Fat Guy Delmon Young Might be Out for a While and David Murphy Has No Idea What The F#$k “Platoon” Means

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Heyyomyanklehurts, pass me some wafers. NO, NOT THE MATZO! NEVER THE MATZO. THE WAFERS!!!

And playing the role of this year’s disappointing, injury plagued offseason signee will be, perhaps not surprisingly, Delmon Young, who is fat. And who has an injured ankle.

Young told reporters that he doesn’t know when he’ll be ready, and Charlie Manuel said it’ll be “a little while.” But Howard Eskin, who is rocking his murse in Clearwater…

Screen Shot 2013-02-15 at 1.41.09 PM
Pic via John Clark's increasingly useful Twitter, where outstanding Spring Training pics from some place warm flow like wine

… tweets that Young will be out for “weeks into the season”:

Funstons.

About being fat: Young doesn't know how much he weighs despite having a fat clause in his contract: [Philly.com]

“I don't really go on the scale that much,” Young said Friday at Bright House Field. “I just see what clothes fit and see when I can go on the beach.”

 

When he gets off the beach and back on the field? Perhaps a platoon.

But wait! Daily News prophet and pseudo baseball beat writer David Murphy wrote words about the Phillies' outfield “platoon” situation, which, as Murphy explains, because he is so much smarter than you, isn’t really a “platoon” situation, because he Googled “platoon” and found that the definition doesn’t match exactly what baseball teams do actually has no idea what “platoon” means. Stinky Cheese:

Most baseball seasons, we end up asking questions about a platoon, and whoever is answering those questions usually grimaces and says that he does not like the word platoon. Which makes sense. Because the word platoon suggests an equal distribution of duties between two or more individuals charged with accomplishing a specific task. In the army, a platoon might be charged with clearing an enemy stronghold, with individual soldiers as platoon members. In baseball, the task is manning a position, and the individuals are usually a right-handed batter and and a left-handed batter. Problem is, the duties can't be distributed equally, because there are far more situations that require a left-handed batter than a right-handed batter, because there are far more right-handed pitchers in the majors than there are left-handed pitchers. 

 

Here’s how I would have edited that piece, IF THE DAILY NEWS HAD AN EDITOR TO CENSOR SUCH DRIVEL:

Most baseball seasons, we end up asking questions about a platoon, and whoever is answering those questions usually grimaces and says that he does not like the word platoon. Which makes sense. Because the word platoon suggests an equal distribution of duties between two or more individuals charged with accomplishing a specific task. In the army, a platoon might be charged with clearing an enemy stronghold, with individual soldiers as platoon members. In baseball, the task is manning a position, and the individuals are usually a right-handed batter and and a left-handed batter. Problem is, the duties can't be distributed equally, because there are far more situations that require a left-handed batter than a right-handed batter, because there are far more right-handed pitchers in the majors than there are left-handed pitchers. 

 

No.

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8 Comments

  • Little Lord Fauntleroy February 15, 2013 at 2:39 pm

    Don’t knock murph. He was probably getting his knob slobbed under his desk by some babe while writing that

    Reply
  • FACE February 15, 2013 at 2:55 pm

    So Delmon is out until “weeks into the season”? THE FUCK THEY SIGN HIM FOR THEN!? What a joke.

    Reply
  • Chance- Vice President of the GnA Falcons February 15, 2013 at 11:40 pm

    Fat nig

    Reply
  • overcome shyness book January 13, 2014 at 5:11 am

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  • 爪のÆよりかなり長いカーブを下って、42 mmのケースを手首にタイトを得るのを許します。ブランド時計コピー私の手首の上では、多少のオーバーハングがありました、しかし、それは私が March 1, 2016 at 5:50 pm

    [url=http://www.bagkakaku.com/RAYBAN_sunglasses.html]爪のÆよりかなり長いカーブを下って、42 mmのケースを手首にタイトを得るのを許します。ブランド時計コピー私の手首の上では、多少のオーバーハングがありました、しかし、それは私が本当にだけ拾った私が撮った写真を見たときに何かです;それは、私が気づいたことさえない手首の上での間のものだった。移動に対するケース、ベゼルに来て、私は一種の二重ステップを丸くするが見ない何かでした。この基準からの素晴らしい変化のペースは腕時計を見てベゼルに角です、そして、その研磨面を紹介した鋭く対照的な毛羽仕上げの(ほぼ加工)の両側に終わります。[/url]

    Reply
  • さらに、20 mmのひもが私の例についての湾曲した開口部を通して自然な合うものではありません。だから私の設計目標は、従来から搭載ストラップを保持するが冗長性と独特のルックスをそ March 1, 2016 at 5:51 pm

    [url=http://www.newkakaku.com/gxq2.htm]さらに、20 mmのひもが私の例についての湾曲した開口部を通して自然な合うものではありません。だから私の設計目標は、従来から搭載ストラップを保持するが冗長性と独特のルックスをそれに加えました。その結果、多くの紙と革のプロトタイピングに使用する連続ループを確保し、従来のストラップを介して一対のいわゆる「ズールー族の「鋼のループ。 ウブロ 時計 コピー 結果として視覚的密度のストラップ」がたくさんありますが、実際のシステムと腕時計にマウントを製造する技術的に簡単である。概念的に、デザインへの挑戦が、実装するのが簡単である。極端な冗長性と連続的な二次のループで、名前を「インフィニティ・ストラップ」を作りました(私に)。[/url]

    Reply
  • もしアリストテレスはまだ生きている、彼はきっとそう評価Blancpainブランパン:“抜群の良好な習慣を訓練としての芸術形式は、したがって、抜群のは1種の行為ではなくて、1種の習慣。」 March 1, 2016 at 5:53 pm

    [url=http://www.newkakaku.com/gb11.htm]もしアリストテレスはまだ生きている、彼はきっとそう評価Blancpainブランパン:“抜群の良好な習慣を訓練としての芸術形式は、したがって、抜群のは1種の行為ではなくて、1種の習慣。」継2006年と2007年にそれぞれ出しCalibre 13R0とCalibre 1315 2項のムーブメントの後、ブランパンは自主開発に取り組んで時計ムーブメントCalibres 13R5、Calibre 66R9とCalibre 5025ムーブメントはCalibres 13R0を基礎にして、Blancpainを表現した新型腕時計開発高い品質ムーブメントの決意を固める。ブランドコピーその執着と信念は、新しいシリーズが全面的に体現L-Evolution。これも証明し、卓越しただけでは、不断の努力の成果。[/url]

    Reply
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