Judge Tells US Airways Bomb Threat Maker to Stay Away from Tattoo Parlors, Computers and Women... and Then Sentences Him to 15 Months in Federal Prison
Back in September, a flight departing Philly International had to return to the airport shortly after takeoff because Christopher Shell got fingered by a “friend” who claimed that Shell was an explosives carrying terrorists hell bent on blowing up his US Airways flight from Philly to Dallas.
All this, part of an odd, and apparently unfortunate, love triangle.
Today, the prankster, Kenneth Smith, was sentenced… to 15 months in federal pound me in the ass prison, three months probation, and has to pay $17,000 in restitution and serve 300 hours of community service. Oops.
Turns out, Shell posted nude pictures of Smith’s girl on Facebook. So, naturally, Smith claimed Shell was a terrorist: [Philly.com]
Smith said he made the call because Shell, who had dated the same woman as Smith, had posted nude photos of the woman on Facebook. That woman was at Smith’s guilty-plea hearing in January, but was not in the courtroom for his sentencing. Smith’s attorney, William Brennan, said “apparently, she’s moved on.”
As for Smith, he said he becomes desperately attached to his girlfriends and the 19-year-old woman who inspired him to make the dumbest phone call of his life had “lured me with promises of love and a future together.”
Brennan did not gloss over the stupidity of his client’s actions.
“This was a doozy. On a scale of boneheaded moves, this was way up there,” Brennan said. “If they publish a list of 100 bad decisions in the last 50 years, he could probably be on it.”
“So we need to keep you away from tattoo parlors and computers. And women,” said U.S. District Judge Gene E. K. Pratter.
Here’s where Smith failed: not in calling in the bomb threat (because that actually scared the hell out of Shell— risk-reward thing), but in taking out his girl’s whorishness on Shell. Newsflash: if your girl is posing naked for some other guy, especially this dude…
… then you get back at her. This is dating 101. I’m assuming that Smith, too, had naked pics? Tweet them, man. Tweet them. Put them on Facebook. Instantly gram her booty. Reddit it. Something… mean, but not crazy. Calling in a bomb threat was crazy. Now you’re in jail and Shell is at home, laughing, with a stupid smile on his face and… with a stack of naked pics of your soulmate. Fap. Fap. Fap.