I Hate Everything

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Tonight, President Obama will orate about the state of our union. So what better time for a hokey lede about the state of Philly sports than right… now!

Not good.

That’s the state of things. Shittay, some may say.


Oh hey, a beatdown from the league’s fifth-leading goal scorer James van Riemsdyk, his newly descended balls, and the Toronto Maple Leafs. Here’s JVR blowing past his trade partner, Luke Schenn, whose feet were temporarily dried into cement, and beating Brian Boucher, who, somehow, is still a goaltender for the Philadelphia Flyers, the hockey team in Philadelphia that has a brutally inconsistent defense and 80% of its forwards playing one line above where they belong:


While that was going on, Ilya Bryzgalov was chatting it up with Torontonians on the bench, apparently:

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This team… this team… this team is A FUCK. They got blown out, at home, by the Clippers, 107-90, a score that was significantly closer than the game, thanks to a garbage time* run by the hometown team, who trailed 56-33 at halftime. 

*That could be the slogan for all Sixers basketball this year. Move over, “Run With Us.” Move over, “Passionate. Intense. Proud.” The 2012-2013 Sixers are here, and it’s “Garbage Time!”

Here’s Blake Griffin and DeAndre Jordan ejaculating on the Sixers frontcourt on consecutive plays:



They re-signed Michael Vick yesterday to a one-year deal worth up to (but not really) $10 million.



I feel like this jackass needs an area separate from his team… and that’s probably a metaphor for his existence.

Here’s what Bynum told reporters before his team got juiced last night: [CSN Philly]

“I worked out for two days on the court and I had a lot of pain, so I backed off a little bit today,” Bynum explained. “I’ll be back on the court tomorrow and we’ll progress from there.”

“I don’t know if it’s normal soreness or if I can play with it or what it is,” Bynum said. “It’s not anything that I haven’t felt, so it’s not new. It continues to go away over time, so that’s all good stuff.”

“I’m not sure,” Bynum said when asked if he was going to play in a game by the end of February. “We’ll have to see if I had a setback or not. Right now, things are going well. I’m losing weight and staying on the court for as long as I can, so that’s good.”

“When I’m on the court, I’ll be ready,” Bynum said. “I’m trying as hard as I can. It would suck to play through pain, but sometimes you have to.”


It’s truly amazing that he can get away with saying stuff like this. The urgency with which he is rehabbing (not that it really matters) is akin to a fat lady getting into a pool. Here, I’m just going to dangle my legs in for about six months and maybe one day get in. Or not. But my poofy hair looks good.



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