the-blanks kind of guy. You’re a great defender. You score when you need to. You make good passes. But for heaven’s sake, stop thinking that it’s your ball to shoot at the end of the game. Lou Williams or Jrue or even Evan Turner are much, much better at creating their own shots than you are. Once you admit that, you’re not going to be costing us close games anymore. I love you, but let’s do what’s right for the team. You can help us go very far. It’s just that when the clock gets under two minutes it doesn’t mean you’re suddenly MJ. You’re starting to look like Craig Ehlo [1] out there. Stop.”
Philadelphia is supposed to be a city that appreciates great basketball. Now, I know Philly loves its college basketball. And hey, so do I. Selection Sunday ranks right up there with Superbowl Sunday, Game 7 of a playoff series, the Victoria Secret Fashion Show, and Leif Erikson Day[2] among my favorite days of the year.
But above all, I think Philly loves good basketball. And that’s what the Sixers are playing right now – good basketball. Plus, Adam Aron is trying really hard…
So, come on, trek down to the WFC, shell out a couple bucks (10 dollar tickets? Yup!), cheer Spencer Hawes[2], and enjoy good basketball, dammit.
If you don’t, I know Christian will. And he’ll do it for half the price.
…
[1] For those of you wondering who the hell Craig Ehlo is, he was a mediocre guard/forward for the Cavs best known for covering Jordan on “The Shot.”
[2] Hands down coolest moment of the home opener: Hawes is on the bench. The Pistons get an offensive rebound and the whole WFC starts chanting “We want Hawes.” Soon after, he comes back in, scores a couple of buckets in row, and has the whole place chanting “Let’s go Spen-cer.” He immediately stops, collects himself behind the arc, hoists up a three ball annnnnnnd….clangs it. The whole place held its breath and would have absolutely erupted Joe Blanton-hits-a-homer-in-the-World-Series style had Hawes made the shot. It obviously wasn’t as big of a moment, but it still had that feel to it.
