Flyers

Examining Why Sidney Crosby is Such a Bitch

By Kyle Scott

Published: Apr 16th, 2012 · 1:58 AM EDT

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Sidney Crosby after Game 3:

Q: When you knocked Voracek’s glove on the ice and hit it away was that just out of frustration?

“I don’t like any guy on their team there. It was near me and he went to pick it up and I pushed it.”

Q: Why don’t you like them?

“I don’t like them, because I don’t like any guy on their team so.”

Q: The fighting and such was that you trying to spark their team a little bit?

“Yea, guys are emotional and there is a lot of stuff going on out there. There is no reason to explain. I don’t have to sit here and explain why I pushed a glove away they are doing a lot of things out there too. You know what, we don’t like each other. Was I going to sit there and pick up his glove? What was I supposed to do?”

Q: You could skate away.

“Skate away? Oh well I didn’t that time.” 

 

It’s hard to put into words how much of a bitch Sidney Crosby is, but the Penguins’ captain just did a pretty good job of it.

As so eloquently described by Chris Therien on the Flyers radio broadcast, Crosby was in the middle of – or started – nearly every skirmish that occurred in Game 3. For real, he was everywhere. Like if Kristen Wig’s Gilly was a hockey player, only without being funny or curiously hot. Just everywhere, startin’ shit– that’s Crosby. And not in that oh, I’d love to have that guy on my team way, but in that that guy is going to get one of us killed way. 

Two sequences come to mind: the first period scrum that ensued following Crosby taking three two-handed whacks at Ilya Bryzgalov’s glove, and the third period fraces (that’s a combination of fracas and feces— see also: shitstorm) that he escalated to an absurd level.

Let’s start with the one from the first period. 

Amazingly, Crosby managed to accomplish all of this in under one minute and 25 seconds. Let me make that clear: Crosby managed to perform all of the following in under one minute and 25 seconds. .GIFs, for your viewing pleasure:

 

That’s hard to do, folks. He took three whacks at Ilya Bryzgalov, needlessly shoved away Jakub Voracek’s glove, instigated a fight with Kimmo Timonen, and waited until linesmen jumped in before firing uppercuts and a cheap shot at Claude Giroux… all in less than the time it takes for Dan Bylsma to position his glasses ever-so-perfectly on the bridge of his nose.

If Giroux accomplished a Gordie Howe Hat Trick on Sunday, then Crosby hit for the Menstrual Cycle.

There was even a little bit of blood as he yapped at Giroux from the penalty box:

 

G just laughed:

Crosby wasn’t done. 

In the third period, he engaged Brayden Schenn while a scrum developed near the benches. Instead of fighting the Flyers rookie, Crosby just held him and worked in cheapies where he could. 

Then, a few minutes later, he bear-hugged Scott Hartnell, which started the most egregious Penguins offense of the night: Craig Adams throwing haymakers at a defenseless Hartnell… and pulling his hair.

Video of that full mess here. At around the 3:10 mark, you can hear someone – Craig Berube? - yell, "Schenner, fuck him the fuck up!" That's fun.

Hartnell after the game:

Q: Where does this game rank for you as far as craziness with the fights and everything, especially in the first period?

“Right up there. We knew it was going to be an emotional game but I think that the level that they took it to was not hockey. It’s not what you want to see in hockey…cross-checks in the face, one of their best players, Neal, going up near a couple of guys heads…It’s scary when it comes down to that level. It’s not fun to play with that kind of stuff. You ask the best player in the world, Sidney Crosby, what they were thinking out there and he said ‘well, that’s playoff hockey,’ end quote. For me, that’s not playoff hockey. It’s dangerous hockey, it’s trying to hurt some people out there and it’s scary, you’ve got to keep your head up at all times. Crosby comes in and grabs me from behind and another guy comes and throws about eight bombs at the back of my head. I’m no worse for wear myself but…We’ve got the advantage right now, we’ve got to finish them off here at home. “

Q: Was that the dirtiest you’ve ever seen a team in the playoffs that you’ve faced?

“I think after every scrum we made it a point to walk away every time and I think Crosby started almost every scrum. You know, the fight that he had with Giroux, the last one he came and grabbed me from behind and for almost every thing he was out there. If they’re trying to get under our skin, they’re not. They’re just getting more frustrated with themselves, which is great.”

 

It is great. And so is that 3-0 series lead.