Fire Up Your Jonathan Papelbon Hate Machines

Photo: MLB Fan Cave
Photo: MLB Fan Cave

The weather is getting warm, which means more opportunities for Jonathan Papelbon to do something to make you hate him.

Cole Hamels pitched near-brilliantly yesterday, giving up only one run in seven innings while striking out 10 and walking three. The Phillies carried a 4-1 lead into the ninth when, you’d think, they’d send in Papelbon to close out a sweep of their division rivals.


Papelbon was sore in his general neckual area. From

Closer Jonathan Papelbon watched the Phillies’ three-run lead in the ninth inning evaporate from the bullpen, unable to help his team in his usual role. Starter Cole Hamels watched the Mets’ rally from the clubhouse, as his stellar performance was negated.

“It’s just kind of a product of the last couple games getting up in the bullpen, the tie game a bunch of times the other night,” Papelbon said. “I’ve been through that situation plenty of times in my career.”

Papelbon said he would be ready to pitch Tuesday when the Phillies face the Angels. Sandberg said it was important to listen to his closer and give him rest, despite the frustrating end to Sunday’s game.

“He needed a day off,” Sandberg said. “When guys are used numerous times, they need their days off.”

Papelbon, who has been outstanding since his last blown save and since farting on reporters, threw 21 pitches combined on Friday and Saturday. That’s substantially fewer than God-knows-how-old Fausto Carmona Roberto Heredia Rodriguez Citron Hernandez Montezuma, who tossed 99 pitches on Friday and was forced to tag-team with Antonio Bastardo yesterday just to get through the ninth because Papelbon was sore.

Generally with the Phillies, “general soreness” is code for a looming 6-8-week trip to the DL, but this one is all on Papelbon– it seems Sandberg and the Phils were irked by his unavailability. Sandberg told the WIP Morning show: “When a pitcher comes in and says he has things bothering him and he can’t pitch, we have our hands tied.”

Of course, whatever was bothering Papelbon wasn’t bothering him on Saturday, when he stopped by the MLB Fan Cave in New York to throw in their Milk Bottle Challenge (before the Phils game that night):

Voila_Capture 2014-05-12_09-24-50_AM Voila_Capture 2014-05-12_09-24-38_AMYeah, so there’s an image: Papelbon, who was unable to close out the Mets on Sunday, throwing at milk bottles on Broadway on Saturday.

The Phils lost in 11, 5-4.


20 Responses

  1. Really looking forward to the impending Phillies implosion. I figure one veteran injury, plus a Bowa radio appearance, plus a frustrated player mentioning he wouldn’t mind being traded should push them over the edge into complete and utter futility.

      1. Yeah I hate perpetual mediocrity, fuckstick. If this team finishes over .500 Rube most likely gets another year to mismanage the entire organization. You were probably a stalwart Reid defender.

    1. when you have a pitcher who is getting paid 13 million a year and throwing more than 25 pitches becomes exasperating for him and his mangina, participating in events like this only furthers the perception that he is a douchebag.

  2. Watching the Phillies relievers, sans Papelbon, enter the game makes me wish they bring back the gasoline trucks to ferry them to the mound.

  3. Sandberg seems to be picking up where Uncle Charlie left off – how did he say with a straight face that Papelbon needed a day off after throwing 25 pitches in two days???? And then bring in a starter, Hernandez because let’s face it, the bullpen sucks. Too bad for Cole Hamels to see this game snatched away. Thirteen million a year – good signing Rooben!!!

  4. Closers don’t pitch every night. Paps has been pretty good the last 4-5 weeks. would you rather have Bastardo as your closer. Thought not.

  5. This is what Kyle does. Once he gets some sand in his vag about a player/reporter/coach/whatever, he looks for anything, no matter how minute, to try to attack them. This guy threw a few pitches, significantly lower than his ‘velo’ at a CHARITY event. I’m no Paplebon fan at all, but no matter what he does, Kyle will find ways to try to make him look bad. That’s 90% of what this blog is, him attacking the people he is jealous of. Another 5% is him shilling those shirts. 3% goes to his subliminal homoerotic comments about sports players. 2% remains for miscellaneous.

  6. So, Johnny Papsmear throws 25 pitches over two days and declared himself null and void yesterday. Now, I’m old enough to remember when closers were made of stronger stuff, hell, the recently retired Mariano Rivera routinely pitched two innings for a save, but Papsmear didn’t have it in him to go to the hill for a third day, even though the Phils are off today. What a pussy. I can’t wait until this loser is sent packing.

    1. Wow. So let me get this straight: Papelbon isn’t as good as Mariano Rivera. Man, did I learn something today.

  7. No way can you start bashing Pap for this loss. Bastardo had a three run lead to work with in the ninth, couldn’t hold it. That’s damn embarrassing. Any single guy in a Major League bullpen should be able to finish that out. Of course you’d expect to rest a reliever that pitched 2 days in a row. They may only pitch so much in a game, but he threw a lot more warming up. I was so mad, though, for Cole. You have got to finish that game out for a performance like Cole’s. The truth is that the Phils bullpen is so bad if our one great reliever can’t pitch, we blame him for the bullpen failures. That’s just not right. I know you don’t like Papelbon, but the guy has been the only good thing coming out of the bullpen. Cut him a break.

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