You know, I like to cover urine stories. I really do. Don’t judge me– it’s just a character trait (flaw?). Cliff Lee’s golden rainbow of excellence. That goofy Iron Pigs urinal game (do we have an update on how that’s going?). Those are things I like. So this story should fit right into the stream.
A New Jersey man may be the worst teacher on earth. He pees in water bottles and then makes innocent kids carry them to the bathroom. Somewhere, Jerry Sandusky has a really goofy smile on his face right now: [NorthJersey.com] [AP]
The state education commissioner on Tuesday approved Paterson Public Schools’ request to fire a second grade teacher from School 13 who was accused of having students carry plastic bottles of his urine to flush in the boys’ room.
The teacher, Ron S. Tuitt, also was accused of urinating in a classroom waste basket, directing students to go on personal errands for him, improperly driving students home and sending inappropriate emails to parents.
The state found the teacher once urinated in a classroom trash can, sometimes urinated in a plastic bottle and asked students to take his waste to the boys’ bathroom and flush it, and let students sit in his motorized wheelchair.
But what’s with that throwaway line about the motorized wheelchair? Like, clearly the teacher was handicapped and that’s going to be his excuse for hosing into water bottles and handing it to little kids. But did the wheelchair come into play at all in his pissing habits? Were the peeing, urine extrication and wheelchair sitting related? Were the kids physically harmed besides the emotional scarring of having to carry bionic teacher’s piss? Is this Patches O’Houlihan? Are there any other states besides Jersey and, say, Michigan where this could have happened? So many questions… so few answers.
Punchlines, though? Well, Jim Gardner has one of those:
— Jim Gardner (@Jim_Gardner) April 24, 2013