Shittsburgh: A Bull and Cow Have Sex in the Road, Man Sues Penguins for Too Many Text Messages

Screen Shot 2012-06-01 at 10.40.14 AM

There's a Sidney Crosby joke to be made here, but I won't do him like that– because Malkin is! (pic via 96.1)

Welcome to the lovely city of Shittsburgh, where sewer pipes leak below PNC Park. Today, traffic was stopped while a bull and cow had sex in the middle of the road:

Screen Shot 2012-06-01 at 10.44.16 AM
Screen Shot 2012-06-01 at 10.44.16 AM
Screen Shot 2012-06-01 at 10.44.16 AM

That's not anger, lady– it's passion.

The sports story of the day in this fine town, though, is of one Yinzer, who is suing the Pittsburgh Penguins because they sent him two extra text alerts during one week in March.

For realsies.

The folks at Puck Daddy did a nice job of breaking the lawsuit down, but basically it goes like this:

A guy signed up for text alerts from the Penguins. He was told that there would be a maximum of three texts per week (reasonable), but got upset when, during the week of March 11, he received – brace yo’selves – five text messages. The following week? Four. HE RECEIVED THREE EXTRA TEXT MESSAGES IN TWO WEEKS. THE HORROR! Somewhere, a child dies of hunger, a man gets shot, an old lady gets plowed over by a bus, and a Pittsburghian has to check his cell phone. We’re doomed.

image from media.zenfs.com

As the folks at Puck Daddy point out, there are explicit instructions on how to unsubscribe from the text alerts. But no, a lawsuit seemed like the better option.

Yinzers: looking for a way out since 1992.

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31 Responses

  1. I want to see the rest of the Complaint to read the description of the “harm” he underwent due to the extra text messages.

  2. Kyle is just following Taylor Marie so he can see the new profile pic she says will happen if she gets to 1500 followers.

  3. Listen i dislike the penguins as much as the next guy… But when did we philadelphians start giving a fuck about that town? Just ignore them and the rest of the state west of the delaware valley.

  4. Kyle later went out and helped by getting behind the bull and fluffing its balls while it stroked.
    He then let the bull finish on his back.

  5. ‘Sidney Crosby?’ Wtf is that? For fuck’s sake, the proper terminology is ‘Cindy Criesby of the Pittsburgh Bettmans.’ Please correct that glaring oversight as soon as humanly possible, and then drink more than enough beers to fuck a cow in the middle of the street. Thanks.

  6. Meanwhile Carter and Richards will be winning Lord Stanley’s cup,while the Phillies stink up the joint.

  7. OK, I’ve got that creepy ‘this dude thinks way too much about you’ feeling about Philly.
    In Pittsburgh, we don’t think about philly at all, nada, nothing, zero, couldn’t care less what happens there, what you do, what you say. But in philly, you have this odd obsession about us, posting about us on your sport website, etc.
    So do us a favor, when you get done stroking off to your claude giroux posters, stop thinking about us, stop writing about us. Just stop ok? Instead, you can spend your time wishing snookie was your gf and you were walking on the jersey shore together.

  8. Yep, RJM. Relativity/RML was given express permission to sub-license/redistribute Atlas Shrugged: Part 1 to Netflix (for 30 months?), so NF had a distribution deal with RML, not directly with Atlas. Looks like Atlas is trying to recoup losses incurred from its sour deal with Relativity/RML by going after NF, even though NF seems to have already fulfilled its contractual obligations. (Just skimmed the document, so I may be missing something

  9. I guess when your team is as as good as the Penguins, and have enjoyed multiple Stanley Cup runs in the past few years, I guess one needs SOMETHING to be upset about. I mean, it’s not like they’re so pissed about their own hockey team they have to go ape-shit on their cross-state rivals to make themselves feel better.

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