El Wingador Arrested for Cocaine Distribution

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In news that is completely unsurprising and perhaps even a bit expected: Bill Simmons got arrested this weekend. No, not that Bill Simmons– Bill “El Wingador” Simmons. He was arrested by New Jersey State Police on Friday for cocaine distribution: [NJ.com

The stop was prompted by a month-long investigation conducted by the NJSP and the Gloucester County Prosecutor’s Office.

Using search warrants, police seized approximately $8,000 worth of cocaine, about $4,000 in cash and the Kia Soul Simmons was driving.

Simmons was lodged in the Gloucester County Jail in Woodbury in default of $100,000 full-cash bail, said Jones.  

 

Last we heard from Simmons – away from the eating ring (court?), at least – he was promoting self-branded wing sauces from Rastelli Direct, a local food packager. That press release, sent in 2011, presented a slightly better version of the now accused criminal:

After 3 years in the dark, El Wingador, Bill Simmons, is rising back into the light like a phoenix rising out of the ashes, to conquer the 2011 Wing Bowl.   The new El Wingador has improved his strategies to become a stronger, more than life -size, chicken-eating machine.  One of his strategies is to combine forces with Rastelli Direct, a 5-star restaurant qualify meat/seafood supplier.

El Wingador and Rastelli Direct have created a champion product line ranging from wings, and  sauces to  poultry and meats. This team effort is important to Bill, because it is healthy and provides a healthy training regiment to prepare for the Wing Bowl. Rather than eating huge amounts of cheese steaks, piazzas  and burgers, El Wingador is eating pounds of sushi grade Scottish salmon,  all natural Black Angus filets and  free range chicken.  

 

Or distributing cocaine. 

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We're still trying to confirm if this is a current mugshot

I guess El Wingador’s arrest begs the question: Will he be able to rise back into the light once again like a phoenix rising out of the powder ashes? 

We shall see.

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19 Responses

  1. I’m more concerned with the fact he was driving a Kia Soul than the whole coke thing.
    Angry birds t-shirt.

  2. What’s worse, being arrested for cocaine distribution or being a “professional competitive eater”?

  3. I always heard about the rumors of El Wingador having a big appetite for ladies of the night & c0ke.
    Also always wonder how he could afford those behind the dugout phils tix.

  4. You put your real email in ? Sucker. Have fun with all the gay rainbow t-shirt spam he’s going to send out.

  5. fuck you other Bill Simmons.
    also Does Obi Wing know about this? I feel like he would want a fake light saber battle with El Wingador outside of Mendel Hall.

  6. Wow, it really took you Philadelphians forever to figure this one out. He’s been visiting me in Cali in the off season for years!

  7. Nothing says nitwit like distributing drugs in a custom car with El Wingador emblazened on the sides of the car. Eliminates a lot of the detective work but talk about arrogance.

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