Fucking Yinzer Jumps Off Bridge into Polluted Water After Pirates Win Playoff Game

HOLD YOUR PHONES SIDEWAYS

HOLD YOUR PHONES SIDEWAYS

Dateline Pittsburgh (CB) — You fucking Yinzers you.

When the mustache-rocking urban planners of Pittsburgh decided to put PNC Park at the foot of one of the city’s 3.6 million bridges, they probably never took into account that, one day, the Pirates might play a game that actually meant something and that, win or lose, the bridge would serve as a tempting predominantly steel structure with which to celebrate or kill one’s self.

The Pirates won last night, so it was the former in that scenario.

Behold, a Yinzer jumping off Clemente Bridge following the Pirates win over the Reds:

But hey, good news– it’s not like that river is polluted or anything:

High levels of an ultra-salty compound that could be linked to oil and gas drilling persist in the Allegheny River’s Pittsburgh-area watershed, while the levels declined in the nearby Monongahela River, recent research shows.

Officials at public water utilities in both watersheds grew concerned in 2009 and 2010 when bromide levels soared during a surge of Marcellus Shale gas drilling. Although not considered a pollutant by themselves, the bromides combine with chlorine used in water treatment to produce compounds that can threaten public health.

A recent Pittsburgh Water and Sewer Authority report found that high levels of bromides persisted this year in the Allegheny just downstream from industrial brine treatment plants. The plants accept wastewater from oil and gas drilling and other industrial activities.

Oh.

That guy just sprouted fifth and sixth limbs, making him the third most peculiar male in his lineage.

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10 Comments

  • Keegan W October 2, 2013 at 9:52 am

    Oh, how the days (and number of Pittsburgh “fans”) have changed. I am a Reading-area native, went to college at Duquesne in Pittsburgh in 2008, and could walk up to the ticket booth, 30 minutes before first pitch, and get a ticket 10 rows behind the Phils’ dugout for $40. These games in ’08, ’09, ’10 and mostly ’11 were predominantly filled by Phillies fans, helping out financially that other team that couldn’t get .500 since the Ice Age. Similarly to all Pittsburgh sports teams’ successes and failures, this year’s Pirates “faithful” have grown exponentially since early April.

    Reply
    • The Truth October 2, 2013 at 11:12 am

      Same can be said about CBP from 2005-2007

      Reply
  • dr. love October 2, 2013 at 9:58 am

    I didn’t realize the Pirates won the WS last night.

    That being said, a little excessive celebration is OK when your team has been so bad for so long.

    Reply
  • FACE October 2, 2013 at 10:24 am

    lol…Yinzers…I don’t blame them, the Pirates have been AWFUL for years.

    That said, will there be any mention of Matt Latos’ wife getting assaulted last night anywhere?? If it were in Philly there would be. Anyone?

    I’d post the link but my links never get approved.

    FACE

    Reply
  • Junkhead October 2, 2013 at 10:48 am

    Isn’t saying “fucking Yinzer” redundant?

    Also, am I the only one who thinks that little chick with the glasses who dances around at her employer’s office at 4:30 in the morning and quits her job really cute?

    Reply
  • Princess Sass's finger sniffer October 2, 2013 at 10:50 am

    Yea Baby! Fucking Yinzers!

    Reply
    • FACE October 2, 2013 at 10:58 am

      lol…fucking Princess Sass…

      Reply
  • ThePhillyFlash October 2, 2013 at 3:47 pm

    One less yinzer in the gene pool. The chances of his still being alive tomorrow are slim and none as something in that water is going to kill his ass dead.

    Reply
  • SDerst October 2, 2013 at 4:21 pm

    The “reporters” in this city are the absolute fucking worst. I hope their extinction comes quickly

    Reply
  • Bynum's Knees October 2, 2013 at 5:50 pm

    Last weekend the big event in Yinzerville was a giant rubber duck being floated down the river. Seriously, can’t make this shit up.

    Reply
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