Eagles

And Now, “If This Was Philly”

By Kyle Scott

Published: Jan 20th, 2014 · 2:21 PM EST

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SOME DISGUSTING HUMAN BEINGS IN SEATTLE, WHERE IT ALWAYS RAINS AND TOO MANY PEOPLE LOVE MICROSOFT, COMMITTED THE DEPLORABLE AND REPREHENSIBLE ACT OF THROWING POPCORN – DANGEROUS KERNELS, POPPED! – AT NAVORRO BOWMAN AS HE WAS BEING CARTED OFF THE FIELD WITH A LIFE THREATENING KNEE INJURY– AN APPARENT TORN ACL. BESIDES BEING IN EXTREMELY POOR TASTE, WHO KNOWS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED HAD A PIECE OF JAGGED, SHARP AND POPPED CORN LANDED A DIRECT HIT. THIS IS ANOTHER CLOUD OVER SPORTS IN SEATTLE.

THIS REMINDS ME OF THE ONE TIME I FLEW OVER THE GREATER SEATTLE AREA ON AN APPROACH INTO VANCOUVER AND WITNESSED THE REGION’S INHABITANTS FILLING THEIR SUPER SOAKERS WITH RAIN WATER, BECAUSE, LIKE I SAID, IT ALWAYS RAINS SO MUCH IN THIS MISERABLE CITY, AND SQUIRTING CARS ON A FOUR-LANE HIGHWAY. AND I ONCE DATED A GIRL WHOSE BROTHER LIVED IN SEATTLE, WHERE GREY’S ANATOMY AND ELLEN POMPEO’S VAGINA ARE CONSIDERED “HIGH CULTURE.” HE LIKED GRUNGE ROCK AND COFFEE, AND I DETEST HIM FOR THAT.

There, did I do that right?

via Deadspin