Bernie Parent Feels Bad For You and Your Mundane Life

Bernie Parent penned yet another My Life is Better Than Yours column in the Daily News today. This time, Bernie unknowingly explains precisely why he’s long been divorced and remains unmarried (besides the obvious reason that tits are great):

So many people put their happiness and hopes on the backburner because they are so afraid of what people are going to say about them, and they back off. By backing off, they miss out on all the excitement they could potentially attract into their lives. They’re afraid of what their wife might say, or what their kids might say, or what their friends might say, if they decide to put everyday life on hold to follow something that is not guaranteed. As long as you’re not hurting anyone else, do what is right for you. If you don’t, you are essentially living your life for someone else.

When I ask someone to join me in a fun activity, like fishing trips or hunting trips etc., and their response is, “I have to ask permission from such-and-such,” I really start to feel for that person. Change it around! Respond by saying, “Let me see if we have any commitments or prior engagements.” If you do, then you have a legitimate reason to pass on this trip. By all means, communicate with your loved ones about your decisions, whereabouts, and all other details, but make sure your choices are yours, and not someone else’s.

Life is so, so much easier if you’re a quasi-retired pseudo-celebrity who gets paid for showing up to places and lending your name to your own branded cigar.

I say that not to be sarcastic, but just to remind you that Bernie Parent’s life is much better than yours.


2 Responses

  1. Kyle, why did you put that stupid Crossing Broad logo over that broad’s nipples? You pretty much ruined the picture, and it’s not making the picture anymore “work friendly”. At least if my boss saw that picture on my computer, maybe seeing her nipples would save my job.

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