Where Are They Now? The Sad Existence of Donovan McNabb, Terrell Owens and… Eddie Jordan?


Photo: Ultimate Hoops Minnesota's Facebook page

Every so often we like to check in on our former stars, and the hilarity with which they might currently be involved.

We have some winners this week. Please keep in mind that none of what you are about to read is made up for comedic purposes.

First up (as seen above in a picture taken last week): Donovan McNabb is playing for Ultimate Hoops Minnesota, part of the self-proclaimed best recreational basketball league in the country. Sweet. Perhaps Five could use another pep talk from Kurt Warner. But there is good news: McNabb put up 14 and 10 for Most Dominant Ever in a game against the Rockets. No, not those Rockets.

Number two: Terrell Owens is taking his talents to… the Allen Wranglers of the Indoor Football League, a team which he will co-own. Here’s what T.O. said on a video posted to his Twitter

Uh oh, it’s official, it just went down: I’m headed back to Texas, that’s right, IFL, here I come. Allen, Texas, here I come. Imma be me on BeeYoo.com.


Nice, a plug for the video service he used to make the announcement… and the one that is probably paying him. He's also still working out half-naked.

Finally, number three: Former Sixers coach Eddie Jordan is coaching freshmen at Archbishop Carroll in D.C. where his team’s huddle break is Carroll swag! Really. via FOX in D.C.:

Eddie mentioned he would like to coach again. He said he would prefer to be a couple of seats to the right now, an assistant. But for now, he's good being the highest paid coach in the history of high school freshman basketball. The 76ers are still paying him 3 million dollars. 


That last line makes me sad. Video of Jordan’s new Sixers-funded career is after the jump.


Former Wizards Coach Eddie Jordan Leading Carroll High School Team: MyFoxDC.com


15 Responses

  1. Sadder existance…
    Former NFL Star worth Millions, or gangly internet blogger that puts himself on some odd undeserved pedestal?
    Silly question, the answers Kyle Scott.

  2. Remember when 5 was around and never threw INT’s until NFC Championship Games? Those were the days..

  3. I’m not a huge NBA fan nor am I a violent person, but everytime I see Eddie Jordan, I instantly want to punch him in the face. Does anyone else have that urge? How anyone could look at this guy and think it would be a good idea to hire him as a head coach of an NBA team is beyond me. What’s even more beyond me is that someone (Bryan Colangelo, Toronto Raptors’ GM) would then in turn hire Ed Stefanski as their Executive Vice-President of Basketball Operations following aforementioned hiring of Eddie Jordan.

  4. I just have this nagging feeling that McNabb is destined to cross the 350lb threshold in his later years and resemble Professor Sherman Klump. Is anyone else with me on this?

  5. The less I see of Eddie Jordan, the lower my blood pressure remains. That clown was flaming idiot without compare. As for Donnie Drama, yeah, matt, I can see him porking out big time. That’ll be fun to see.

  6. McNabb and sad? Really?
    The guy has made app. $200 million playing football.
    He’s made a few million more in endoresements.
    He made a TON of MONEY as one of the original investors in Vitamin Water after it sold for $4 BILLION – that’s billion with a B. McNabb never made public what his profit was, but 50 Cent walked with $50 Million on his stake.
    Don’t ever feel sorry for No. 5!
    He’s a bright guy, married, 4 kids and sitting on a fucking MOUNTAIN of money.
    No. 5 – I wasn’t your biggest fan – but you should be one of the most talked about role models in this country.

  7. Yea, cheating on your wife and acting like a genuine douche in interviews is EXACTLY what roles models are made of. And yes, I end sentences with prepositions, motherfucker.
    – Grubes –

  8. Nice work, “Kyle.” Way to get right to the story. Especially when it comes to “Five.” Once “Five” left this despicable city of no-champ hounds, it was time to let him alone. But you don’t see it that way since you are a Revisionist of sorts. Just something needed to give me some morning wood (even though I am busy bedding some awkward tramp from Brownies 23 East, for which my morning wood is amply present). Good luck,K. See you on Route 30 (lancaster ave). Anywho, Five is Five. He’s shown us all that he is. Let it go, my brother.

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