Could This CIA Spy, Arrested in Russia Today, Have Worn a Worse Wig?

Screen Shot 2013-05-14 at 10.35.14 AMIf you watch The Americans*, you just creamed yourself. This is the show, playing out in real-life! Someone go find my that fat Russian spy handler– we got some espionage to do.

The Federal Security Service (FSB) Public Relations Center announced that detained individual was Ryan Christopher Fogle, a career diplomat working as the third secretary of the Political Section of the American embassy in Moscow.

The agency stressed that Christopher had “special technical equipment” in his possession, including an additional wig, a microphone, multiple pairs of dark sunglasses and a lot of cash in euro – along with a Moscow atlas, a compass, two knives, and an American Bic lighter.

Fuckin’ MacGyver over here. But someone should tell him the Cold War ended 20 years ago. And let’s talk about that Kristen Wiig for a second: Could this dude have found a cheaper, more ridiculous hair helmet? Russian spies Phillip and Elizabeth in The Americans routinely bust out more believable disguises. They change from proud mama and papa to murderous Bonnie and Clyde and back again in the span of three TV minutes. Fogle looks like a shamed dude trying to disguise himself leaving a whore house or prison. Yeah, I’ll just throw on this Joan Lunden hair and my bring-your-dad’s-extra-large-work-shirt-to-school-as-an-art-smock button-down and no one will suspect a thing when I give this CIA recruit a Gmail address to contact us at. Wait, what?!

This is the letter Fogle was carrying:

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Oh cool, we’re offering $100k for a job interview but can’t get the spy a better disguise? A Bane mask would have been less suspicious than this getup. I’m convinced this is a ruse. No way this guy wasn’t intending to get caught. He’s already been given back to the U.S. I think the White House is just looking for diversions at this point. We’re one negative story away from Biden dropping trou and hugging young mothers at the Wilmington train station. Wag dog, wag!

More on the lousy spy at

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*A few months ago, I called The Americans a B-level show. I was wrong. It rocks. The full season was every bit as good as Homeland Season 2 (nothing will ever come close to 1). Just a well-done show all around. Entertaining, suspenseful, seamlessly weaves in real-life characters and events without feeling forced, good acting. Great disguises– better than this joker. Highly recommended. 

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19 Responses

  1. Spoiler alert- I’d plow that Russian chick on “The Americans” all day every day. She has the perfect pig nose and a luscious behind…

      1. HAHAHA. Bert must have been your last straw. Some hack always has to write this. If your not interested…don’t read it!

        1. I fight the urge on every one of those to write a snarky response about the there’s no Flyers, no Sixers, no Eagles, and a lousy baseball team right now.


  2. Sounds like a nut who read too many Tom Clancy novels. As far as I’m concerned, the Ivans can keep him.

  3. Kyle More like a bad Dolph Lundgren 80s flick. with Brigitte Neilsen. and Steven Segal.
    The Boston Bomber’s Uncle Ruslan ? $600.000 house and he used to work for Halliburton/CIA front.

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