Incommunicado: Paul Holmgren in Everything He Does

Holmgren_joke
Paul Holmgren may have screwed something else up by actually not screwing up at all.

His dealings with players and their agents are akin to what I would imagine it’s like when Greased Up Deaf Guy tries to fuck a football. Got it. Wait… no. There it… is. Not going to trade you. Uh oh. Slipping. Ahhhgahhhhhhh. See you all next yearrrr!

First, there was Holmgren telling Jeff Carter’s agent that Carter wouldn’t be traded. And then he traded Carter.

And then there was Holmgren telling Ilya Bryzgalov’s agent that the Flyers had no intention of buying out Bryzgalov. And then they bought out Bryzgalov.

Holmgren’s dickishness seems to go well beyond posturing and into the realm of the type of self-serving that severs business relationships.

The latest example of this communication issue comes today with the news that Dan Cleary will not report to camp he will report to camp he might report to camp oh holy shit who cares he’s a marginal player.

Here’s the timeline of the supposed acquisition of Cleary, who is about as inconsequential as it comes and we’re only talking about him because he’s a football, which Paul Holmgren may be trying to fuck:

Late Monday night: Flyers reportedly agree to a (ludicrous) three-year deal with the 34-year-old left winger. The deal won’t be finalized until the end of September because, predictably, Holmgren has the Flyers currently over the cap.

Tuesday: Holmgren laughs at your reporting, saying that “there are no promises.” Cleary will get a training camp tryout and nothing more.

Wednesday: There is a report that there is “some complication” between Cleary and the Flyers and that he won’t report to camp.

Later on Wednesday: Holmgren still expects Cleary to report to camp on Thursday– “until I hear it from the horse’s mouth.”

What we have here, again, is a failure to communicate.

It seems as though one of two things happened: Either A) Cleary thought he and the Flyers had agreed on a contract, but, because agreements with the Flyers aren’t really agreements unless they are notarized by Jesus Christ off the cross, they didn’t, and Cleary backed out, scorned and hurt by the fact that Holmgren said such an asshole thing like, “there are no promises.” Or B) there was never an agreement on a long-term deal and Cleary, facing a possible injury during camp, decided he might be able to find one elsewhere.

Helene St. James of the Detroit Free Press seemed confident in the initial report, but did mention that Cleary’s leaving Detroit came down to numbers. So, it’s entirely possible that the Red Wings and Cleary were able to find a way that it might work and Cleary has decided to hold off on coming to the Flyers.

It’s also entirely possible that Holmgren is an idiot.

Either way, the Flyers may have saved themselves from another silly contract.

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18 Comments

  • Mitchie Tools September 11, 2013 at 6:25 pm

    So homer & RAJ walk into a bar…

    • sean September 11, 2013 at 6:49 pm

      and somehow mccoy gets traded

      • Mc September 12, 2013 at 9:27 am

        And Barry Sanders comes out of retirement to take his spot… With twice the contract.

  • Capt.Obvious September 11, 2013 at 6:53 pm

    I hope he doesnt sign. Useless contract. Why cant McGinn fill that roll, or Gange?

  • Jim September 11, 2013 at 7:17 pm

    McGinn,Laughton and all other prospects are starting the season with the phantoms. end of story fan boys. the reason they wanted clearly because he brought more grittiness as a third liner to shut down a crosby or malkin, something gagne cant do late in his career. Flyers are now going to do one or two things a) offer sheet Pietrangelo or b) make a trade.

    • MarkM33 September 11, 2013 at 9:14 pm

      Laughton isn’t eligible to be sent to the Phantoms, based on the rules of his contract. So that means he either plays for the Flyers or goes back to juniors..and sending him back to juniors would be a waste.

      • Captj September 11, 2013 at 9:30 pm

        No, keeping him up to play marginal minutes on the 4th line on a cheap ELC would be a waste. Send him to juniors, let him work on all aspects of his game more and develop into even better of a player and put on more muscle. Then when you bring him up next year he’ll be that much better of a player, bigger and stronger, older and closer to his prime, more experienced and then that lets us push his third year of his contract to when he’s 22 instead of 21 and gives us the most value for our money and will be a steal then. Plus, we don’t really need him at this point, we likely will then.

      • JIm September 11, 2013 at 11:48 pm

        But he still needs the development just like Mcginn. Lavy isn’t a big fan of Mcginn or other top prospects. Mcginn didn’t show over a period of games to be a effective player in lavy system. that’s why they are going after clearly. lavy can relies more on veteran than young kid in his system. In hockey it always comes down to the system and responsibility of player in the system. THats why we had problems with bryz to a certain extent.

        But I think there is something larger at play here. homer is up to something in scenario where we could have a big trade or the reason it got whacky because league thought it to be loophole in the cba.

    • Captj September 11, 2013 at 9:27 pm

      Lol, no.

      (Trade of course is coming but that’s of the dump Mez variety and is unrelated. But lol, no definitely to OS-ing Alex)

  • MikeeeMitthhey's Bristol Boyfriend September 11, 2013 at 11:01 pm

    I think Homer has a nice tight ass and Id love to suck his Zamboner. The whole world knows Im Queer as as as as, well a Queer. So why do I act like Im hetero? Would you listen to a flamer? I NEED LEBRON TO JUST HOLD ME DOWN, RIP OFF MY G STRING AND RAM ME H A R D ! Oh, did you catch Road House and Dirty Dancing on AMC? I never miss them. Listen to me or I will punch my producer again !

  • drew S September 12, 2013 at 12:02 am

    Barkann is a Schmuck on Wheels.

  • Pootie Tang September 12, 2013 at 8:51 am

    Don’t bane the dillies!

  • SH September 12, 2013 at 9:54 am

    It’s possible Cleary and his agent used the Flyers to get Cleary a deal with the Red Wings.

  • Poverty of Truth September 12, 2013 at 10:10 am

    This is absolutely my favorite gif on this site. Homer will provide you with plenty of opportunities to use it again.

  • chew September 12, 2013 at 11:48 am

    Homer’s pugnacity can be attributed to the man who he learned the business from, Bobby Clarke. And frankly, it’s an exciting way to run a business.

    Cleary is a great addition (if it works out). Get over Gagne, he’s cooked, and if you’d like him back, then you’re feeding into the whole scenario that pisses the fan base off in the first place, of trying to squeeze the last bit of talent left in a player, who is past his prime.

    3rd line: Cleary Coots Reader

  • Bob September 12, 2013 at 12:25 pm

    Clearly signed with Red Wings for $1.175Mil….

  • T-Bone September 12, 2013 at 3:55 pm

    We need to start using this to our advantage, for example:

    Holmgren: “The Flyers have no chance of winning the Stanley Cup”

    /Flyers win the Stanley Cup.

  • H.H. Holmes September 13, 2013 at 7:32 am

    Great, now we can resign Kent Huskins.

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