Antonio Bastardo Receives 50-Game Suspension

I ALWAYS KNEW HIS ASS WAS TOO BIG TO BE NATURAL!

Antonio Bastardo, centaur, is one of the players in the Biogenesis scandal and will accept a 50-game suspension, according to bow tie man himself, little tiny tadpole Ken Rosenthal.

This may explain a lot about Bastardo’s decline last year following an outstanding 2011.

Another piece of great news for the 2013 Phillies. The silver lining in all this? That douchebag Jordany Valdespin was on the list, too:

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25 Responses

  1. If multi-million dollar athletes want to use science and engineering to push themselves to the limits of human achievement, why not let them? After all this is entertainment…

    1. Because every little leaguer and high school player will think they have to inject themselves to make it in baseball…then 99% of’em won’t go higher than AA.

      1. 80% of my HS baseball squad was on the juice and about 90% of my college squad. IF all these guys are doing is scaling back when they get to the pros, how is that helping anyone. Police it better for kids, and when they turn 18 turn them loose on the juice.

        1. Subtle “I went to highschool in Delco” post…. fucking idiots roiding up in highschool – go back to running register at wawa you prick

          1. What does high school athletes roiding up have to do with Delaware County? If you had a clue which you clearly don’t since your only material on this site is making fun of delco (which I’m more then positive you most likely are from), you would know that high school athletes using steriods is going on across the country. Aren’t you the same moron who claimed to be from somewhere but then associated said town with the wrong county?

  2. we threw gasoline on the fire and now we have stumps for arms and no eyebrows….douche

    1. Should only be once per day unless you’re in private browsing because you look at a lot of porn?

      1. Yeah, because viewing porn is the only reason to use private mode. There couldn’t be any other reason. As say, a part of a package of actions to make it as hard as possible for the NSA to track your every move online.

        But that’s just some tin foil hat shit, right?

        1. yeah, cause no way the NSA can track you once enable private browsing.

          1. You must have missed the part of my post where I said “as a part of a package of actions to make it as hard as possible.”

            Reading comprehension. It’s tough, I know.

            Not only that, but I know everything I do won’t stop the NSA. It’s the “as hard as possible” part- make them jump through as many hoops as possible- that’s important.

      2. Nope. Regular old Firefox, running the latest update, 22.0.

        And unlike you, I don’t have the benefit of looking at porn while at ‘work’.

    2. I normally don’t like blocking ads for sites I frequent a lot since the publisher deserves the income but holy fuck this site has become unusable. Blocked everything on this site through ghostery until you calm it the fuck down.

  3. wait. what? tony-no-dad was juicing? hes terrible. no, strike that, worse than terrible. im curious exactly how bad he is WITHOUT steroids

  4. WHAAAAAAT? No Bastardo for that all important stretch run where the Phillies flip the switch and go 40-11 over the last two months? Bummer, man! I am so disappointed!

  5. Does it trouble anyone else that 90% of the people caught up in the Biogenisis case are Latino? You just wonder if there’s some shady stuff going on…

  6. Man things are just not looking good for the phils right about now and as we bring in Murph from the stands, Murph give us your short opinion on the mexican latino population today and than take us out with a longated speech on your thoughts on ken rosenthal in comparison to my partner chris wheeler!

    1. Tom, I’ve been down here for the last hour trying to get an interview with the smartest Latino in the Phillies organization, but he keeps running onto the field between innings to drag the base paths. When reached for comment on the Bastardo suspension, Phils legend Kenny Lofton said “The next time I see Jeff Brantley I am going to tongue kiss that redneck into unconsciousness”. Oh and by the way Sarge, I ran into Curt Schilling at his favorite restaurant in Chester County over the weekend and he mentioned that immigrants have destroyed the video game industry and the Holocaust was greatly exaggerated. Wheels that cheesesteak sure looks good!

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