Phillies

Boooooooooooooo

By Kyle Scott

Published: Aug 25th, 2013 · 9:20 AM EDT

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Today in hacky and contrived ledes: It was a game that needed more Wilson Valdez, more goat. It lasted seven hours, six minutes. 18 innings. 20 pitchers. And two lousy utility men trying to salvage a slipping-away game at 2 a.m.

Let me tell you, men, you haven’t hit a low point in your Phillies fandom until you’ve watched Casper Wells and John McDonald pitch the south side of an 18-inning jab fest for a team 13 games under .500 while standing in a cougar and cub dominated Flip Flopz in North Wildwood, like I was, and oscillating between looking at the laser light encrusted projection screen and skirting the groping of those filled with too many Twisted Teas and Coors Lights. Yes, I hate this cruel world for making me write that sentence, if it even was a sentence, but I probably don’t hate it as much as Wells, who had the worst game in the history of baseball last night.

Wells’ combined stat line: 0-7 with 4 strikeouts and 7 men left on-base, and on the mound, 0.2 innings, 3 hits, 3 walks, 5 earned runs and the loss.

Yep, Casper netted the Phillies a frightening -12 runs last night. Boo.

If someone can compute a WAR for all that, I would imagine it’s no higher than -62.4.

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Did Marcus Hayes manage to be an asshole again? He did:

This play. This beautiful double play.

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And because the Phillies used all their available pitchers and then some, Roy Halladay, who was supposed to start in Reading today, was called to Philadelphia, where he’ll make a rehab start with the 2013 Phillies.

The highlights here.