Praise the lord! Last night, the Phillies piled on their early 4-0 lead, making me look like an ass and Lee look like a relaxed creature of, as reader Brent put it, olden lore.

Yes, the Lee was mighty last night. And so was the offense– eight runs, including three home runs in the third inning by Ryan Howard, Michael Young and John Mayberry Jr., who made this lady’s day and night.

But enough about Kid Cudi. Let’s talk more about Lee.

He threw 106 pitches for the second start in a row. 75 were for strikes. In his first start, 78 were for strikes. That means – because I’m a math man – that Lee has thrown 212 pitches this season– 153 for strikes. That’s 72%. And that’s very good.

He’s so efficient. So quick. So… in control. Look at his pitches by inning:

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Charts via BrooksBaseball.net

He threw five of six pitches for strikes in the second inning. Five of seven in the third. Eight of nine in the sixth! Five of seven in the seventh!! SEVEN OF NINE IN THE EIGHTH! I repent, I repent!

And sometime around the seventh inning, he decided he didn’t need his curveball anymore. Nah. Just fastballs and changeups. Push, pull:

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Video of Lee spraying excellence all over the Mets.

Listen to Michael Young gush over Lee“He’s basically a baseball player who pitches.”

Nu-uh, Michael. He’s basically a magical steed who pisses.

Let’s Wood!

Jordany Valdespin is a bag of dicks. Last year, he punked his way around the bases after hitting a ninth inning home run off Jonathan Papelbon. Last night, Valdeadspin pounded his chest like an idiot after he hit a bases-empty triple with his team down six runs in the fifth inning of a game in April. It doesn’t get more inconsequential than that, douchebag.

Here’s audio of Mets broadcasters on the WFAN talking about Valsparpaint’s antics:

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Video of the Phils’ three home runs in the third inning.

Did any Mets fans tweet fuck Cliff Lee? They did:

The Hatfield Pig made an appearance in the broadcast booth for Dollar Dog Night (we capitalize that shit around here), and that always makes for a good screen grab:

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Chris Wheeler is struggling with his new telestrator:


Today in stupid polls:

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E: None of the above.

Delaware women’s point guard Kayla Miller loves her some Cliff Lee and I love some Malvern Prep.